Author: OBT

  • Celebridog at SCCC!

    The bell rang and five pax plus one canine posted for the weekly gathering of the St. Christoper’s Country Club.

    I’m still not sure why Faceplant brought his dog Parker, but he was generally a pleasant and upbeat companion and even he couldn’t keep up with FP on the hot laps, which made me feel a little better about being at the back of the peleton.

    I would upload an image of what Parker looks like, because he’s pretty much a dead ringer for that DOGE dog you see on social media, but apparently I don’t have permission to upload images. (It’s probably just as well; back in the early days of F3 Nation we had to pay our a settlement to a trolling copyright attorney because we basically were posting too many photos of Fat Axl Rose (aka Faxl Rose) in our backblasts.)

    FP says Parker is such a mutt that he was told not to even attempt a 23 & Me test on the him, that it would probably overload some innocent DNA lab’s circuitry. That being said, I would specify his breed as #GoodBoy and leave it at that.

    If, like me, you can’t believe that it’s still not Labor Day, there’s a reason. Memorial Day this year was as early as it possibly can be (May 25th) and Labor Day is as late as it possibly can be (September 7th), which means that the summer of ’26 is 15 weeks long instead of the usual 14. They say it happens this way every seven years …🤷

    Here’s what we did:

    Set 1: Pogo Hops / Imperial Walkers + Hot Lap

    Set 2: A/S KB Lift to Shoulder Press + Hot Lap

    Set 3: A/S Lawnmower Pulls + Hot Lap

    Set 4: Curls / KB Swings + Hot Lap

    Set 5: Weighted Squats / Lunges + Hot Lap

    Set 6: 4 Minutes of Mary

    Thanks to all who answered the Slack call to post; this is a workout that is greatly enhanced by the exponential impact of #MumbleChatter!

    OBT

  • Smells Like Phish

    The bell rang and four … no, make that five … pax posted for the Monday gathering at Westhoe’s finest track complex.

    Tabata sets:

    • Stretching
    • Squats
    • L/R Lawnmowers
    • Overhead Press / Triceps Press
    • Dealer’s Choice / Wild Card
    • 4 Minutes of Mary

    Bodos was a late arrival. I don’t think he arrived directly from his Vermont retreat / sabbatical, but he had many stories of life in the land of compost toilets (apparently there’s no designation for compost toilets on PortaDash, but Hitch is working on an update as I write … ). It sounded like either an AirBnB rental scam, a throwback hippie commune or a deeply mediocre camping trip, but Bodos claims it was part of some furniture-making deal where you can get a 20-year-old table refinished for like 20 bucks. It’s like L.L. Bean letting you send your clothes back when you’re tired of them. New Englanders … amirite, TYA?

    Applesauce was wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers shirt the morning after they blew out Detroit in Game 7, so good for The Land. He and Faceplant traded tips about taking kids to the pool at Ginter Park. (Apparently a lot less expensive than the initiation fee at CCV.)

    Someone left a frisbee on the track and it got picked up and thrown around during the cooldown laps. Turns out Bodos played Ultimate in college; his throws have that perfect flat spin I’ve never been able to master. Vermont eco-retreats, furniture-making collectives, Ultimate mastery … all we needed was a hacky sack and a Phish concert would have broken out.

  • Waiting for Handshake

    Upchuck said he was coming. Look, he said, there he is. He pointed to a vehicle pulling into the bus parking area at St. Christopher’s.

    The vehicle made a U and pulled away.

    I do not believe you, I said. Did not Faceplant’s Slack post imply that Handshake was Qing elsewhere this morning, torturing others with his accursed, Apple Watch alarm-inducing Pencil Rolls?

    Look, Upchuck said, pointing into the Gloom. Here he comes now, walking with Faceplant.

    Silly man, I said, that is not Handshake; can you not see that is Applesauce?

    Wait, Upchuck said. He will come. I have even brought spare Implements of Whoa for him to use in strengthening his already prodigious muscles.

    At 0530, we performed a set of exercises in the manner of Tabata. We ran a lap on the track.

    Handshake did not come.

    We performed a second set of exercises in the manner of Tabata, this time using our Implements. Applesauce borrowed the Implements intended for Handshake. We ran another lap.

    Handshake did not come.

    We performed a third set of exercises in the manner of Tabata. We ran another lap.

    Handshake did not come.

    Surely, I said, Handshake will not come now. Even Hitchhiker would not show up this late to a workout.

    We performed a fourth, fifth and sixth set of exercises in the manner of Tabata. We ran four more laps around the track. Faceplant engaged in jocular discourse with a husband-and-wife pair of runners. He told disjointed story about Handshake being a first-year student at the Virginia Military Institute. We spoke of colleges with simulated airplane cabins and steakhouse dining halls on their campus.

    And then it was over.

    Shall we go, said Upchuck.

    Yes, I said. Let’s go.

    We went.

  • Hasn’t RVA Suffered Enough?

    The bell rang, five pax materialized from the Gloom with their Implements of Whoa(TM), and the latest meeting of the St. Christopher’s Country Club was gaveled to order. Here’s what was accomplished:

    Tabata Set 1: SSH / IW

    Hot Lap 1

    Tabata Set 2: Weighted Squats

    Hot Lap 2

    Tabata Set 3: S/S Lawnmowers

    Hot Lap 3

    Tabata Set 4: Bicep Curls / Overhead Tricep Press

    Hot Lap 4

    Tabata Set 5: Banded Monster Walks / Other Weighted Work

    Hot Lap 5

    Tabata Set 6: 4 Minutes of Mary

    Hot Laps 6, 7

    Spreadsheets from the Gloom:

    _ OK, I’ve noticed something about RVA in my year here that I need to get off my chest. And no, it’s not my shirt …

    There’s a real cult of male topless running in this town.

    It’s not like this was unheard of in CLT. My good friend Six Mike had a rule that if it was 70 degrees at the start of a run, a shirt was optional. But in these parts, shirtless seems to be less a way to beat the heat than just a way of life for many running dudes.

    What I was not prepared for was to show up at the 49-degree St. Christopher’s track (with all of us in long sleeves) and witness a pasty white torso circling the track as we did our Tabata sets.

    SYITG, indeed!

    It put me in mind of the sign on the side of the Sunflower Public House in Belfast that gave me a laugh during my recent visit:

    _ With Blank Space in attendance, there was a lot of talk about the new Taylor Swift album and “Wood,” the song about Travis Kelce’s Swinging Richard. Reminder that Blank Space will mark his retirement from performing with his former band, Taylor’s Version VA, by sitting in for one song of their Dec. 13th (TSWift’s birthday, you know) show at the Broadberry. I’m OOT, but Faceplant (who listened to the entire New Heights podcast on which Taylor announced the new album) has promised to represent F3 at the show.

    _ We also learned that the only thing standing between Faceplant and a career in the Marines was his inability to do the required pullups on the PFT, but apparently if you’re a middle-aged dude you don’t need to worry about pullups — just be able to hang from a pullup bar for two minutes … (?) That and do lots of squats, according to some fitness guru who has 100 followers (one of them Faceplant) on his YouTube channel. And maybe run your laps at the track with no shirt.

    _ The Bridge is Saturday. You should go — four hours out of your life to nail all three Fs. I’ll be there. Ping Upchuck for details.

    OBT

  • Kicking Pebbles

    The bell rang and four pax emerged from The Gloom foe to kick off the week at our little no-initiation fee country club.

    The Thang:

    Warmup Tabata: SSH / Imperial Walkers

    Hot Lap #1

    Tabata #2: KB Squats

    Hot Lap #2

    Tabata #3: Alternating Shoulder Presses

    Hot Lap #3

    Tabata #4: KB Swings

    Hot Lap #4

    Tabata #5: Wild Card

    Hot Lap #5

    Tabata #6: 4 Minutes of Mary

    Hot Laps #6 & 7

    Spreadsheets from the Gloom:

    + Hitch says pickleball season starts with practice on 6/2. I’m reminded that Bodos and Oyster are the defending RVA Region champions.

    + I’m always in a good mood when I get home after SCCC on Mondays. I was drinking coffee when a call from one of our CEOs popped up on my cell phone. As someone in our Safety chain of command, I answered with some nervousness …

    Larry was calling to tell me that he’d just gotten off the phone with his son, who had graduated from NC State last weekend. They’d spent the weekend moving him to a place in Holly Springs, NC, where his girlfriend lives and he is looking for a job. He had been invited to a Monday morning F3 workout by his girlfriend’s dad and had called to tell Larry how awesome it had been. Larry had spent the weekend worrying about his son how down he sounded as being a recent graduate entering a tough job market, but he was completely energized by being a part of F3 and starting his week off right. Larry wanted to share that with me.

    That call made my day. Years ago, with the help of a good friend, I kicked a pebble down a hill. On Monday, through the efforts of many other men — most of whom I’ve never met — F3 was there for my colleague’s son on the first day of the rest of his life. How amazing is that?

    It’s a reminder to me and to all of us inside the COT: Always Be Headlocking.

    OBT

  • Favorite Koreans

    Three pax — one of them (Faceplant) in a green jacket! — gathered to start the week right at RVA’s least exclusive country club.

    The Thang:

    Warmup Tabata: SSH / Imperial Walkers

    Hot Lap #1

    Tabata #2: KB Squats

    Hot Lap #2

    Tabata #3: Alternating Lawnmowers

    Hot Lap #3

    Tabata #4: KB Swings

    Hot Lap #4

    Tabata #5: Wild Card

    Hot Lap #5

    Tabata #6: 4 Minutes of Mary

    Hot Lap #6

    Spreadsheets from the Gloom:

    + A lot of talk of babysitters and hourly rates ($20+!?!?) by Hitch and Faceplant. Glad to be out of that business, myself…

    + Talk of Hitch’s 3-year stint of compulsory military service in his native South Korea — for which he apparently still collects benefits(!) — somehow led to my riffing on this crazy novel about North Korea I read about 10 years ago (apparently a Pulitzer Prize winner). While a fictional tale, it is apparently rooted in historical fact, including depicting the abduction of Japanese citizens by North Korea.

    + As I mentioned in my takeout, reciting the post-communion prayer at Palm Sunday services at St. James Episcopal put me in mind of F3, specifically how our gatherings in the gloom strengthen us physically and spiritually and how, after the ritual of the COT, we are sent out into the world to do the Lord’s work just as we are after communion. For those of us who believe, this most holy of weeks is a good time to be reminded of that.

    + Hitch is my favorite Korean, but as a San Francisco Giants fan my second-favorite is centerfielder Jung Hoo Lee, who had two home runs in Sunday’s win at Yankee Stadium. Listening to the Korean broadcast calls of the homers should brighten your day.

  • Pickleball Champ Seeks Free Tabata Timer for Pre-Dawn High Heart Rate Assignment

    The bell rang and four brave pax ventured into the rainy, pollen-dampening Gloom to kick the work week off right at SCCC.

    The Thang:

    Warmup Tabata: SSH/Imperial Walkers

    Hot Lap #1

    Tabata #2: Alternating KB Shoulder Presses

    Hot Lap #2

    Tabata #3: KB Squats

    Hot Lap #3

    Tabata #4: KB Swings

    Hot Lap #4

    Tabata #5: Wild Card (YHC did a Resistance Band Side Shuffle recommended by my PT; the rest did KB bench presses

    Hot Lap #5

    Tabata #6: 4 Minutes of Mary

    Hot Lap #6

    Spreadsheets from the Gloom:

    + Hitch wants everyone to know that it’s getting to be pickleball season. Bodos wants to remind everyone that he and Oyster are the reigning champions of the entire RVA region (not just WestHoe).

    + If you’ve read the bestselling (among guys who get up early in the morning to work out in The Gloom) literary masterpiece “Freed to Lead,” you might know that the work of Robert Putnam (author of “Bowling Alone”) on the critical importance of social connectedness in healthy societies was influential in the development of F3.

    On Monday, 4/28, the Doswell Operating Group is joining forces with local news startup The Richmonder to sponsor a screening of “Join or Die,” a documentary about Putnam and his work at the historic Byrd Theatre in Carytown. Afterward, I will be moderating a discussion about the film with director Rebecca Davis and Richmonder founder Michael Phillips.

    We’ve set aside 25 complimentary tickets for F3 pax and their guests. To reserve a seat, just fill out this form and select “I am with an event sponsor” under the Ticket Source section.

    + Bodos is looking for a good free tabata timer app for his phone. I have this one, but I think I paid for it. ChatGPT seems to think this is the best free option. Anyone else have ideas?

  • SOJ Takeover DENIED

    The frigid bell rang and four pax materialized out of The Gloom for a theoretical SOJ Takeover of the St. Christopher’s Country Club workout. However, the act of southern aggression was met with a swift northern counter-attack and Sasquatching of the would-be Q, NTB: If the interlopers were not familiar with the unique formatting, rhythm and rituals of the #SCCC workout (which Faceplant himself still hasn’t really mastered after three months), then how would the guests know what to do?

    Long story short: I handled the Q. Here’s what was done:

    Tabata #1: Alternating SSH / IW
    Hot Lap #1

    Tabata #2: Weighted Squats
    Hot Lap #2

    Tabata #3: Lawn Mowers / Shoulder Press
    Hot Lap #3

    Tabata #4: Plank Rotation
    Hot Lap #4

    Tabata #5: Player’s Choice / Wild Card
    Hot Lap #5

    Tabata #6: 4 Minutes of Mary
    Hot Laps #6 and 7

    Spreadsheets from the Gloom:

    I honestly don’t have a lot for you here. There was some pro football talk, maybe some talk about the CFP game, but I was mostly focused on not getting hypothermia. A quarter-century of Charlotte winters didn’t prepare me for an apparent move north of the Arctic Circle.

    The fact that Hitch was out sick meant I couldn’t give him the Christmas present that Santa belatedly misdelivered to my house. Maybe next week …

    Would love to welcome the SOJ guys back anytime — as well as any of the pre-holiday regulars, like Faceplant, Oyster, Bodos, etc. The SCCC is always in the market for new members, there’s no dress code and your down pain-ment doubles as your initiation fee.

    OBT

  • Retail Economics 101

    Five pax, including 4-time returning champion Oyster, made a dow-painment on their membership dues at the St. Christopher’s Country Club on Monday.

    The Thang:

    • Tabata #1: SSH / IW
    • Hot Lap #1
    • Tabata #2: Alternating Leg Bulgarian Split Squats
    • Hot Lap #2
    • Tabata #3: Alternating Shoulder Lawnmowers
    • Hot Lap #3
    • Tabata #4: Plank Rotation (Regular, Hand Taps, Elbow Taps, Shoulder Taps, Hip Taps, Knee Taps, Toe Taps, Elbows)
    • Hot Lap # 4
    • Tabata #5: Alternating O/H Press / Triceps Press
    • Hot Lap #5
    • Tabata # 6: 4 Minutes of Mary
    • Hot Laps #6 and 7

    Mumblechatter from the Gloom:

    _ Hitch showed up unfashionably late, so much so that he missed the first Tabata set, the first hot lap and half the second Tabata set. The update on his quest for an Implement of Woe is the prices are holding steady on FB Marketplace. Some of the pax suggested a visit to Play It Again Sports on Broad.

    _ Faceplant revealed that he once bought a pair of softball cleats at PIAS only to have to return them. He was surprised when the store declined to buy them back at the same price the sold them. An explanation of Retail Economics 101 ensued.

    _ A lot of talk about pickleball this morning. Apparently, Hitch and Bodos failed to defend their Church Retreat championship over the weekend, a result that was blamed on Hitch showing up to play in hiking boots. We were all grateful he showed up in running shoes this morning …

    _ More Hitch: Apparently, he wants to learn about American football. Can I propose a field trip to Saturday’s 2 p.m. clash between UofR and Towson at Robins Stadium? I’ll pay for Hitch’s ticket if anyone else wants to join, particularly anyone who went to a real football school.

    I am surrendering the steering wheel and opening things up to other Qs next Monday; Faceplant has offered to take the first shot; others should feel free to sign up.

    OBT

  • For Just 25 Cents a Day …

    Five pax paid their weekly dues at the St Christopher’s Country Club at 0530 Monday. Here’s what was accomplished:

    • Tabata #1: SSH / IW
    • Hot Lap #1
    • Tabata #2: Squats w/ weight
    • Hot Lap #2
    • Tabata #3: Alternating Shoulder Lawnmowers
    • Hot Lap #3
    • Tabata #4: Merkin Rotation (Regular, Wide-Arm, Diamond, Carolina Dry Dock) x 2
    • Hot Lap # 4
    • Tabata #5: Alternating O/H Press / Triceps Press
    • Hot Lap #5
    • Tabata # 6: 4 Minutes of Mary
    • Hot Laps #6 and 7

    Mumblechatter from the Gloom:

    • Hitch’s paternity leave is going great and appears to consist of naps, daydreaming business ideas, having Swirly install a gas fireplace log and haunting Facebook Marketplace in search of potential SCCC Implements of Woe costing <$1 per pound of weight (shipping included). Won’t someone just play Sally Struthers and pass the hat some morning at COT so we can buy the man a kettlebell and be done with it? For less than the cost of a cup of coffee …
    • True story: Hitch had never seen a blade of grass before coming to America, couldn’t even conceptualize a machine such as a lawnmower. Now, he’s dreaming up startup businesses — many of them apparently tortilla-adjacent — and refusing to let Upchuck in on the Friends & Family round. The American Dream, baby!
    • The question came up, apparently by way of curious pax in Houston: Why is a shoulder push-up called a Carolina Dry Dock? The answer (as with so many F3 oddities): Because That’s What Dredd Called It.
    • Dogs, many of them in neon harnesses, were being walked in laps on the field adjacent to the track. F3/K9, perhaps … No word if they were doing Tabata in between.
    • TAP for MFaceplant and MTYA.

    We’re here every Monday at the cushiest track in metro RVA to start your week off right. Join us — I’ll lead next Monday, then turn the reins over to anyone who wants to take a shot.

    OBT