Author: Upchuck

  • Say, Man, You Left Your Lights On

    Ten men of fortitude sought the light of guidance and goodness in the latest edition of The First Watch. Temperatures remained a constant and predictable 70 and sunny. According to the very male, very not a hot blond female friend of Handshake’s, the following might have happened.

    Mosey to the RRC, B steps for the COP.

    73 SSHs.

    3 WWIIs. (73-3…IYKYK)

    Dead Man Hang, walk the hands out, right leg high, left leg high.

    Downward Dog (the artist formerly known as someone’s wife)

    Pigeon left, pigeon right.

    Right leg over left. Left leg over right.

    Imperial walkers.

    Hillbillies.

    Hand release mercans.

    Reverse crunches x25

    Flutter kicks x20 or so.

    Let’s mosey to the parking lot / road / smallest park in all of Henrico.

    Touch a tree. Rounds of 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2. Exercises were WWIIs, squats, a weird form of helicopters (?), and something else.

    Mosey down the street to the house that is gradually being taken over by self-reproducing light-scaping.

    Each elevated light – 5 WWIIs

    Each gas light – 5 burpees

    Each ground light – 5 squats.

    YHC estimates 10 burpees, 40 WWIIs, and 60 squats.

    Add some flutter kicks for the aquatic lights.

    YHC apologizes to the lights on the door frames and the guest house…we hardly knew ye.

    Mosey down the street to the neighbors, who surely are named Jones. Same deal…probably 60 squats, 12 burpees, and some other stuff.

    Continue on down the road…mercans for the orange markers, YHC thinks flutters (maybe?) for the trash can.

    Continue down the road…we stop for the transformer, the water shut off valve, the empty real estate sign, and another transformer. Various exercises, including multiple rounds of invigorating arm circles. YHC aims to please.

    5 Shoulder taps at each utility flag. Bear crawl in between flags. Sufficetosay, there were a lot of flags (20+?). Mercifully, time was called.

    Mosey BTTVSF.

    Numbers, names, and Attilla took us out with a message about being thankful for friendships.

    Announcements: Handshake says the Summer Tour is over. He’s starting a Fall Tour next week. See Handshake for details.

    Prayers for Hitchhiker and his family (father’s passing), Speakeasy and his family (illness), Kubota’s surgery (knee) and others having challenges. Prayers if you are traveling with Gumbo.

    Good luck to Wojo (aka, Pink Refresher) with his presentation today and hope all are healthy at home.

  • Attilla’s Gastrointestinal Stretches

    Six brogi circled up to stretch in The Gloom in the latest edition of Broga. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the person shining their headlights on us, the following might have happened.

    4:30 Launch

    4:31 Late arrivals (because 4:30 is really early)

    Areas of focus included calves, shins, hamstrings, back, chest, tummy, shoulders, and neck. Or, basically, everything.

    Shivasana for the six.

    Numbers, names, and we didn’t really do numbers and names. But, YHC said a silent thank you for these clowns.

  • Dr. Chandler Will See You Now

    13 of F3 RVA’s finest OG’s slipped out of the house and into The Gloom for the latest edition of The Spider Run. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the billy goats in residence, the following might have happened:

    First, the route apparently set the F3RVA record for the greatest number of turns, the largest number of street name changes without a turn, and the lowest average distance traveled per street. In the spirit of Lab Rat, the YHC apologizes.

    Route:

    Left out of the parking lot, and follow whatever the road that is not called UR Drive is in fact called until it loops back to Campus Drive. Turn left on Campus.

    Cross College, and take the trail to Wheeler.

    Left on Wheeler, which becomes Hampshire (only everyone thinks it’s Horsepen). Right on Dartmoor.

    Left onto Horsepen, go 10 yards, and left onto Waveney. Do not turn on Cheshire (In the spirit of Lab Rat, again, YHC apologizes).

    Right on Wood. Right on Cornwall. Right on Devon. Right on Ridge Top. Easy enough?

    Left on Chandler DRIVE. Up Chandler. Up, up, up. At the top, turn around. Down, down, down Chandler.

    At the bottom, turn around. Up, up Chandler. To Chandler CIRCLE. To the end, turn around, then cross Chandler DRIVE to the other end of Chandler CIRCLE, turn around. Turn LEFT on Chandler DRIVE.

    Down, down Chandler DRIVE.

    Turn around. Up Chandler DRIVE to Gardiner. Turn left and go to the end. Turn around. Take Gardiner to Chandler DRIVE, cross Chandler DRIVE, go up, up Gardiner and over the hill.

    Left on Wheeler.

    Right at the trailhead. Back to Campus Drive.

    4’s take Campus to a right on UR Drive and BTTVSF.

    5’s take Campus to Towana to Roselawn and BTTVSF.

    6’s take Campus to Towana to Three Chopt. Right on Iris, and follow Iris as it changes names every 100 yards…Robin, Ridgeway…and BTTVSF.

    Numbers, names, and YHC pulled a Lockjaw and cold called Lockjaw, who took us out, with a message about better directions from the Q. In the spirit of Lab Rat, YHC apologizes.

    NMS: For many years, the quintessential F3 RVA CSAUP was the Blue Ridge Relay. 210 miles or so of glorious hills, switchbacks, blind curves, dark hollows, and, according to legend, bears. Truly a test of physical and mental stamina. And, a path to building this Brotherhood. The BRR starts this Friday, so today’s route was an Ode to BRR Training of years past.

    Richmond has no hills comparable to the BRR (Twin Team is a speed bump by comparison). And, Richmond surely has no routes with 4-10 miles of intense hills. So, up and down Chandler had to suffice on Tuesdays in years past. Nice to relive the good ole days.

    Prayer Requests:

    For Hitch and his family as they mourn his father’s passing.

    For Speakeasy and his family as their bear the trial of battling cancer.

    For those researching cures for cancer, you inspire the rest of us. God speed in your research, regardless of what land mass you stand on when running your tests. May government policy not be a CSAUP exercise that keeps you from finding a cure.

    For our pal Splinter, who is gradually weaning the rest of us off the Big Data teet…lend the man a hand in his request for us to test his solutions.

    For my Mom…happy birthday. 87 today. John 8:32.

  • Ass-sopho-gasical (or something like that)

    8 men of strong moral principles refused to be drawn in by the Fart Sack and posted to the latest edition of The Dogpile. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the police officer slow trolling us, the following might have happened:

    Mosey in

    Mosey in a roughly south / south-east direction with slight changes to the bearing in order to keep one Frog, Senor approximately 3-5 points off the bow of the Pax. All stop, back full, and emergency turns, including a Crazy Ivan, incorporated accordingly.

    Picture a drunk driver trying to Q, while simultaneously avoid driving into his prior colleague’s butt. Only Handshake was not in a car, he was running-ish. Clydesdales, eh?

    COP

    SSHs, Swedish chef style.
    Ukrainian Soldiers (Look for the video on You Tube of Froggy and Wojo doing this. Do not use your work computer, unless your work does not let you have a browser). Eye-ball roll by Handshake.
    Handshake tried Saab’s ball lickers.
    Really fast up-squats. And, then slow down squats.

    Here’s where it gets weird. We ran north, then east, then stopped. Then, we were told to go down some steps and then up some steps, only before we did either of those things, we pointed out that the “up” steps were actually a bridge / dam. So, “no steps.” We then reconnoitered the area (“Secured the AO,” said Swirly from somewhere far away) and confirmed no steps. So, we went to another set of steps, down those steps, and re-started our habit of “Watch what Senor Frog does, then do the opposite.”

    We stopped, and then we split into two groups. Group “1” and Group “2.” Stick with me. Group 1 runs to their own count of 20 “Mississippi.” Yep, like on your front lawn playing neighborhood football, unless you are so young that you played networked video games, in which case you probably cannot run fast enough to keep up and your childhood was sad. Meanwhile, Group 2 did an exercise. Things like mercans, WWIIs, flutter kicks, and so forth. When the group running reached 20 Mississippi, they yelled back to Group 2. This triggered two things: a) Group 2 started to run towards Group 1, and b) anyone within hearing distance assumed that there was a male in distress in the park. Somewhere during this period John Law was seen driving around the perimeter of Lake Shields, which is the actual name of the lake. The Pax continued this pattern for one full circumnavigation of Lake Shields.

    Flip it to UpChuck to Q:

    Mosey back to the scene of the dueling sets of stairs on either side of the Lake Shields Causeway. Partner up. One partner runs down one set of stairs to the bench, does 10 mercans, and runs back up to the road. The other partner runs down the other set of steps, does 10 WWIIs, and runs back up to the road. Do this one time for each partner on each side of the road. 5 burpees in between on Round 1. 50 4-count flutter kicks (combined) on Round 2.

    Mosey along the lakeshore, take in the scenery, and find the weirdly circular grove of trees. Enter through the dueling up-side down curly-Qs (really, they are there). Listen while every Pax member uses the word “romantic” separately to describe the location. Some people need to get out more. But, not Froggy. We’ll get back to him later.

    SSHs. Leave Froggy at his romantic table.

    Run along the lakeshore.

    Stop where there are three sets of stairs (long, medium, and short). Bear crawl up the long, polar bear up the medium, and squats on the short. Run between.

    Next, head back to the long staircase. With some spreading out of the PAX, we had four stations…10 mercans at the top, polar bear up the stairs, 5 WWIIs, and 20 dips. Do that 2 times.

    Mosey in the general direction of the shovel flag, circling back for the Six. Senor Frog regretted his loss of coitus as a result of his presence. Never a dull moment.

    Stop at the stop sign(s). Face off on the white line with another PAX member. Do 5 boo-yah mercans. Swap through the other PAX members until each has partnered with each of the others.

    BTTVSF. Numbers, names, and YHC took us out with a message about goodness and sharing joy.

    Announcements:

    Wojo is leading the Convergence on Monday at 7:00 a.m. We shall see whether the West End Boys show up to this Post-Gloom workout…you whined for it, and you got it. Let’s go!

    Prayers for Speakeasy and for Florence and his family.

    NMS: Senor Frog literally grinned for one full hour. Incredible.

  • 3 at 4

    One launched at 4 to ruck 3 with 40. Conditions continued to hold steady at 70 and sunny. According to not a darn soul out there, the following might have happened:

    Counter-clockwise loops. 3 miles. Fudd stop in there somewhere.

    Always good to see the Dolphins rookies waiting to leave for work at 5:30. Those kids work hard. Good luck to each of them.

    Number, name, and YHC took himself out.

  • Man Down, Man Up, Man Injured

    Eight launched on 3 non-intersecting paths that all concluded at ETs (Still open!) in the latest edition of Sunday Funday. Temperatures were 70 and steamy. According to the rock that poked into Swiper’s foot, the following might have happened.

    Saab ran about 10. Who knows. Launched from River Road, Finished at ETs.

    TYA rode about 50. Launched from The Fan. Tagged Ashland. Finished at ETs.

    Remaining PAX launched from Pump House, tagged Buttermilk, then mostly Belle Isle, then North Bank. Most of the Pax wrapped the run at Pump House, then by car to ETs. Like the Wise Man that he is, Sippy Cup returned home by another route.

    Numbers, names, and emotional COT.

    NMS: Swiper won’t be swiping for a bit. Heal that ankle. (The Pax returned to the scene of the crime, dug out the rock, and threw it in the river. That’ll teach it).

  • 4 Miles and One Squat

    One launched from 1230 SPIR at 4:30 in the latest edition of The Clinic. Temperatures were 700 and sunny (ok, maybe only 70). According to the mother goose raising her goslings, the following might have happened:

    3.9 miles with 40 pounds.

    Number, name, and YHC took himself out.

    NMS: when rucking, if a pit stop is required, pack on or pack off? Pax decided it counts as “one squat” if pack is on.

    Announcements: Breaking Bread in August. If old dogs can learn new tricks, you too can do a 3rd F to help others. Sign up today…F3RVA has done this every month for over 10 years. Don’t break the chain!

  • Resilient Joy at The Hoedown

    8 summer migrants settled in at 5:30 for a Hoedown-style beatdown. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the Zing Fit regulars, the following might have happened:

    Drip, drip, drip…ok, we need to start…someone will have to catch up.

    Mosey to the Teacher Parking Lot for the COP:

    SSHs x40
    Dead Man Hang
    Walk it out…left leg high, right leg high
    The Artist Formerly Known as Fudd’s Wife, then Wilson’s Wife.
    Hand-Release Mercans x15
    Imperial Walkers x10
    On your six…flutter kicks x20
    Inverted scorpion kicks
    Recover…left leg over right and stretch…and right leg over left…and stretch.

    Let’s mosey…Bodo’s spitefully closed one of the parking lots for construction…mosey to the front lawn…WWIIs…and something else.

    Mosey to the Unclosed Third Church Parking Lot (which is really the Official F3 Weight Lifting Station and Parking Facility).

    Grab a partner and a block. 2 men, three rounds.

    Round 1:

    Partner 1: Run the loop.
    Partner 2: Bench press.

    Round 2: Run and curls.

    Round 3: Run and block thrusters.

    Keep the Same Partner:

    Someone was kind enough to leave 2 orange cones in the lot. Each team member will go from Cone 1 to Cone 2 (which is one segment) and Back (collectively a “lap”). Each person will make TWO full laps, or 4 segments. At least two of 4 segments, in any order, should be a bear crawl. Each man chooses his own adventure.

    The second partner does a block exercise of his choice. When the first partner completes his 4 segments, the second partner tells the first partner which block exercise to do.

    The two partners then switch roles. This goes on for 3 total rounds (which is often called a Triple Check, but this one only has 2 partners).

    The questions will continue until morale improves.

    At some point, the PAX did a Bro-code style run around Bodo’s Office, a symbolic protest over the closed parking lot.

    Keep the Same Partner:

    Remember the two orange cones? Ok, run the opposite direction around the parking lot from Cone 1 to Cone 2 (the “long way”). Partner 1 does this two times.

    Partner 2 does a block exercise of his choice.

    When Partner 1 has finished, the two partners switch and repeat.

    Pigskin gave us a Roman-ian 20 count…in Latin letters. Nicely done.

    Grab a Parking Space:

    3 mercans, 3 WWIIs, and 3 squats. Move the adjacent spaces until YHC calls time.

    Mosey BTTVSF.

    2 MsoM.

    Numbers, Names, and YHC took us out with a message of gratitude.

    Announcements:

    Breaking Bread for August…one spot remains. This is F3RVA’s oldest continuous volunteer effort, well over 10 years. Make dinner for about 8-12 people who are in need of help while they recover from injuries, surgeries, or illnesses. Straight up opportunity to do affirmative good and set a clear example of positive leadership (i.e., “make an impact”). Let’s go!

    The neighborhood around Hoedown took some severe weather on Friday. No deaths or injuries, thankfully, but many trees downed that heavily damaged cars and houses. YHC is very thankful that everyone came through physically fine. Property can be replaced….

    Results in the 20 Count Challenge Today:

    First Place: Pigskin
    Second Place: Seymour
    Third Place: Wojo* (*technically, Wojo only completed a 19 count, which was all that was requested)

    DQ’d: Oyster

  • Cal Ripken, Phil Kessel, and Brett Favre at The Clinic

    4:00 a.m. at the COP. A record starting time for a domestic Clinic.

    4:01 a.m. 40 pound pack loaded and off. A record load at The Clinic.

    3.7 miles, or roughly 6 loops (more loops than a full Barkley Marathon, which is only 5 loops). A record rucking distance at The Clinic.

    Today is 150 (maybe more) versions of The Clinic. YHC has attended all of them. Record. Still streaking. And, likely an F3 record.

    Today is also 150 (maybe more) consecutive Q’s for YHC at The Clinic. Incredible. Also, another record. (Footnote: possibly the all-time F3 record for an

    Total numbers at The Clinic…154. Also, you guessed it, another record. Boom.

    And, the route was done counter-clockwise today…as usual…also another record.

  • It’s the Mullet of Cars

    YHC thinks he got that right, but in any case, 3 men of driving means met on the mean streets of Westham for a meandering beatdown. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the facilities person who showed up 45 minutes late for his work(out), the following might have happened:

    COP:

    Mosey to the small teacher’s parking lot. Triangle up.

    Surprisingly, we started with side-straddle hops. Saab-style. No cadence, Handshake-style.

    Dead Man Hang.

    Right leg high. Left leg high.

    Hand release ‘mercans. Or, in Bodo’s’ case, no release, all-dry ‘mercans.

    (Side Note: YHC posits that possessive of “Bodo’s” would be “Bodo’s’.” Please put your thoughts in the Comments. And, while you are at it, hit “Like” and “Subscribe.”).

    Copperhead Squats.

    Imperial Walkers.

    Mosey 3 Paces to YHC’s Left for Parking Space Trios

    3 mercans, 3 WWIIs, 3 squats at each space. Approximately 18 spaces. 3 burpees at any space that is marked “No Parking.”

    Mosey to the School for 7’s

    Like elevens, only 7s. Flutter kicks and decline ‘mercans on the asphalt hill. Run to the wall and back.

    Touch-a-Tree.

    Touch x number of trees. But, you can’t touch the same tree 2 times. Except, because there are not many trees, but there are lots of tree trunks, you can touch multiple trunks on the same tree.

    Bonus: Touching the Tuckahoe Rock triggers a 2x multiple.

    Negative: Touching the Tuckahoe Rock AND touching the same tree trunk two times triggers a .5x multiplier (a penalty factor, if you will). Remember, kids, even one of the 10 Commandments calls out liars and cheaters.

    Triangle Up. Numbers, names, and YHC took us out with a message of thanks.

    Great to see you two today. Thank you for letting me lead.