Author: Whitesnake

  • If you come to Gridiron, all of your wildest dreams will come true

    A dozen warriors came to Gridiron this morning for a Whitesnake beatdown. No theme, no games–just some hard work, listening too much to Lighthouse, Attila doing his best Napoleon Dynamite impression and lots of burpees.

    Started with some warmups in the new pickle ball lot including SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, DQ, Helicopters, Hammers, LBCs, Copperhead Squats, Arm Circles, Merkins and other stuff I don’t remember. Perhaps some sic num-chuk skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

    Moseyed to the track (which Mr. Rogers already ran around a couple times pre workout) and did a triple check where the timer ran half a lap and the other two (spaced on opposite sides of the track) did Squats and then Hand Release Merkins.  Overheard White Deer asking Attila what he was going to do today.  Attila’s response of “Whatever I feel like I want to do, Gosh!” was rude.

    Moseyed to the parking lot and did what some call a star and others call a wheel. Four spokes of 25 count WW2, 2 count flutters, Merkins, and heels to heaven and a hub of 5 burpees. Start with 5 burpees and come to the hub for 5 more after each exercise. Total burpee count 25.

    Jog over to the covered bus loop for another triple check with new partners. Timer runs the triangle, partners to the poley thing (smokers) and the other does a pole sit with airpress.  Attila telling Salt Lick that “he has the worst reflexes of all time” resulted in Salt Lick responding with “Try and hit me Attila” and that ended the discussion.

    Worked our way to the basketball court for some elevens of Bobby Hurleys and Burpees. “Good idea” said Tatar and then asked how many and I repeated “Elevens” and he changed his mind on the idea. Started with ten Bobby Hurleys and one burpee on the other side of the court. 55 total of each. Most of us shot 100% (55 for 55) with our imaginary ball but Piglet only went 54 for 55 (got too fancy with his moves) and Lighthouse and Seymore went 0 for 55 as I still don’t know what they were shooting at. Seymore did not care and instead bragged: Oh yeah? Who’s the only one here who knows secret Ninja moves from the government? Total burpee count now 80.

    Moseyed to Pigskin’s Parkour area and when the 4 walkers arrived, we did 4 burpees (84 total) to Lighthouse’s request and Attila/Napoleon’s protest. After Attila was asked how the workout is going so far he responded with: “The worst day of my life, what do you think?” No Parkour today just a good place to wait for the six.

    Went to the front of the school and added a burpee for fun (85 total) on the way for Lighthouse. Then did two rounds of people’s chair (Elaines and milkers) mixed with balls to the wall (toe taps and Australians). Lighthouse’s love for burpees resulted in a loss of focus and a bloody knee after some bad Australian form. Almost broke his coccyx. “Freakin’ Idiot!” shouted Attila.

    Back to the parking lot with the runners doing 20 dips on the bleachers while we waited for the wounded walkers.

    Circled up for some Mary of reverse crunches, flutters, dollys and rosalitas and then time for 3 more burpees (88 total). We did not do the burpee count until coffee and it gave me regrets for not finding a way to add 12 more during the workout. Would have been some additional sweet jumps.

    Prayers for the new graduates, Fireman Ed, Roger Roger and Fudd’s sister Mary.

    Glad Limey joined us from Charlotte during his visit to Richmond for a graduation. Special coffeteria guests included Chum, Gypsy and Fireman Ed. Fireman Ed just wrapped up a big stage of his treatment and is feeling good. When the next scan comes in favorable, he can move to periodic scans and hopefully remission. And perhaps superpowers (throwing a football over them mountains?).

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!

    Ten noble warriors ventured to Heartbreak Ridge hoping to avoid the Ridge. After ten minutes of typical warmups, we instead hit the tennis courts for some dodgeball. Tatar and Mr. Rogers sat out and did their own exercises–due to some combination of injury, keeping teams even and recurring wedgy nightmares from 8th grade.

    We did best of 5. Team Fuddskinattilahouse vs Team Handfrogsnakarone. You get hit or your ball gets caught, you go to the designated area and do 5 burpees and then can come back. If no one from your team is left in the doubles court, you lose. After Handshake reminded us of the 5 D’s of Dodgeball, we began.

    Final result: Team Handfrogsnakarone won 3 via great dodging, dipping, diving, ducking and dodging. Team Fuddskinattilahouse won 2 by technicality–the other team still had ‘alive’ players but was getting balls off court. Were those details necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but I do it anyway because it’s sterile and I like the taste.

    We left the courts with enough time to hit the benches in the front of the school for two rounds of Bulgarians, dips and one round of derkins.

    Back to the flag for heels to heaven, flutters, lbcs and ten burpees.

    Christmas in July is coming soon but until then, there is the Memorial Day convergence at 7 at Tredegar and Pickleball starting the following Monday at Forest Hill Park. And don’t forget, I don’t think I’m a lot dumber than you think that I thought that I thought I was once.

  • WTF Attila??

    Six of us did some of Attila’s greatest hits but also ran ~ 3 miles because he was not here.

    We moseyed to the Wells Fargo for warmups and did his routine of SSH, IW, DQ, Arm Circles, Helicopters, DMH, Merkins and LBCs (sorry for APDs).

    Then ran to Flo’s parking lot and visited 5 light poles and did 10 HRM at each (50 total). Then did a 3X check of running, jump squats and Freddies.

    Ran back to the Wells Fargo and partnered up. One ran around the bank while the other did Heals to Heaven, then LBCs and finally Flutters.

    Made it back to Pocahontas in time for a little Mary.

    Attila only comes to WTF when someone is injured and plans to do a walking workout around the school. Thankfully, everyone attending is healthy and was ready to run in the humidity.

    Prayers for Roger Roger, Fireman Ed and Fudd’s sister Mary.

    Looking forward to Attila getting Respect at his Kettle Q tomorrow before coffee.

  • Five Hot Dudes

    According to the school alarm that our hotness turned off, we did the following:

    Warmed up near the front door with an assortment of exercises including SSH, DQ, Merkins, Helicopters, Reverse Crunches and Suzanne Somers. We then moseyed to the back picnic tables and did elevens–starting with ten dips, ran up the hill to the blacktop and did one Hand Release Merkin. That hill is no joke.

    Next we did four Abs corners in honor of our missing leader Tater: corner 1: 20 Heals to Heaven; corner 2: 30 two count Hammers; corner 3: 40 two count Flutters; corner 4: 50 LBCs. We did corner 1, then corner 1 +2, then 1+2+3 and then all four.

    With more time left, we ran to the bus loop and did a loop of 2 burpees at every tree or poll. 15-16 total stops.

    Moseyed back to the parking lot for a COT of a few exercises, including crunchy frogs, and stretching.

    CSAUP this Friday/Sat. Bluegrass Jam Saturday (www.rvabluegrassjam.com).

    Prayers for Roger Roger, Fireman Ed and Fudd’s sister Mary, and for all of you.

    The Deep is always open.

  • Straight up in ya!

    Eight was enough this morning for a trip through Henrico and 80s music history.

    7 started some SSH while waiting for Seymore to arrive and from there we went to the bus circle lawn for official warmups. We did some combination of Helicopters, Hillbillies, Dead man hang, Cherry Pickers, Merkins, LBCs and Heals to Heaven. From there we moseyed down the marshy hill to the street and headed to Nuckols farm. The pax were enthralled with half a story on the original farm and a fire until Gomer made it. After partnering up we did 3 rounds of 3 partner “touch a tree”, switching partners after 3 rounds. 1st round HRM, 2nd round Burpees, 3rd round WWII.

    Went across the street to a triangle plot of land, and did 3 corners of 20 squats, shoulder taps and SSH, prostitute style.

    Moseyed back to the marshy hill, got past the squish, and then did ten up and downs the hill to practice for Die Hard. Then went to the bus loop poles to do some Paula Abdul pole smoking. Ten pole smokers, lunge forward two poles, lunge backward one and repeat. Eventually went 4 poles forward, 2 poles back. Got about halfway down the covered bus pickup and then moseyed back to the start.

    The pax sadly could only name 2 Paula Abdul songs at first but during the rest of Mary, we remembered two more. Attila denied going to see Paula Abdul as a little kid. Not buying it. Mary consisted of LBCs, Flutters, a few burpees and Freddie Mercuries.

    Pax then got some homework to listen to the Bullet Boys. “Smooth up in ya!” is a classic.

    Good to see Pinto at The Deep as we did about 1.5 miles of traveling today. Prayers for Piglet’s family as kid number two comes tomorrow (either named Maggie or Paula Abdul, don’t remember). Prayers also for Fireman Ed, Roger Roger’s family and Fudd’s sister.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • Community Property

    Thirteen (!) of the best men from the West End came to the back of Godwin for a very special comedic episode of Circus Maximus. Music from Weird Al and some other comedy bands.

    Warmups to “Like a Surgeon” and “My Bologna”: SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, IW, Arm Circles, LBCs, Flutters, maybe something else.

    “Eat it”: High Pulls transition to Swings during the Chorus

    “Dick in a Box” by the Lonely Island: Floor Press, Box Cutters (of course)

    “Amish Paradise”: Partner wheelbarrows with ten pushups (2 times each)

    “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo” by the Bloodhound Gang: Hammers and APDs during the Chorus. Lots of great lyrics in this song for all newcomers. “Marinate the nether rod in the squish mitten” is a good example.

    “Smells Like Nirvana”: Halos and Jump Squats during the Chorus.

    “Loud Ass Car” by Wolves of Glendale: OH Press and Lunges during Chorus

    “I Glued my balls to my Butthole Again” by Obscurest Vinyl: Sit & Press and OH Pulls. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on glue.

    “White & Nerdy”: Side Lunges and Curls

    “Fat”: Sumo squats (thanks Seymore for showing us the right form) and Burpees during the Chorus

    “Community Property”: Steel Panther: Triceps and Cleans. Nothing clean about this romantic song. “You’re the only girl that I like to screw when I’m not on the road”.

    “Headline News”: Some stretching to this parody of “Mmmmmm, mmmmmmm”. Cut it off before we got to the verse about the old news story about cutting it off. “And then, there was this guy who, made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner, and when he finally came to, he found little Mr. Happy was missing, he couldn’t quite explain it, It’d always just beeeeen theeeeeeere, mmmmmmmm, mmmmmm”

    Announcement, Prayers and the best coffee in Richmond.

    Until next time,

    Weird Al Whitesnakovic

  • Wet and Wild Spring Break

    Three couples went to the fabulous Short Pump for Spring Break this year. Lighthouse lifted his shirt with glee when the theme was announced (true story). Like at a lot of island resorts, we had to start where it smelled like piss and the picnic tables are chained to the ground (the dog park pavilion). In addition to the running warmup to get there, we did some warmups of IW, DQ then transitioned to merkins. One of the wives complained about the ground being disgusting so after the merkins we continued our trip in paradise at the Water Park! The family hooted with glee. At the water park, we did some ab warmups of flutters and lbcs and then were ready for a threesome check.

    The timer chased their kids around the loop while the other two did HRM and Squats. After 3 rounds, we were all sweaty and tired and decided to hit the sand! We also wanted to see some baseball this spring break so we did both. After moseying to the baseball field, the timer did ten burpees at home then relieved the WWII folks on first, who relieved the Heals to Heaven people on second who relieved the reverse crunch people on 3rd, who then went home to do ten burpees (and so on). We went around once and the sun and sand made us hungry.

    We ran across Pump to find all the food choices at this resort: Mexican, chicken, a nice bar, it has it all! Feeling like something extra nice, we went to Tazza and did 7’s of Burpees and Jump Squats. We then ran home and talked about butt stuff.

    It was a great Spring Break and no matter what you hear from other Spring Breakers, this was the best!

    Lunch next Tuesday back at Firehouse Subs (Ed’s place), noon.

    Thanks from Salt Lick for welcoming him to F3 Richmond.

    Prayers for Roger Roger, Fireman Ed and Fudd’s sister Mary.

    Talk to your travel agent about the Short Pump resort experience. Five Stars!

  • My log-in works!

    After a few months away, I am back on the Q circuit. My Garmin app is still calling me “unproductive” but hopefully not for long.

    On a warm Monday morning, seven West End warriors came to the Deep and patiently dealt with my bad ideas. We started with a mosey past the bus pickup and to the back of the school. We stopped at the loading dock area where is it is a nice slanted bumpy concrete and rocky slab-first bad idea. Perfect for warmups. We did some SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, DQs, Helicopters got on our six for some LBCs and Flutters. With Spring Break I thought we had the place to ourselves and then the car lights started getting closer and our warmups were over.

    We moseyed to the blacktop and did 4 corners together: 10 HRM, Bear crawl, 20 Jump Squats, Run, 30 two count Hammers, Bear crawl, 40 SSH, run to the start. After making sure the Pax knew the 4 exercises we challenged our minds with what I am calling 4 corner 40. Bad Idea #2–using math. Pick any of the four exercises that add up to 40 and go the appropriate corner(s) then come back to the start. We then did 50 and then I realized some people were just picking any count they wanted of each exercise. After mansplaining that the count had to be the same as the beginning (10HRM in corner 1, 20 Jump Squats in corner 2, etc) we redid 50 and then did 60,70,80,90 and then did the initial route again with the bear crawls for 100. Total of 640 of some choose your own adventure combination of HRM, Jump Squats, Hammers and SSH.

    Next bad idea: from the edge of the blacktop near the school, crab walk forward down the hill. “Impossible” they say. All seven did it fine, no one fell; should be the only way down the hill from now on.

    Bad idea #4: Mosey to the big hill and run up and all the way to sidewalk for 20 WW2, run back down. Do this 3 times.

    Last bad idea: Mosey to the flag and test our coordination. Circle up and do Copperhead Squats but don’t start until after the person next to you starts. A Copperhead Squat wave started and after going around twice I had to stop it. It was bad. Then we tried going the other direction and it looked good for about 2 seconds and then it crashed and burned. Had more time for the flutters and heals to heaven and it was time.

    Attila took us out with prayers for Roger Roger and his family, Fireman Ed and all Pax needing prayers.

    Happy to be back out and looking forward to being “productive”

  • You almost killed Pigskin!

    It was cold rainy day in March and Johnsonville had the Q. Gomer made some early comment about not using any cover and Johnsonville complied. There was running and exercising around the pickleball courts and lots of work in puddles. This Q became legendary because Pigskin quit early thinking he was going to die if he continued. They were so cold that Johnsonville forgot to post the backblast. “Stupid” is what is referenced when looking back on this Q. Remember, as Mr. Garrison said, “there are no stupid answers, just stupid people”.

  • Heartbreak Ridge: Wrapped

    Heartbreak Ridge: Wrapped

    2024 was another great year at Heartbreak and for the final Q, we reviewed some of our greatest hits. And if the Pax guessed the Q for each routine, the Q did 5 burpees (and they never guessed wrong).

    We started with a warmup of SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, Dead man’s hang, Cherry Pickers, Flutters, Handshake Scorpion Kicks, Half Pencil Roll, Honeydo Scorpion Kicks & HRM.

    Then we hit the bus loop and did 3 squats at each pole. This was a Senor Frog special and with him not attending, no burpees were assigned.

    We hit the back lot and partnered up for some wheelbarrows and derkins (3X). Honeydo was the Q and was correctly guessed by the Pax and so he did 5 burpees in honor of his Q and the rest did SSH.

    We were next to the bleachers so did a Lindsey of Step-ups and Dips. The Pax correctly identified this as an Attila favorite and he did 5 burpees as the rest did SSH.

    After a mosey to the wall, we did a triple check of people’s chair with overhead press, LBCs and the runner going to the far right pole and weaving their way to the far left pole, then the same from the left for the second run and for the final run, going straight ahead and then choosing left or right. Handshake started by saying this was his and so he did 5 burpees at the end while we did SSH.

    Mosey to the railing and it was time for a Pigskin favorite. 7’s with the railings in the middle: go over the railings one way and under the other. The exercises were HRM and WW2. Pigskin did his 5 burpees and we all did SSH.

    Time was running out so we went back to the flag. Those that did not have an exercise called or did not Q today (Gomer, Lighthouse, Offshore, Blue Moon), did not Q enough at Heartbreak in 2024 and so did ten burpees while the rest of us did SSH. Then the 5 of us with multiple Q’s in 2024 (Handshake, Attila, Pigskin, Honeydo and me) did 5 burpees to catch up. We all finished with SSH until time.

    Announcement: 1/1/25 Convergence at Dogpile/WDog

    Prayers: Thanks for 2024 for blessings in 2025 and raising up Fudd’s sister Mary, Fireman Ed and Roger Roger’s family.

    Coffeeteria at Starbucks. Attila did not attend because he had to take a shit and the rest of us, joined by Hutton, talked about taking a shit.

    Pigskin left us with the “see you next year” dad joke. Of course he did.