Author: Whitesnake

  • Straight up in ya!

    Eight was enough this morning for a trip through Henrico and 80s music history.

    7 started some SSH while waiting for Seymore to arrive and from there we went to the bus circle lawn for official warmups. We did some combination of Helicopters, Hillbillies, Dead man hang, Cherry Pickers, Merkins, LBCs and Heals to Heaven. From there we moseyed down the marshy hill to the street and headed to Nuckols farm. The pax were enthralled with half a story on the original farm and a fire until Gomer made it. After partnering up we did 3 rounds of 3 partner “touch a tree”, switching partners after 3 rounds. 1st round HRM, 2nd round Burpees, 3rd round WWII.

    Went across the street to a triangle plot of land, and did 3 corners of 20 squats, shoulder taps and SSH, prostitute style.

    Moseyed back to the marshy hill, got past the squish, and then did ten up and downs the hill to practice for Die Hard. Then went to the bus loop poles to do some Paula Abdul pole smoking. Ten pole smokers, lunge forward two poles, lunge backward one and repeat. Eventually went 4 poles forward, 2 poles back. Got about halfway down the covered bus pickup and then moseyed back to the start.

    The pax sadly could only name 2 Paula Abdul songs at first but during the rest of Mary, we remembered two more. Attila denied going to see Paula Abdul as a little kid. Not buying it. Mary consisted of LBCs, Flutters, a few burpees and Freddie Mercuries.

    Pax then got some homework to listen to the Bullet Boys. “Smooth up in ya!” is a classic.

    Good to see Pinto at The Deep as we did about 1.5 miles of traveling today. Prayers for Piglet’s family as kid number two comes tomorrow (either named Maggie or Paula Abdul, don’t remember). Prayers also for Fireman Ed, Roger Roger’s family and Fudd’s sister.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • Community Property

    Thirteen (!) of the best men from the West End came to the back of Godwin for a very special comedic episode of Circus Maximus. Music from Weird Al and some other comedy bands.

    Warmups to “Like a Surgeon” and “My Bologna”: SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, IW, Arm Circles, LBCs, Flutters, maybe something else.

    “Eat it”: High Pulls transition to Swings during the Chorus

    “Dick in a Box” by the Lonely Island: Floor Press, Box Cutters (of course)

    “Amish Paradise”: Partner wheelbarrows with ten pushups (2 times each)

    “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo” by the Bloodhound Gang: Hammers and APDs during the Chorus. Lots of great lyrics in this song for all newcomers. “Marinate the nether rod in the squish mitten” is a good example.

    “Smells Like Nirvana”: Halos and Jump Squats during the Chorus.

    “Loud Ass Car” by Wolves of Glendale: OH Press and Lunges during Chorus

    “I Glued my balls to my Butthole Again” by Obscurest Vinyl: Sit & Press and OH Pulls. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on glue.

    “White & Nerdy”: Side Lunges and Curls

    “Fat”: Sumo squats (thanks Seymore for showing us the right form) and Burpees during the Chorus

    “Community Property”: Steel Panther: Triceps and Cleans. Nothing clean about this romantic song. “You’re the only girl that I like to screw when I’m not on the road”.

    “Headline News”: Some stretching to this parody of “Mmmmmm, mmmmmmm”. Cut it off before we got to the verse about the old news story about cutting it off. “And then, there was this guy who, made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner, and when he finally came to, he found little Mr. Happy was missing, he couldn’t quite explain it, It’d always just beeeeen theeeeeeere, mmmmmmmm, mmmmmm”

    Announcement, Prayers and the best coffee in Richmond.

    Until next time,

    Weird Al Whitesnakovic

  • Wet and Wild Spring Break

    Three couples went to the fabulous Short Pump for Spring Break this year. Lighthouse lifted his shirt with glee when the theme was announced (true story). Like at a lot of island resorts, we had to start where it smelled like piss and the picnic tables are chained to the ground (the dog park pavilion). In addition to the running warmup to get there, we did some warmups of IW, DQ then transitioned to merkins. One of the wives complained about the ground being disgusting so after the merkins we continued our trip in paradise at the Water Park! The family hooted with glee. At the water park, we did some ab warmups of flutters and lbcs and then were ready for a threesome check.

    The timer chased their kids around the loop while the other two did HRM and Squats. After 3 rounds, we were all sweaty and tired and decided to hit the sand! We also wanted to see some baseball this spring break so we did both. After moseying to the baseball field, the timer did ten burpees at home then relieved the WWII folks on first, who relieved the Heals to Heaven people on second who relieved the reverse crunch people on 3rd, who then went home to do ten burpees (and so on). We went around once and the sun and sand made us hungry.

    We ran across Pump to find all the food choices at this resort: Mexican, chicken, a nice bar, it has it all! Feeling like something extra nice, we went to Tazza and did 7’s of Burpees and Jump Squats. We then ran home and talked about butt stuff.

    It was a great Spring Break and no matter what you hear from other Spring Breakers, this was the best!

    Lunch next Tuesday back at Firehouse Subs (Ed’s place), noon.

    Thanks from Salt Lick for welcoming him to F3 Richmond.

    Prayers for Roger Roger, Fireman Ed and Fudd’s sister Mary.

    Talk to your travel agent about the Short Pump resort experience. Five Stars!

  • My log-in works!

    After a few months away, I am back on the Q circuit. My Garmin app is still calling me “unproductive” but hopefully not for long.

    On a warm Monday morning, seven West End warriors came to the Deep and patiently dealt with my bad ideas. We started with a mosey past the bus pickup and to the back of the school. We stopped at the loading dock area where is it is a nice slanted bumpy concrete and rocky slab-first bad idea. Perfect for warmups. We did some SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, DQs, Helicopters got on our six for some LBCs and Flutters. With Spring Break I thought we had the place to ourselves and then the car lights started getting closer and our warmups were over.

    We moseyed to the blacktop and did 4 corners together: 10 HRM, Bear crawl, 20 Jump Squats, Run, 30 two count Hammers, Bear crawl, 40 SSH, run to the start. After making sure the Pax knew the 4 exercises we challenged our minds with what I am calling 4 corner 40. Bad Idea #2–using math. Pick any of the four exercises that add up to 40 and go the appropriate corner(s) then come back to the start. We then did 50 and then I realized some people were just picking any count they wanted of each exercise. After mansplaining that the count had to be the same as the beginning (10HRM in corner 1, 20 Jump Squats in corner 2, etc) we redid 50 and then did 60,70,80,90 and then did the initial route again with the bear crawls for 100. Total of 640 of some choose your own adventure combination of HRM, Jump Squats, Hammers and SSH.

    Next bad idea: from the edge of the blacktop near the school, crab walk forward down the hill. “Impossible” they say. All seven did it fine, no one fell; should be the only way down the hill from now on.

    Bad idea #4: Mosey to the big hill and run up and all the way to sidewalk for 20 WW2, run back down. Do this 3 times.

    Last bad idea: Mosey to the flag and test our coordination. Circle up and do Copperhead Squats but don’t start until after the person next to you starts. A Copperhead Squat wave started and after going around twice I had to stop it. It was bad. Then we tried going the other direction and it looked good for about 2 seconds and then it crashed and burned. Had more time for the flutters and heals to heaven and it was time.

    Attila took us out with prayers for Roger Roger and his family, Fireman Ed and all Pax needing prayers.

    Happy to be back out and looking forward to being “productive”

  • You almost killed Pigskin!

    It was cold rainy day in March and Johnsonville had the Q. Gomer made some early comment about not using any cover and Johnsonville complied. There was running and exercising around the pickleball courts and lots of work in puddles. This Q became legendary because Pigskin quit early thinking he was going to die if he continued. They were so cold that Johnsonville forgot to post the backblast. “Stupid” is what is referenced when looking back on this Q. Remember, as Mr. Garrison said, “there are no stupid answers, just stupid people”.

  • Heartbreak Ridge: Wrapped

    Heartbreak Ridge: Wrapped

    2024 was another great year at Heartbreak and for the final Q, we reviewed some of our greatest hits. And if the Pax guessed the Q for each routine, the Q did 5 burpees (and they never guessed wrong).

    We started with a warmup of SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, Dead man’s hang, Cherry Pickers, Flutters, Handshake Scorpion Kicks, Half Pencil Roll, Honeydo Scorpion Kicks & HRM.

    Then we hit the bus loop and did 3 squats at each pole. This was a Senor Frog special and with him not attending, no burpees were assigned.

    We hit the back lot and partnered up for some wheelbarrows and derkins (3X). Honeydo was the Q and was correctly guessed by the Pax and so he did 5 burpees in honor of his Q and the rest did SSH.

    We were next to the bleachers so did a Lindsey of Step-ups and Dips. The Pax correctly identified this as an Attila favorite and he did 5 burpees as the rest did SSH.

    After a mosey to the wall, we did a triple check of people’s chair with overhead press, LBCs and the runner going to the far right pole and weaving their way to the far left pole, then the same from the left for the second run and for the final run, going straight ahead and then choosing left or right. Handshake started by saying this was his and so he did 5 burpees at the end while we did SSH.

    Mosey to the railing and it was time for a Pigskin favorite. 7’s with the railings in the middle: go over the railings one way and under the other. The exercises were HRM and WW2. Pigskin did his 5 burpees and we all did SSH.

    Time was running out so we went back to the flag. Those that did not have an exercise called or did not Q today (Gomer, Lighthouse, Offshore, Blue Moon), did not Q enough at Heartbreak in 2024 and so did ten burpees while the rest of us did SSH. Then the 5 of us with multiple Q’s in 2024 (Handshake, Attila, Pigskin, Honeydo and me) did 5 burpees to catch up. We all finished with SSH until time.

    Announcement: 1/1/25 Convergence at Dogpile/WDog

    Prayers: Thanks for 2024 for blessings in 2025 and raising up Fudd’s sister Mary, Fireman Ed and Roger Roger’s family.

    Coffeeteria at Starbucks. Attila did not attend because he had to take a shit and the rest of us, joined by Hutton, talked about taking a shit.

    Pigskin left us with the “see you next year” dad joke. Of course he did.

  • Bear Crawl to nowhere

    Four fan favorites braved the cold and went Deep. We started with a bus loop warmup and then circled up for some SSH, IW, Ukrainian Soldiers, Flutters, H2H, Merkins and Helicopters.

    We then crossed the street and went into Greengate down Vinery Ave. We did consolidated 7’s at every section of row houses. Started with 6 two count shoulder taps and one merkin and then 5/2,etc.

    At the end of the street we partnered up and one partner ran around the block and the other did flutters, then squats and then HRM .

    It was now time to get Deep. We moseyed a bit down the street until we came to a sign warning us about a steep decline. We ventured down the paved path until it flattened out and I gave instructions: Ukrainian Soldier walks until we get to the bridge, bear crawl on the bridge and then lunge walk after the bridge.

    Into the dark we went, and this is where we found out the bridge went on FOREVER! So after too many bear crawls, I called an audible and we lunged. At some point the bridge ended and we moseyed a bit and then turned around. On the way back we did more Soldiers and then bunny hopped up to the bridge and ran on the bridge back to the start of the path. We then bear crawled up the steep decline.

    We reversed the same 7’s on the way back and then had time to hit the hairy Nuckol. There we did balls to the ball toe taps and then Australian mountain climbers with runs up the hill in between with 5 burpees at the top.

    We then moseyed back to the cars and did some Mary until time.

    No announcements and I took us out in prayer.

    Mr. Rogers and I enjoyed some coffee and company afterwards. We had the Starbucks all to ourselves.

  • Where is my Gypsy?

    With your feet on the air and your head on the ground
    Try this trick and spin it, yeah
    Your head will collapse, if there’s nothing in it
    And you’ll ask yourself

    Where is my Gypsy?
    Where is my Gypsy?
    Where is my Gypsy?

    But Lighthouse was there, and we ran 3.4 miles pre Gridiron. And Gypsy showed up at coffee/eggnog to answer our question.

  • A Festivus Miracle!

    A Festivus Miracle!

    A record 17 for the regular Thursday Circus Maximus AO including Tippecanoe!

    The story of Festivus: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my daughter. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. What happened to the doll? It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us.

    Before I went over the 5 key to Festivus, we did some warmups in honor of my favorite Seinfeld episode that featured opposite George. Because if every instinct I have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right. We did some reverse arm circles (10 big then 5 small), then some forward, then we put our arms all the way up and our legs together to start some opposite SSH. Some gravitated to normal SSH, White Deer did his normal weird ones and Chum was just lost. I think it broke him. We also did some other warmups including Ukrainian Soldiers, Flutters and Merkins.

    We reviewed as a group the 5 principles of Festivus. 1) There is an aluminum pole with no decorations (I find tinsel distracting). The pole was proudly displayed on the sidewalk. It’s made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio. 2) It begins with the airing of grievances 3) Their is a meal 4) It ends with the Feats of Strength and 5) Be on the lookout for a Festivus miracle(s).

    The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with some exercises and now you’re gonna hear about it. We went around the circle and announced what exercise we had a problem with and then we all did 20 of such exercise. The Pax had problems with Sit and Presses (twice), Squats (twice), Pulse Squats, Burpees (10 reps, not 20), Swings, A lap around the bus loop, Waiter carry, Clean & Press, Russian Twists, Lawnmower pulls, Halos, Pull throughs (twice in a row, thanks Mr. Rogers), One legged deadlifts and a few others. 280 reps, 10 burpees, one lap and a waiter carry for a long walk and the grievances were complete.

    We had a little time for the Contest. The first contest was for me to explain the game Odds and Evens. Some Pax never heard of it, some knew but pretended not to understand just to hear me explain it poorly thrice times and others did not care. You should’ve seen the look on Handshake’s face! It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist. We then partnered up, played odds and evens (2 out of 3) and the winner did curls while the loser ran to the end of the lot and did 5 burpees. We did three rounds. The Pax was angry after that, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

    All right, everyone. It’s time for the Festivus feats of strength. Each member would duck walk with hands behind our back and try to knock over each Pax. Using your hands is illegal and you must stay inbounds. Last man “standing” wins. Let’s rumble!! Some opted out and then chaos and cheating ensued. Fudd was the last duck standing and is the 2024 champ. I am making a donation to the Human Fund on Fudd’s behalf! Chum, getting dumped on his face during the feats of strength, ended up crying.

    We then circled up for some Mary. We did Presses, LBCs & Flutters with the Bell.

    After circling up for prayer, we had coffee and for the Festivus meal I brought some black & white cookies (see, the key to eating a black-and-white cookie is you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow, racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie… all our problems would be solved) and chocolate eclairs that were from the top of the trash, above the rim, on a magazine and still had the dolly on!

    Chum, whether still confused by the SSH or from taking the biggest fall, was not feeling well:

    Chum: I don’t feel so good.
    Pax: What’s wrong?
    Chum: My stomach. I think it was that cookie.
    Gypsy: The black-and-white?
    Chum: Yeah.
    Gomer: Not getting along?
    Chum: I think I got David Duke and Farrakhan down there.
    Seymore: Well, if we can’t look to the cookie, where can we look?
    Chum: Oh, my stomach! I feel like I’m gonna throw up!
    White Deer: Wait. What about your vomit streak?
    Chum: I know! I haven’t thrown up since June 29, 1980!

    Another Festivus in the books. Until next year when I am allowed to use the word “Annual”…

  • Soft and Wet

    We ran a little over 3 miles including a quarter pounder with merkins, plank jacks, mountain climbers and SSH, two rounds of partner bus loop runs with HRM and three hundred yard sprints. We left our mark on the Short Pump Elementary football field.