Author: Whitesnake

  • Grab my balls

    On beautiful Saturday morning, twelve gentleman went to Gridiron, had some fun, and left without any new injuries. That is a successful morning.

    We started with some warmups in the new fancy parking lot then moseyed to the covered bus loop for some smokers and a timer of burpees (5). Ended up with way too many smokers.

    Hit the basketball court for a couple rounds of four corners. First round was 25 HRM, Jump Squats, Hammers and Plank Jacks. Second round of 25 Merkins, WWIIs, Mountain Climbers and finished with 53 SSH.

    All of this was just to get us near the Tennis Courts. After we moseyed around the courts a bit, I took out my balls and we played Dodgeball.

    Basic dodgeball rules except when you are hit or your ball is caught, you have to run to the other end and do 3 burpees before returning. If a team ends up with no one in the court, that team loses. We eventually changed it to a 5 burpee penalty and at the end, moved to if you are out you are out. Each team got one win. Highlights included Attila with a one handed catch of a ball that previously hit a teammate and Piglet with a winning catch of the same. Those young kids get all the glory. Everyone helped grab my balls at the end and then we moseyed back to the start for some stretching & burpees.

    Prayers for Fireman Ed and Fudd’s sister Mary. Coffeteria at Starbucks afterwards was fun as always.

    My week of Q’s has ended. Someone else fill up that Q sheet for next week!

  • Was that Doozy?

    The assigned route was a familiar one running through senior lot to Hickoryridge then left onto Falconbridge, left onto Raintree, right to Ridgefield, left onto Cox, left onto Brookmont, right on Pump and then up to John Rolfe to Glen Eagles and then back home on Old Prescott. 4.7 miles total for those who did the entire thing. Some never left and did workouts around the school, some went back after Brookmont and maybe did an extra lap around the school, and then there is Doozy.

    He was not there when we started but we thought we passed him on Glen Eagles–we were not really sure. He was not there when we finished but his car was there so we knew he was around. And then he showed up during the COT. Credit to him for showing up when it sounds like he did not want to get out of bed and he pushed himself to come and do some walking.

    Prayers for Tanner, Molly, Fireman Ed, Mary, Gaudi’s wife and all the family members and health care workers involved to bring comfort and good health.

  • Gunter gleiben glauchen globen.

    Gunter gleiben glauchen globen.

    Another great rock show in the back lot of Godwin. Wig participation was 13 strong, although some only lasted a few minutes until the heat or bad tasting rat hair resulted in a change. I was able to grab a setlist from the stage and it included the following:

    Rock of Ages: Def Leppard. Warmups to this classic (where the backblast title comes from for you Boomers or 20/30 somethings).

    Youth Gone Wild: Skid Row. Not sure the song would work as well with “Middle Aged Men Gone Wild”. We finished warming up to this song. Included some Flutter Kicks where EF Hutton’s kilt caught some extra glances from Attila.

    TNT: AC/DC. Curls beginning with the “Oi!” and alternating with Lawn Mowers, taking a little break during the guitar solo.

    Talk Dirty To Me: Poison. ‘Cause, baby, we’ll be, At the Godwin, near the old man’s Ford, Doing High Pulls, ‘Til I’m screamin’ for more, then do Burpees, Lock the cellar door, And, baby Talk dirty to me

    Balls to the Wall: Accept. No Bell. Wall sits with air presses or Elaines and then Walls to the Ball toe taps during the Chorus. What came first, this song or Pigskin doing his first Balls to the Wall?

    Love in an elevator: Aerosmith. Teapots (single leg deadlift) and Squats (going down…)

    Drop Dead Legs: Van Halen. More leg work. Swings and Lunges.

    You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’: Judas Priest. Partner up, one does Bear Crawls and Bernie’s back while the other does presses. Did this two times each.

    House of Pain, Faster Pussycat. I’m not trying to fake it, And Whitesnake ain’t the one to blame, There’s Sit and Presses In my house of pain. I didn’t write these pages, And my script’s been rearranged, Rotate to Triceps, In my house of pain

    Heaven: Warrant. Circle back up. For this final song and power ballad, hold the bell in rifle carry as long as you can while we rotated through ten reps of favorite kettle bell exercise. Rushed through this at the end but got to hear all two key changes in this 1989 hit.

    Thanks for everyone who made it out today. Thirteen is great numbers for Circus. Come on back!

    Prayers for Fudd’s sister Mary, Roger Roger’s wife Molly, Faceplant’s wife, Fireman Ed and Gaudi’s family.

    Didn’t play any GnR until coffeteria but will end with this great quote from Axel:

    “I’m not God but if I were God, ¾ of you would be girls, and the rest would be pizza and beer.”

  • It only took ten years!

    On the eve of his ten year anniversary (according to Big Data), Attila (aka Groh) made his first appearance at WTH. Even Centrum Silver, our guest from Roanoke, was here for his second time!

    Attila and Pigskin went off in the dark to work on their grips while the rest of us went for a 3 mile run that included Short Pump park, some warmups and then a couple triple checks (Step Ups, Dips, Lap: Balls to the Wall, Incline Merkins, Reverse Lap). We then went back to the start and lapped the school to get to 3 miles. On the way, we found the kettlebell couple and gave them some monkey humpers in salute.

    Prayers for Fudd’s sister and family, Fireman Ed, Faceplant’s sister and Gaudi’s wife and family.

    Heavy Metal Kettle tomorrow! We can all look as cool as Mr. Rogers for one morning.

  • The Hoe’s of Westhoe

    This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

    Scene: Secret meeting of the wives and girlfriends

    Mrs. Handshake: Welcome to everyone.  I am excited to learn more about you and today’s workout.

    Mrs. Whitesnake: I wonder if Whitesnake had a good workout with Asswhipe and Bloodysnot?

    Ms. Hutton: Don’t forget Dipshit and Atomicwedgie. 

    Mrs. Lighthouse: Ha!  I also don’t think they know what a merkin is.

    Mrs. Offshore: I am just hoping they continue to keep their bromance to themselves.

    Ms. Bumble/Horneydo: Nice to meet you all. What are you talking about. And by the way, I’m exhausted after all those Fs.  So is Horneydo, that’s why he missed.

    Mrs. Whitesnake: I heard they had eight people. Is that as big as it gets?

    Mr. Attila: That’s what she said.

    Mrs. Whitesnake: Yes, I did.  How do I know if it is big?

    Senorita Frog: Ask Handshake’s Mom.

    Handshake’s Mom: No comment.

    Mrs. Handshake: He likes calling himself a Clydesdale but that’s far from the truth.

    Mrs. Offshore: Let’s focus on what they claim they did this morning.

    Mrs. Whitesnake: I am sure they started with some warmup of jumping jacks and situps but with dumb names so they think they are cool.

    Mrs. Pigskin: The only thing I ever hear at home is how my husband kicks all your guy’s butts.

    (everyone else nods their heads)

    Mrs. Whitesnake: Speaking of Pigskin, there is a football field there.  My guess is they ran up and down the field doing some sort of exercise.

    Mrs. Lighthouse: I did hear a complaint about a double quarter pounder?  Could that be an exercise or just the E Coli?

    Ms. Bumble: Did someone say something about being pounded?

    Mrs. Handshake: Ask your mom.

    Ms. Bumble: huh?

    Ms. Hutton: At some point, I think there will be a hill and burpees involved.  But only after Crustyshorts and Shart finish getting pounded.

    Mrs. Shart: What?

    Mrs. Handshake: I am guessing this is when Handshake starts complaining loudly.

    Mrs. Offshore:  Probably but its hard when you are sore

    Mrs. Attila: That’s what she said

    Scene.

    Prayers for Faceplant’s wife, Fireman Ed, Fudd’s sister and all their families and the medical staffs involved.

    Thanks for joining me during my birthday week.

  • Whitesnake’s Birthday Week Conversation

    Whitesnake’s Birthday Week Conversation

    Curt Autry: After a long summer, fall has hit Central Virginia, and soon it will be Halloween.  With it will come MILLIONS of fall time tourists. Here with some tips on what they should check out, is our Richmond correspondent — Whitesnake!  Whitesnake, what are some places folks should check out if they’re looking for a Fall outing?

    Whitesnake: If you are looking to fall for something on Monday, I know the place for you, The Deep. Opened in 1849 by Zebedee Fist, it has become super spooky.  It has scared away everyone who lives near the AO, all Southsiders and the Gypsies.  This Strange place has everything: darkness, trip hazards, the Hairy Nuckol, every normal person from Goochland, a group of Tomatoes who won’t give their names to Gomer and a haunted farmhouse.

    Curt Autry: maybe we should try to think a little more family-oriented, you know?

    Whitesnake: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yessssss! I know just the place for you. Richmond’s hottest club is [ deep-voiced ] Heartbreak Ridge! Hosted by Horneydo on Tuesday’s, this place has everything: stories about the one guy having sex, a worthless exercise whether we do it normal or reverse, and a lifetime supply of Jergens. And if that’s not enough, you can get surprised on the dance floor by Bi-swampy Seniors.

    Curt Autry: What’s a Bi-swampy Senior?

    Whitesnake: It’s that thing when Senior Frog either sprints out of the darkness to the start of the AO or sounds like he is dying.

    Curt Autry: Let’s get back on track. I think a lot of people are in the area for the leaves and they might be looking for something a little different.

    Whitesnake: Got it.  If leaving is what they want, the hottest club you never stay at is WaThoHuk!  Named for the hero Jim Thorpe, this Wednesday-only club has everything: an old man wandering around the school looking for dip, runners with no lights playing Frogger, an out of town guest who had no idea running is involved, and everyone’s hottest couple Benedict & Arnold.

    Curt Autry: I don’t know them, can you introduce me?

    Whitesnake: That is hard to do, as they only show up once every two months unannounced and run past the group in the middle of the workout.

    Curt Autry: I think the club you are describing might not be for everybody. What about this upcoming Thursday on Halloween, is there anything more friendly sounding?

    Whitesnake: Of course, if you are looking for a friendly place to stick that metal object you’ve been hiding in the house, Circus Maximus is the club for you. Discovered by a walking and talking wet fart, this hidden gem gives new meaning to the question: Should I murder Gomer for inviting me to F3? Featuring the 3rd Annual Heavy Metal Kettle this Halloween, this hotspot has matching merkins for your head or balls, every 80’s singer named Stephen or Steven, and Offshore’s hit song “Hot for Coffee”. And when you want to take a break from dancing, it has super tall benches that make you wish for a cigarette and someone small you can step on.

    Curt Autry: Whitesnake, I know Richmond has changed a lot but there’s gotta be a few upscale places for people to check out.

    Whitesnake:  If you are looking for an upscale place on Friday, the hottest morning club in town is Currahee! This place has everything: cul-de-sacs, roads that all look the same, a park that’s too dark to run, a triple enforced fence in case someone runs into it, and if you’re lucky, the stars from the hit movie “Lost Boys”!  Wait is that Kiefer Sutherland I see? Nope, but when Honeydo and I run together and get yelled at by some old lady, we pick a direction and don’t stop until we have run at least an hour.

    Curt Autry: I still don’t think we’ve found the right place for me, can you find us something on Saturday for Dads?

    Whitesnake: I got the perfect place for you–Gridiron!  Located in an abandoned softball complex, this was the original AO and finally answers the question: Do we have to? This place has everything: the constant noise of paddles hitting something sweaty, Attila’s big beast, shots of Scotch, Johnsonville making you drink out of a puddle, and some Saturday’s, Pigskin’s entire family.  While there is no bouncer, don’t mess with the gentle looking guy named Chum Bucket.

    Curt Autry:Now, I know that you have tried your best, Whitesnake, and I just want to thank you for sharing those Halloween and fall tips, buddy.  I hope to explore some of these with you.

    Whitensnake: Yey me!!

  • Tiktok Trend Setters

    With no White Deer or Pigskin, this group of nine young hipsters decided to create a new trend by focusing of what Gomer called “well sculpted butts”

    No one admitted to having Tiktok but the following workout is now super popular on Snapface:

    Start with warmups of SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, Copperhead Squats, Arm Circles, Helicopters, LBCs, 5 Burpees when the runner ignore our greeting and then Merkins.

    Then we moved to three sets of each the following eight kettlebell exercises: 10 Squats (first two sets holding rack position, 3rd sumo), 20 High Pulls, 10 Romanian Deadlifts, 20 Swings, 10 Clean + Press per side, 10 Renegade Rows per side, 10 steps up per leg and 20 dips (no bell). We also did a bus loop lap after finishing sets of two exercises (3 laps total).

    During these exercises, Attila posted on AssChat. He has no followers.

    We had 5 minutes of Mary left. Started with 5 more burpees. Then we did some Flutters holding up the bell, APDs, Bridge position presses, LBCs and ended with American Hammers with the bell.

    Announcements: Heavy Metal Kettle in two weeks! Also, Offshore is finalizing the Circus strategic plan (shirt order details coming soon!)

    Prayers for Fireman Ed and for Fudd’s sister Mary. Attila took us out.

    We then enjoyed coffee prepared by the always popular trending barista Offshore. Just don’t check his friends ranking on MySpace. You are not on it. Great to have Probation and Gomer join the crew. Probation spent most of the morning taking videos of his muscles while Gomer wished for tighter clothes. All of this would blow up on Tiktok if we posted but we decided not to mess with the Circus Maximus vibe. Plus we mostly don’t know what we are talking about. #Gomerlikestightbutts #plasticinmynutz #Attilasplatter #mot-dièse.

    Please Like & Subscribe!!

  • Eight Stirrups Deep

    Eight was enough this morning at the Deep. We ventured north to Green Gate and according to the lady in the mural, we did the following:

    Moseyed to the front of the first office building and circled up at the circle for some warmups of SSH, DQ, UW, Helicopters, arm circles, merkins and lbcs.

    Partnered up in the well lit parking lot for a mini-Dora of 50 merkins, 100 squats and 150 WWII. We then celebrated Indigenous Peoples Day with a run weaving around the parking lot until we caught up with Gomer at the unlit Stranges lot.

    We then did a Strange parking lot routine of bear crawling 2 spaces and then 5 merkins and repeated 5-6 times.
    Now find a new partner to mix running to the front entrance and back with misc exercises to help us focus on the stars and this beautiful morning: heals to heaven, American hammers, reverse crunches, lbcs and the holding your feet 6 inches (3x Attila’s junk) off the ground.
    We then did another tribute to Indigenous People with a run to the end of the lot with the man in the back doing 2 burpees before catching up. That did not work so well as we got to the end and three of us had to do burpees to catch up.

    Crossing the street we took a visit to the Women’s Center. We started with the low stirrups and did Hello Dollies in cadence and then got into the high stirrups with Rosalitas in cadence. After Gomer shouted “what are you putting up there!”, we got up, faced the road and did 20 Monkey Humpers OYO. Probably best to avoid this lot for a couple weeks…

    We headed back to the school and did 11s on the hill (aka the Hairy Nuckol) of HRMs and Heals to Heaven. Went a minute over but got a nice tour in and never lost Gomer.

    Prayers for Fudd’s sister and family and for Fireman Ed.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

    And I’ve made up my mind
    I ain’t wasting no more time

  • I used to jog…

    Three of the best that F3 has to offer came out to Kindred Spirit Satellite to watch Richmond’s newest sensations, Left of July and Here Comes Your Band. They each brought family and seemed to enjoy themselves. Polly also auditioned as roadie (your hired!).

    And while I realize this was not really at the Rock and Roll AO, rock and roll has no rules!

    “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”

    Dave Lee Roth of Van Halen – 1979

  • Raintree Lake and a Joke

    A rabbi and a priest went for a walk in the park, and strolled by a large lake. Suddenly the rabbi said: “Let’s go in and do some ‘baptism’, the water looks really clear!” “But we don’t have swimsuits” the priest told him. “So what?” replied the rabbi, “Let’s go into the water as God created us.” The priest thought for a moment and then agreed with him. They took off their clothes, laid them on a piece of grass at the edge of the lake and went in for a short dip. After a few minutes they left the lake and walked back towards the place where they had put the clothes. Suddenly the two noticed a small group of people staring right at them. Embarrassed, the priest tried to cover his shame with his hands. He looked to the side and discovered that the rabbi was covering his face with his hands. “What are you doing?!?” hissed the priest, “cover your privates!” “I don’t know how it goes in YOUR congregation.” Said the Rabbi, “but my people recognize me by my face!”

    Seven us ran to the same lake and found a way back to the flag with our clothes on. Total of 4.9 miles was the long route. Blue Moon did the Pigskin Special, without Pigskin = laps around the school with merkins and dips each lap.

    Half us met at Dunkin’ after.

    We all know about lunch on Tuesday at Firehouse Subs in Innsbrook. And everyone can’t wait to see my band on 10/12 from 6-9PM at the Kindred Spirit Satellite near the Diamond.

    I am still working on a catchphrase to close my backblasts. Maybe something from, “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! Everybody strap in! I’m about to open some fuckin’ windows.” or from Beavis: “Butt-head, this book kicks! There’s a talking snake, and a naked chick, and the this dude puts a leaf on his schlong.” I think the winner may be “Take your filthy hands off my asp”.