One PAX posted for this morning’s rendition of Heaven’s Gate. For what? Heaven’s Gate. YHC had never heard of it either…here’s how it went down.
06:59:59 DST (DaVille Standard Time) and there are only empty, scattered cars in the Chicahominy Middle School parking lot. Looking like a solo…
07:00 YHC decides to Q.
07:01 Mosey to track. (YHC did not wear a watch, so this is the last time YHC was able to verify).
Full circle of the track and then hold up at the bleachers for COP.
COP
SSHs x 100 (4 count)
Calf stretches, torso stretches
IW’s x 20
Arm Circles…wait for it…5 big, then 10 small (see what YHC did there?), then 10 helicopters…then reverso, but also reverse the order. Sunday’s are no gimmee at Heaven’s Gate. Anything can happen.
LBC’s x 40
T – Mercans x 20 (see NMS)
Track Laps
Full circle of track, followed by 40 (or more) of an exercise
Squats
Reverse crunches (50x)
LBC’s (first round 40, second round 50)
Traditional Mercans
Repeato x2
Run
Lap around the Hanover Public Schools Metroplex.
COT
(Prior to talking to oneself, make sure no one’s watching and make the COT fast)
Number-rama, Name-a-rama, Announcements, YHC took himself out.
NMS
Before YHC launches into today’s diatribe, a note on the T-Mercans. The US Army is testing a new Physical Fitness Test. The Army is changing the definition of a push-up. Going forward, they will measure T-Mercans…essentially, a Hand Release Mercan in which the arms are extended fully right/left from the torso while the torso is flat on the ground. YHC found these to be The Real Deal. #20wasPlenty
On to the Main Event…As many of the Nation are aware, YHC is on a quest to visit every AO this year (27 on the Website Plus Puppy Pile makes 28 in total). YHC had visited 23 as of 06:59 a.m. DST today…24 as of now.
Several PAX have asked YHC, “Which one has been the favorite?” YHC has no clear favorite, mostly because each Workout is a combination of the Q, the PAX, the weather, and the AO (and whether Wilson has had salmon and merlot for dinner the night before). This has, however, raised the age-old philosophical question…when is an AO actually an AO? Or, when is a Workout a Workout?
Simple Examples:
45MOM…happens every week, outdoors, rain or shine, free, open to all men, peer led, ends with a COT. Boom! It’s an AO. It’s a Workout. Bonus…there’s a backblast, mumblechatter, announcements, it’s on the Q-sheet, and the regulars start to learn what’s in store while the PAX moseys from one area to the next. There also gradually develops an aura…”Remember that time when (fill-in-the-blank) Q’d? My (fill-in-the-blank) hurt for (fill-in-the-blank number of) days afterwards.”
Dogpile, W-Dog, NoToll, SOT, DaVille, and lots others all fall into this definition. The PAX know It when they see It.
Permutations:
Sunday Funday…all of the above. Curveball: While rarely is there an actual name signed-up on the Q sheet, someone has, in their heart, prepared to Q. So what if there’s the occasional Sheila who posts and busts the all-men thing. Good for the PAX, good for The Sheilas, and it’s Sunday. Family Day. Bring a friend, bring the 2.0s, bring an M, and YHC has even witnessed bringing a Friend’s M. Unwritten F3 Rule…There’s no place outside for a list of dumb rules, no just don’t have dumb rules at all. Boom! It’s an AO. It’s a Workout.
Off the Books…now, THIS is how to do the Occasional, Fair Weather AO. The Locals Know about It. The Locals Talk about It. It’s like the local’s favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The Locals Don’t Advertise It, because they don’t want Outsiders to ruin It. Yet, It happens. It’s outside, it’s rain or shine, it’s open to all men, it’s free, it’s peer led, and it (usually) has a COT(Note: It is Saturday night, beer consumption dependent). And, if it were on the Q-sheet, the Locals would Be Expected to keep it going each week. But, the Locals know Themselves, and They Know that It might not happen, so it’s Off the Books. Boom! It’s an AO. (And, after a few months of being a Run, It has graduated to being on the Website and the Map…from Baby AO to Adolescent AO).
RAMM Gears…this is the ultimate AO…if the PAX can ride on two wheels from the Starting Point to Some Farthest Point and return within 45 minutes, it’s part of the AO. Downtown? Check. U of R? Check. Northside? Check. Petersburg? If the PAX can ride It within 45 minutes, it’s part of the AO. Does this have a Q? Usually, no. But, it does have No Tools, Default Q Extraordinaire, with a weekly EH of the PAX that turns into HC’s for the next morning. Boom! It’s an AO. Bonus…it’s on the Q-sheet, it might appear in a backblast (more of a Cameo, usually), and there is mumblechatter (“Doh!” – Anyone hurt? Nope, that’s just Clavin hitting a bump and re-breaking his already-broken ribs).
This brings YHC to Heaven’s Gate, and YHC’s effort to visit every AO. 27 AO’s are on the Website and the Map. 28 workouts have a name, counting Puppy Pile. But, how many Workouts happen each week? Heaven’s Gate is not on the Q-sheet. Prior to today, there were precisely zero back blasts tagged “Heaven’s Gate,” perhaps because It’s not on the Tag List. It does appear on the Website, and It does appear on the Map. Yet, where It matters most, Heaven’s Gate finishes last on YHC’s list of Favorites…no PAX.
(Side Note: YHC showed up at ET’s today. Not less than 9 PAX came and went…YHC guesses 3 had heard of this AO, but 2 believed It was an Inside Joke. One noted YHC’s workout attire, including F3 logo apparel, and declared YHC the “Ultimate Starsky” before learning of Heaven’s Gate.)
(Side Note #2: YHC, in his full, Super Type A, competitive state, wishes to thank the PAX for this moniker…YHC is thrilled to be The Ultimate at Something / Anything. But, YHC must decline as it was, for today, anyway, an Actual AO, and YHC did an Actual Workout.)
(Side Note #3: One big upside of this AO…Heaven’s Gate does sport the “Fields Closed” sign, so The Campos would be proud.)
(Side Note #4: YHC saw Swirly and his M leaving ET’s today. YHC mentioned “Heaven’s Gate,” and The Look on Swirly’s face said, “Never heard of it.” If It happens, or It doesn’t happen, in F3RVA, and Swirly does not appear, at first glance, to know about It, YHC posits that It hasn’t actually happened.)
(Side Note #5: YHC has visited 24 AO’s this year plus Charlottesville. 4 to go…Chain Ring, The Creek, Timberwolf and Green Acres. Several PAX warned YHC this morning about Green Acres…darkness, skunks, and loneliness (no PAX)…Yeah, Green Acres. YHC is calling you out. YHC is coming for you. Many PAX is a Workout / AO. One PAX? That’s just Trespassing after Dark. Fields Closed. Don’t leave a Brother out there by himself.)
As a result of the aforementioned conditions, F3RVA has now implemented the “Flag of Qing in Perpetuity.” Official Rules:
1. First time a PAX member posts to an AO.
2. That PAX member signs up to Q.
3. No other PAX member’s post.
4. The PAX member Q’s the full workout, solo.
When the above occurs, that PAX member has earned the “right of return” to take the Q at that AO in perpetuity or close the AO. In this case, YHC closes the AO. Let’s hope there is no next time at another AO.
UpChuck spits the bit.
