Author: Splinter

  • The Simpsons

    Fourteen reruns and 1 brand new episode (FNG) descended on Mary today for a Splinter led themed beatdown.  After a short mosey halfway around the track we circled up for some fun that went something like this:

    COP
    The Homer – 15x modified helicopters, reaching around Homer’s spare tire at mid-waist
    The Marge – 10x jump squats, trying to touch the top of Marge’s hair
    The Lisa – Lisa likes perfection so we followed along with Saab and did 15 or so Don Quixotes
    The Bart – On your six, with a marker between your toes, flutter kicks pretending like you are drawing Bart’s haircut.  20 or so of those
    The Maggie – Maggie does nothing but make a sucking noise.  Burpees suck so we did 10 of them OYO.

    The Thang
    Short mosey over to the long edge of the tennis courts for a little Simpson’s trivia.  What is Homer Simpson’s job?  Someone quickly replied Safety Inspector for Sector 7G.  YHC decided to go nuclear on the next exercise.  Bear Crawl 1-2-3.  Partner up where one partner bear crawls to the net and back while the other performs exercises.  100 merkins, 200 LBCs, 300 squats.  Plankorama when done.

    Circle up for the next section of trivia.  According to Homer, what is the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems?  Two Can sort of guessed it with beer, but alas it is alcohol.  In F3 the cause and solution are burpees.  So we did 10 minutes of them.

    Quick jaunt over to the wall for triple check with a brief explanation that one of YHCs favorite episodes is Homer at the Bat.  Baseball, triple, get it?  Explanation cut short and focused on triple check: donkey kicks, plank, karaoke.

    Speed round lap of catch me if you can with 1 partner running backwards while the other completes 10 merkins and then runs forward to catch up.  One lap then Al Gore for the six.

    Mosey back to the flag for numbers, names and YHC took us out.

    Moleskin
    YHC hasn’t done a themed workout in a while, well, if you exclude March Madness.  Looking at the calendar YHC was reminded of the introduction of The Simpsons on April 19, 1987 on the Tracy Ullman Show.  Seems like a fitting tribute.

    Homer at the Bat is arguable one of the top 5 Simpsons episodes of all time and one of YHCs favorites.  Homer leads a team of misfits through an undefeated season in the corporate softball league with his “Wonder Bat”.  In the championship game, naturally against the Shelbyville nuclear power plant team, Mr. Burns decides he is going to hire a bunch of professional baseball players in made up jobs at the plant so he can cement his win.  Through a series of very comical errors and misfortunes all of the professional players are injured or cannot play thus leaving the original team.  All with the exception of 1.  Darryl Strawberry can play so Homer sits out.  I won’t ruin it for anyone that wants to watch the end.  If you need the DVD just let me know.   Baseball led me to the triple check, thus the long winded story.

    Catch em if you Can is another great but somewhat obscure Simpsons episode.  Homer and Marge trick their kids into staying home on a vacation instead of visiting family out of town.  Instead, Homer and Marge decide to hit up Miami Beach, AC and other venues.  Bart and Lisa find out and decide to chase them around the US.  The perfect satire of the typical American family.  Our tribute to this was catch me if you can.

    YHC had a few other references planned but somewhat glad we didn’t get to them as I cherry picked the things that I really wanted to do.

    Anyway, hope the PAX enjoyed the trip down memory lane.  Kudos to whomever it was that pulled the Sector 7G reference.  A true fan!

    Splinter out

  • The Night We Saw Them All

    A PAX eclipsing 40 ditched all common sense for about 18 hours to receive a plentiful helping of each of the three Fs.  This was the F3RVA Century Classic.

    YHC has conversed with a number of individual PAX members about their experience, taking notes during the event and thinking about how to transcribe all of these memories into a backblast.  There is no way YHC could do the stories justice by attempting to capture them for the collective PAX.  Then, after chatting with Lockjaw and the (sober) Ronnie, it became clear.  Treat the backblast as a living backblast.  YHC will make no attempt to capture the essence of this workout, only setting the stage for each and every PAX member to capture it for himself.

    My memories are collected below.  I encourage everyone to add to this list by commenting with your favorite memory.

    Leg 1:  Trying to contain my energy for the CSAUP while stuck in traffic for opening night of the squirrels game
    Leg 2:  Praying for Saab on Meadowbridge and Atlee Rd.  Kudos to all that ran that leg, a true game of frogger
    Leg 3:  All the Mechanicsville PAX member who were not running, companion running with the actual runners.  Kudos!
    Leg 4:  The Creek parking lot is great for fellowship.  This truly felt like a tailgate parking lot.  The energy, games and conversation were all electric.
    Leg 5:  The headlamp on my run reflecting all the pollen flying through the air with me initially thinking it was raining.  30 minutes later realizing all that pollen was being sucked into my lungs at an incredible rate.
    Leg 6:  Hearing of TYA and Swirly questioning if YHC actually marked his legs of the course and me telling them where they can shove it.
    Leg 7:  Realizing how peaceful and quiet the city can be when when you are in it and surrounded by trees.  The new moon highlighted the stars and all their brilliance.
    Leg 8:  Showing up to Hoedown and having Ronnie greet us after his enjoyable evening.
    Leg 9:  Marv almost taking out another animal with his running shoes.
    Leg 10:  Thinking about how comfortable it is to try to sleep on the top of a picnic table.
    Leg 11:  Watching the back and forth between Saab complaining about not being able to sleep and Upchuck for waking him up.
    Leg 12:  Waving to the UR security guard while sitting in a white van with 4 men laying on the ground.  He waved and continued by.
    Leg 13:  Marv learning that Fudd was going to show up only for leg 18 and would still get a tshirt.
    Leg 14:  Seeing Lockjaw drive 20 in a 45 on Charter Colony so he could stay between the lines.
    Leg 15:  Reminding Marv that Fudd was still sleeping.
    Leg 16:  Hearing of a certain individual’s multiple escapades to the bathroom at a singular Wawa.
    Leg 17:  Making the van take a 3 mile detour to Wawa so YHC could get a breakfast hoagie, thus missing the final hand-off.
    Leg 18:  Pulling into Dogpile, realizing it was almost over and thinking the whole experience was too fast.

    This humble correspondent would like to thank everyone involved with making this event successful, especially those listed in the QIC list.  Without it, this would have been a completely stupid and utterly failure of an event.

    Splinter out.

  • Countryside Lollipop

    Eleven intrepid runners tried something new today, heading west into uncharted territory.  Pretty straightforward instructions today:

    The Route
    Head west around the lake, through the trail and up University.  Cross Forest, quick jog to the right on Ralston and continue on University.  When University takes a hard right don’t turn, instead go straight into someone’s driveway, continuing along the path and through the park to get dumped out on Roslyn Hills.  Right on Roslyn Hills.  4 milers go to the top of the hill and return the way you came.  5 milers take a left on September, which turns into Countryside, left on Ruggles, Left on Roslyn Hills then right into the park and back home.  6 milers did some mother goosing to make sure instructions were clear.

    Circle up to listen to the geese, ducks and seals where YHC took us out.

    Moleskin
    The PAX was excited to try something new today, and YHC was happy to oblige.  There were many raised eyebrows and questions when the instructions came to “continue down someone’s driveway”.  For those in the know, it’s a common cut through to the park.

    There were also many suppositions regarding the street name Ruggles.  After some Internet research, YHC determined the joke was really around The Rutles, which was a Beatles parody band.  Still never heard of them.

    Always fun catching up with Saab on a run.  Great work everyone, will bring this one back out when our natural light illuminates the path a little more.  Lab Rat managed to not get lost, which makes for a successful rote.

    Post COT chatter centered around appropriate and questionable usage of activated charcoal, frequency of Chipotle visits, and Lab Rat congratulating EF Hutton (virtually) on his championship in the F3 bracket.

    Enjoy the day.  Splinter out.

  • 1139

    code

    Nine steely eyed quants convened in the cool air this morning for a big data birthday celebration of sorts.  Mosey over to the church parking lot for a quick disclaimer and then COP.  We never left.

    COP
    SSH – x50
    Helicopters – x13
    Russian Soldiers – x13
    Knee Pulls – x13
    LBCx – x50

    The Thang
    Prisoner cell workout.  Everyone grab a parking spot and don’t leave until we complete 1000 exercises.  25 of each of the following exercises, some were in cadence, some OYO.  Repeat the entire sequence for a total of 2 times through.

    1-100 and 501-600
    Star Jacks
    Merkins
    Squats
    WWII

    101-200 and 601-700
    Imperial Walkers (4 count)
    Dips
    Box Jumps
    Flutter Kicks (2 count)

    201-300 and 701-800
    Mountain Climbers (4 count)
    Werkins
    Calf Raises
    Pole Smokers

    301-400 and 801-900
    Hillbillies (4 count)
    Windshield Wipers (4 count)
    Lunges (2 count)
    American Hammer (2 count)

    401-500 and 901-1000
    Tuck Jumps
    Diamond Merkins
    Jump Squats
    Reverse Crunches

    Mosey back to the flag 90 seconds late where YHC took us out.

    Moleskin
    YHC almost forgot he signed up to Q until checking the sign-up sheet just prior to bed.  A few weeks ago YHC had plans for a tribute to all sorts of data as on 3/19/2017 the machine started collecting workout stats on it’s own.  All YHC was able to muster on short notice was a quick tally of 1139.  That is how many workouts have occurred in the RVA region in the last year.  Kind of a mind boggling number when you look at it.  As a tribute, the hoes today did 1139 exercises.  Apologies to the PAX for bringing us in a little late.

    There were definitely some arbitrary exercises in there that were needed to catch our breath from some of the more difficult ones, including the Star Jumps, Windshield Wipers and Tuck Jumps.  The mountain climbers followed by werkins were no joke either.  A real diabolical Q could have turned this into a bloodbath.

    Enjoy the day fellas.  Thanks for tolerating another Splinter Q.

    Announcements
    Honeydo is recruiting for his CSAUP team.  Still time to taper.

    Splinter out.

  • Mary has the Fartleks

    Fifteen noble steeds collected under the clear, starlit skies for a non-Lockjaw edition of RAMM.  Today was a day to work on speed and the Q offered two choices depending on your willingness to participate.

    The Route
    Very straightforward, no questions were asked at all.  North on Commonwealth, right on Monument.  Turn around and come home.

    The Thang
    Option 1 – The goal was a negative split.  Run out 23 minutes, turn around and get back to the start in 22 minutes.  The intent is to go out at a normal pace then try to pick it up on the return.  Negative splits are a good goal during any run/race as you get faster throughout the run, rather than slowing down towards the end.

    Option 2 – Ten 1-minute pickups, a.k.a. the Fartlek.  Run out at a casual pace for a 15 minute warm up.  Then pick up the pace for 1 minute, followed by a 30 second recovery.  The pickup pace should be around a 5k time, i.e. run much faster than your normal Friday morning pace.  Repeat for a total of 10 iterations, turning around after the 5th to work your way back to the flag.  15 minute cool down on the way back to the flag.

    Numberama, names, YHC took us out.

    Moleskin
    YHC is a fan of trying things that are different.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.  The variability is one of the reasons why F3 is so great.

    The Fartlek is a great strategy to mix into your running routine to get some variability in running, otherwise it can become quite mundane.  If you didn’t try the Fartlek today I encourage you to consider it next time around.  Remember, it’s not always about the length.

    YHC particularly enjoyed the hoops conversation this morning, especially the foray into machine learning algorithms used to predict the outcome of each game.  Sounds like another opportunity for a human to beat a machine.  Viva Kasparov vs Deep Blue!

    Splinter out

  • 3rd Annual Mid-March Tradition

    Eighteen upperclassmen including 1 FNG strolled onto the Mary Munford campus this morning, some veterans of today’s escapades while others were unsuspecting.  YHC received a few strange looks when he emerged from his vehicle.  Yep, March Madness baby!  Tip-off was promptly at 0530.

    Mosey, single file to the basketball courts for disclaimer then COP:

    COP
    Invisible Layups (4 left hand and 3 right hand)
    Invisible Jump Rope (x20)
    High Knees (x20)
    Butt Kickers (x20)
    Defensive Slides (x10)
    Floor Slaps (x10)

    The Thang
    Stay on the basketball courts for a gasser of Lindsay’s.  Jump Squats & Merkins.  30/10, 25/15, 20/20, 15/25, 10/30.

    Line up on the end line for line drill then first round of 1-1s with Lab Rat and TYA firing away.  Miss the front-end of a 1-1 then the PAX does 10 burpees.  We did this twice and never found out what we would do if we made 1 or both free throws.

    Line up in two lines at opposing ends of the court.  Single file, continuously toss the ball against the backboard with the person tossing the ball moving to the end of the other line and the next person in line continuing the sequence.  When the ball hits the ground PAX drops and completes 5 burpees.  We tried this for a few minutes before calling failure.

    Line drill then second round of 1-1s with Rosie and Swirly making attempts.  Once again we did this twice with no one making a basket.  10 burpees each time there was a miss.  Joy!

    Circle up at mid-court for Box Out Ring of Fire.  PAX planks while 2 members attempt to do a 5 second box out drill.  Defender tries to prevent the offender from reaching the ball in the middle of the circle.  After a few iterations the PAX began counting down by completing 5 merkins for each participant.  Everyone participated that wanted to (I know who you are…).

    Pair up for the much anticipated 2-2 matchups.  Play half-court for 3 minutes.  Winning team stays, losing team rotates clockwise.  Odd team out does WWIIs for 3 minutes.

    After 15 minutes we gathered our belongings and race back to the flag.

    Moleskin
    Welcome FNG Flange!  This workout should not necessarily be your litmus test for whether or not you come back.  We are mostly business when it comes to workouts but every once in a while it is nice to do something different and have some fun.

    YHC appreciates the PAX suffering through some of the attempted exercises before we got to the more enjoyable 2-2 games.  If the PAX would have allowed it, YHC would have scheduled 45 minutes of 2-2 games.

    In 3 years, the PAX has attempted 14 free throws and only made 2.  Of those 2, Sippy Cup is the only one to make a free throw.  In 3 years.  1 person, 2 free throws.  Maybe we should try this again in the summertime when it is light.

    For those wondering, this is what a tap drill should look like.  Also, these kids are like 12.

    And this is what a box out drill looks like.  Skip to ~3:30 for some good examples:

    Enjoy the games everyone!

    Splinter out

     

     

     

  • The Westham Kickback

    Ten noble steeds, including the one armed bandit, gathered in the pre-dawn for this morning’s iteration of Spider Run.  Splinter commandeered the Q from Lockjaw who had it for the past month.  Not surprising, Lockjaw wasn’t Q’ing so he didn’t post.  Route went something like this:

    Rather straightforward 4 mile loop.  Run across the lake, meander up the hill to Keller and out the College Drive entrance.  Cross College, up Glen Pkwy and take a right on Westham.  Westham all the way to Patterson, right on Patterson, Right on Horsepen.  Cut through fraternity row, back by the baseball field and back to the VSF.

    5 milers took a left on University and ran across Ridge and up to Ralston.  Turn around and come back to Westham and complete the loop.  Adding the long way around the lake to finish.

    6 milers did the 5 mile route and took a right on Waveny, working down to Horsepen then turning around and heading back to Westham.  Follow the 4 mile route to Horsepen, left on Glen, right on Ridge Top, left up Chandler and back down.  Continue on Ridge Top, cutting through fraternity row and back to the VSF.

    Moleskin
    Marvelous morning for a run.  Light six mile crew this morning but conversation centered around all the positives of parents living vicariously through kids sports.  Everyone is injury free and gearing up for the CSAUP.

    Great to see Wheelbarrow out there this morning.  Must be the pull of CSAUP training.  SoJ is looking strong and may be able to field 2 teams.  Keep recruiting.

    Saab was a blur this morning.  Ran to the AO, ran around, then ran home.

    TClaps to Two Can for keeping the PAX abreast of Gen Z lingo.  Parties aren’t parties anymore, they are kickbacks.

    Keep kicking back gentlemen.  Crank up some Angus Young and enjoy the day.

    Splinter out.

  • Bear Crawl Doping

    Eight fine gentlemen emerged in the waning gloom for a Splinter led beatdown @ WDog.  Huddle up around the flag while waiting for Hardywood to put his shoes on, then away we went.  It went something like this:

    Long mosey to the east side of chigger hill for COP:

    20x Smurf Jacks
    15x Russian Soldiers (or Hillbilly soldiers for one)
    Typical routine for arm circles forwards and backwards
    20x Mountain Climbers
    10x WWI situps

    The Thang
    Slow saunter over to fountain lake for 10+ minutes of merkins.  Gather at the southeast corner and run to the 1st light post and complete 2 merkins.  Run back to the start and repeat 2 merkins.  Run to the second light post and complete 4 merkins.  Run back to the start and repeat 4 merkins.  Continue as many light posts as you can get to in 10 minutes, doubling the merkins at each light post.  Stopped shortly after 10 minutes.

    Work our way back to the VITA loop, stopping at the nearest corner.  Bear crawl counter clockwise on the loop to the first station then complete 10 jump squats.  Keep working our way around the track until YHC said stop.  Audible after the first 50 yd bear crawl (because that sucked) to alternate between lunges and bear crawls.  Quick audible to stop the mayhem after 4 stations.

    Run, reportedly in the wrong direction, to the end of light post row (Boulevard & Trafford).  Escalating burpee light posts.  Start at 1, adding 1 burpee for every light post you get to.  Continue to the end of the sidewalk.

    Run back to the flag, stopping for some pole smoker indian run with flutter kicks as the idle station.  Exchange pleasantries with our peer workout group before circling up for COT where YHC took us out.

    Moleskin
    What a wonderful day to be out in the gloom.  With the light and temperatures increasing in the morning, the gloom doesn’t quite feel so gloomy.  The PAX was highly appreciative of the cardio friendly workout today.  Apparently the PAX did not appreciate YHC calling out 5 minutes left during 10 minutes of merkins.  Bodo’s wondered if that meant 5 minutes left in the workout.  Alas, much more to do.

    Bear crawl stations on the VITA trail seemed like a good idea but was quickly modified due to overwhelming sucky-ness.  Even Honeydo was thankful for the audible there.  Apparently he has been working out with the Russians the past few weeks as his bear crawling form was top notch.

    Swirly was itching to provide advice to our peer group on how both partners can benefit from certain exercises.  Glad he stayed on the straight path back to the flag.  Great catching up with you today Swirly.

    Announcements
    – CSAUP planning is in full effect.  Lobby your team captain for your ideal legs.
    – Breaking Bread this Sunday.  See Kubota.
    – Healing Place Saturday after Dogpile.  See Honeydo or Upchuck.
    – Prayers to all our PAX members going through grief or anxiety.

    Apologies to any LIFOs that may have been out there.  No chance you would have found us today.  Enjoy the day fellas.

    Splinter out.

  • Plan B

    Eight moist, yes I said it, spider runners gathered under the drive through in preparation for a run in the rain.  We waited, and waited and waited until 5:29 when YHC threw out Plan B.

    Route was over the river.  Take the normal route out the south UR entrance, across the shopping center, across the bridge and downriver to various turn around points.  Loop around the half cloverleaf for 4 milers (no takers today).  Turn around at rock falls for 5 milers.   6 milers pulled an audible and turned right just past rattlesnake creek and meander our way up to Cherokee.  Everyone turned around and made it safely back to the start.

    Moleskin
    YHCs streak of impeccable instructions continues.  Today’s route was familiar.  Instructions included go across the bridge and go downriver.  Turn around where you see fit and come back.  Singer looked slightly confused but was working it out in his head and confirmed with:  “if you are coming across the bridge you go left, correct?”.  Correct.  Someone else retorted with “go under the bridge”.  Saab attempted to clarify the instructions by telling everyone to go west which was incorrect.  Whichever your preference, Singer’s, the retorter’s or my original downriver instructions would have been accurate.  West, unfortunately, was inaccurate.

    Great run today.  It was nice to have a headwind at the start so it would follow us home.

    Announcements
    – CSAUP.  Everyone is excited.  Team captains starting to emerge.
    – BRR.  Only hard commits accepted.  See preblast

    Splinter out.

  • Mission Accomplished

    Thirteen Monday morning regulars convened in the bus loop for today’s Hoedown.  Fudd secured his keys and off we went to the far end of the parking lot by the donation vessels for…

    COP
    20x SSH
    20x Mountain Climbers
    15x Arm Circles each way
    10x Don Quixotes (9 if you got a slow start)

    The Thang
    Partner up for 1K / 5K.  1000 exercises while you alternate with your partner running to the bottom of Lindsay and back.  Exercises were 100 jump squats, 200 derkins, 300 flutters, 400 LBCs.  Box cutters until exhaustion for those that finish first.

    Stroll over to the drop of loop for curb crawls.  Bear crawl to the other side, 1 merkins, crawl bear back, 2 merkins, etc. up to 8.  Repeat 8 and then work your way back down to 1.  Various Al Gore positions while we wait.

    Quick saunter to the lightpost at the far corner of the lot for escalating burpee lightpost.  6 lightposts, starting off at 1 burpee increasing by one at each lightpost all the way to 6.  Don Quixotes until you get light headed or the PAX finishes, whichever came first.

    Speed walk over to the flag for 10x ring of fire and mary which included single leg APDs, hello dollys, american hammers and reverse plank for 60 seconds to finish it off.

    Numbers, names, YHC took us out with a spring like prayer.

    Moleskin
    The PAX was hungry this morning for a beatdown.  Plenty of grunts and gasps during 1K/5K.  Kudos to whomever started with jump squats.  That jaunt down Lindsay was longer than expected.  Most of the round 2 fellas never jumped a squat.

    Future Hoedown Qs take notice.  There is a large street sign hidden by the shadows right at the top of Lindsay on the other side of the road.  If you decide to use that as a runway, be sure to advise the PAX of said sign in advance.

    Someone softly inquired what got YHC in such a foul mood this morning.  By contrast, I had a wonderful weekend and was looking to start the week off with a bang.  You know it’s a good workout when Saab discloses that he is walking home instead of running.  Mission Accomplished!

    Announcements
    – CSAUP.  Get your teams together
    – See Upchuck or Honeydo about helping those recovering from addition train for the 10k.  Immediately following Dogpile in February and March.  Run a few miles to help those recovering.

    Splinter out.