Author: Upchuck

  • He’s Not a Runner

    One PAX hit the mean streets of Broward for a slightly elongated edition of The Clinic. Temperatures were 70 and conditions sunny. According to the police officer on stakeout in the hotel parking lot, the following might have happened….zzzzz.

    Route: Circle to Peters to office parking lot to office building to drop off the kids to La Quinta to mall parking lot (hi to the people paying $100 / month to do…well…to do what we do for free), out to Broward Blvd. and reverso back home).

    5.5 or so. Name, number, YHC said a few words of thanks, and good luck to my friend Omar traveling to Jamaica this week.

    NMS:

    When exiting one’s own office building at 05:07 a.m., it’s comforting to see the security person in the parking lot (actually, it’s a little weird). But, it’s more comforting to see someone stretching in the parking lot. AWESOME. We might have our first FNG. With Pavoratti on a business trip, YHC thought The Clinic might have a visitor. But, late night activities no doubt intervened. Here was a genuine runner getting ready to exercise…and as YHC ran around that side of the lot, he saw the telltale signs of a man not preparing to run. First, the little orange glow. Then, the waft and the sweet smell. Then, the Mr. Pibb bottle. The dude was stretching, but alas, for this individual, an early morning fat one and some soda were the choices of the morning.

    Onward…

  • Helen Returns

    One PAX launched early for the latest edition of The Clinic. Conditions were 70 and sunny. According to Helen, the following may quite possibly have happened:

    Mosey from the hotel to the man-made lake for the COP

    SSHs, IWs, DQs, Dead Man Hang, stretch to the sky, LBCs, WWIIs.

    Circuits around the lake. YHC estimates the small circuit around the lake is about the same as a track (1/4 mile). As YHC will tell anyone, YHC hates track work. YHC wonders why anyone would use a track, ever, for anything. Just a horrific invention. So, YHC did essentially track work with 6 stations. 20 reps of each, except as noted.

    Station 1: merkins
    Station 2: LBCs
    Station 3: Rosalitas
    Station 4: Decline merkins (10 reps)
    Station 5: WWIIs
    Station 6: SSHs

    Three loops.

    Mosey the long way home. YHC estimates a mile.

    Name, number, YHC said a quick prayer for some folks who are struggling.

    Announcements:

    Breaking Bread: thank you to the men who carried food this weekend to the Southside Medical Respite, and to the men and women who did the cooking. The bar for a good meal was set really, really high by your brothers and their families. YHC definitely is looking to get invited to both Oyster’s and Gomer’s next family dinner. Wow. Sign up for November and December is open. We need YOU to help with dinner for 8-12 people. With 24 nights each year, this is a great way to make a contribution to F3’s leadership in the community. YHC thanks you in advance. And, if you can, bring a bag or two of fruit. These folks do not get much produce, and they really appreciate it.

    Beer Mile. Saturday at 7 (that’s p.m., for those who were asking at First Watch). Suggested weekend itinerary:
    1) Watch “All Quiet on the Western Front” Friday evening. Develop a solid disdain for war.
    2) Attend a minimum of three workouts Saturday morning (example: Breakfast Club, then Dogpile, then The Crucible), then,
    3) Kids’ events Saturday morning into early afternoon, late afternoon nap (well deserved), and
    4) Top the evening off with 4 beers and 4 laps and puking and then,
    5) A well deserved slumber “in bed” by 8:30 p.m., assuming your definition of “in bed” is “asleep on Faceplant’s front lawn.” Temps should be in the 50s at bedtime, dropping to the high/mid 40’s by the time you wake up wondering where you are and why your M hasn’t taken you home, then,

    5.5) Find said way home, and,
    6) (Promise yourself and your M that you will) Grow from this experience (note F3 Nation recommends that you use Caps when “Growing”),
    7) Build communication with your M,
    8) Learn to say the words “Do as Daddy says, not as Daddy does” to your 2.0s,
    9) Remind yourself that, after an evening of sleeping outside, attempting to whisper the phrase “Please, Bodo’s, can you turn down the microphone?” during church on Sunday, will not go over well with the M. It will not be a whisper, and only you will think you are funny.
    10) Remind self that YHC has warned you.

    NMS: YHC’s pal Omar is a stoic fellow, never complaining, though YHC suspects he’s hurting. Keep him in your prayers as he travels home for a funeral. He lost a 20-some year old cousin to an industrial accident. The cousin was crushed by some concrete blocks, apparently unsecured, perhaps by the cousin himself, that fell off the side of a truck. Apparently, this happened on Day 2 of a new job working for the cousin’s father, who owns the construction company. Yikes.

    Great to see Helen, who must be at least 75 and is still working at the hotel, back at work. Say what you will, but being at work at 5 a.m. is not something YHC aspires for at that age. Has to be a challenge.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Off Season

    Four assembled in the darkness of the wee-hours to stretch and grow. Conditions were 70 and sunny. According to the dude in the pick-up, the following might have happened:

    UpChuck Q:

    Stretch to the sky. Stretch to the side. Repeat.

    Last Call Q:

    Stretch to the sky. Stretch to the side. Stretch to the front. Repeat. (Hutton released).

    Hutton Q:

    Stretch to the sky. Stretch to the side. Stretch to the front. Repeat. (Someone else released).

    Names, Numbers, Etc.

    NMS: Stretching is cool. F3 yoga mats are awful and off-brand. Adults use a towel or a normal mat.

    Announcements:

    First Watch is 3.
    Kubota is 5.
    Breaking Bread is cool.
    Drinking beer and running is at 7 on Saturday. Puking is at 7:05.

  • Lexus

    One solitary soul marched out and took in the new day at The Clinic. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the Lexus salespeople cleaning up from the prior night’s festivities, the following likely happened:

    Route: north around the circle, cross Peters, east through the parking lots, north to the Mall, and further north to Broward Blvd. Take a slight detour on the way back to make it over 5 miles.

    Number, name, YHC took himself out.

    NMS: Same old, plus a shiny new Lexus awaiting YHC on the hotel doorstep. Awaiting, meaning, if anyone wants to buy it, it’s for sale. Apparently, the Lexus people are learning the new features on the 2023 models.

    Announcements:

    Faceplant is trying to make friends by drinking and running.

    Breaking Bread: we are looking for Qs for November and December. One for November on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, and then both days of the Christmas weekend. No better way to take in the holidays than giving. Dinner for 8-12 people. 5:30 p.m. Sign up on the Q-Sheet as far to the right as possible. YHC appreciates your help in advance.

  • Breakthrough

    Six stallions launched in the pre-dawn to conquer the shadows and the trails. Conditions were 70 and sunny. According to the dog being dragged around the trails by its anti-social owner, the following might have happened:

    5 took the bridge to Buttermilk. Four stayed through T. Pottersfield Bridge to North Bank. 2 mastered the War Memorial Hill. 2 demurred. 1 took Belle Isle to North Bank. All proceeded in-line BTTVSF. 6.7 miles.

    1 traveled solo on the roads at high speed. Call it 9-10 miles. He goes by the nom de trail, Saab.

    Numbers, names, and Helix took us out.

    Announcements:

    Beer Mile. All support the remembrance of Shawn G. Hogan. Some prefer to do so in a non-carbonated, non-alcoholic, sedentary position. Others are considering giving it a whirl.

    F3 Toucan (Two Can, To Khan, 2-Can, etc.) plead guilty this week. Good reminder to all of us not to lose track of our friends or get too wrapped up in things to remember we are friends who count on each other.

    Breaking Bread:

    Oyster and Gomer are carrying the load for all of us next weekend as we round out October.

    We need Qs for November (Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend) and December (Saturday and Sunday of Christmas weekend). Your help is appreciated. Sign up on the Q sheet in the special location as far to the right as possible.

    NMS: Even the smallest hand wave can sometimes be a sign of life. Start small, and build from there.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • It Pays ($100) to be a Winner

    Nine PAX stood ready to launch on a perfect fall morning, soon joined at the literal last minute by a six-foot stallion driving the best 1988 had to offer. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the engineer who installed new lighting in the teachers’ F3 Parking Lot, the following might have happened:

    One two three four full warm-up laps around the Parking Lot (the beatings will continue until morale improves).

    Form a single line. Indian Native American lunge walk. Pax line up and lunge in single file. Last man does 10 burpees, then moves to the front of the line. Ah, forget it. Last man did his 10 burpees. Penance served.

    Mosey to the grassy corner.

    15 (or so) warm up exercises, descending roughly in count from 15 down to 1. Exercises were something like:

    SSHs
    Imperial walkers
    Don Quixotes
    Hillbillies
    Littlest of Baby Crunches
    Hello Dollies 
    Flutter kicks
    Rosalitas
    Something else
    Hand Release Merkins
    Merkins
    Carolina Dry Docks
    Burpees
    Something else

    If Fudd counts this far, then yes, there are only 14 exercises. RVM Math Team!

    21s. Pax does 5 SSHs in cadence, then continues silently until 21, finishing in unison. BOOM! Nailed it. (Somewhere Hitchhiker is doing 5 burpees on his own.)

    Mosey to the Greek Church parking lot. 

    Dora 1-2-3. Pair up. 
    100 Carolina Dry Docks
    200 Squats
    300 Side-Straddle Hops

    Twist: each time partners switch, perform 5 Boo-Yah Merkins.

    Mosey to the other side of the parking lot. Partner up. (Yeah, so what if the Q knew to stand next to EF Hutton?)

    Partner 1: Bear crawl to curb
    Partner 2: Dealer’s Choice. A variety of PAX selected WWIIs, LBCs, and something else.
    Roughly 3 rounds.

    Anyone want to race BTTVSF? 

    Four Corners. One round for all the marbles. 

    10 merkins
    20 LBCs
    30 box cutters
    40 Something else…maybe rosalitas.

    Mosey BTTVSF. Sprint the last 20 yards. 

    Numbers, names, Swirl Y took us out.

    Announcements:

    Beer Mile. October 29, horses report to the paddock: 7:00 p.m. Race start time, also 7:00 p.m. First person puke time, also 7:00 p.m.

    Breaking Bread: 3 open nights for the year. November and December. This is F3RVA’s volunteer effort. Bring dinner to 8-12 folks recovering at the Southside Medical Clinic. They love it. You’ll love it. Sign up on the Q sheet. YHC thanks you in advance. 

    NMS: Great morning, fellas. Well done. Thank you for making this fun.

  • We Need a Safety Net, Not a Hammock

    13 men chose to knock this thing out right now in the latest edition of First Watch, F3RVA’s only AO with its own cult following. Temperatures remained 70 and sunny. According to the citizens concerned upon seeing men with cinder blocks in the middle of the night, the following might have happened:

    THE COP (singular):

    Mosey to the grassy knoll in front of River Road Church (a Baptist-type organization):

    SSH’s x20 (4-count)
    Merkins x5 (4 count)
    Hillbillies x10 (4-count)
    Merkins x5 (4 count)
    Imperial Walkers x10 (4-count)
    Merkins x5 (4 count)
    Dead Man Hang x10 (4-count)
    5 burpees
    Alabama Prom Dates x10 (4-count)
    Merkins x5 (4 count)

    Mosey to the Parking Lot…grab a block (thank you to Site Q-bota for the new blocks):

    For purposes of simplicity, the next 40 minutes of the Beatdown were conducted while carrying a block.

    Mosey to South Ridge and Cameron. 20 curls.

    Mosey to Cameron and Culpepper. Triple check.

    PAX 1: Bernie Sanders up the hill; run back down.
    PAX 2: Overhead press
    PAX 3: Bench press

    Mosey to Grattan and Culpepper. Triple check.

    PAX 1: Option A: Bear crawl to the dump truck (sans block). Option B: Run to the pick-up (with block).
    PAX 2: Little baby block crunches
    PAX 3: Curls

    Mosey to South Ridge and Cameron. 20 of something.

    Mosey to the parking lot (far corner): 20 block exercises. Dealer’s Choice / OYO.

    Return the blocks.

    Mosey to the VSF for 3 MsOM.
    30 Flutter kicks (4-count)
    Reverse crunches
    4 burpees

    Announcements / Requests:

    Firewoman Kate is having neck surgery tomorrow. Let’s hope for a successful operation and a quick recovery. Prayers for her and the whole First Responder family this week.

    Gumbo and Rosie have something cookin’. It involves a Triangle. Look for more details and plan to attend.

    Splinter is starting a new hammock rental business. See Slack for details.

    Safe travels and a good time for everyone at the BRR. Let’s do this!

    NMS:

    YHC’s momma turns 83 tomorrow. When one raises 4 reasonably well-adjusted kids (or any number of kids) who have turned into halfway decent adults / parents, that deserves respect. Being a parent involves learning how to carry a little bit heavier load than we each planned (by analogy, the block). As we get older, sometimes life throws more blocks at us. Mom has gone through the last 12 years learning how to do things on-her-own (like many of our parents). Sometimes smooth; sometimes a little rocky, but always pushing forward. Happy birthday, mom.

  • Shots Fired

    8 running buddies launched at 7 with 2 Sheilas in hot pursuit for the latest edition of Sunday Funday. Conditions were 70 and sunny. According to the suspect at large, the following might have happened:

    Route: Buttermilk, cross at Belle Isle Oark (audible due to gunfire), down the trail to the river, skip over the rocks to Belle Isle, then the loop on Belle Isle, then North Bank, and back to the VSF. 6.5 or so.

    NMS: Not every day that we hear a pair of gunshots (or have others report same). Not weapons seen. Multiple witnesses interviewed. All returned safely.

    Names, numbers, Shakedown took us out.

    YHC’s brain thinks we had 8, but is only remembering 7. Apologies. Who did I miss?

  • I hate you

    Tough to say how many precisely posted for the latest edition of The Roller Coaster. Temperatures were definitely sunny and 70. According to the good-looking, married, 50-somethings who stare just a little bit too long, the following might have happened.

    Routes: Hillcrest. Variations: Small, Medium, and Large (No XLs today).

    YHC did 2 small, 1 medium, and 1 large with a mix of accompanying PAX members.

    NMS: Always great to catch up with the guys at this AO. With the exception of the top of Chairman and Pocohauntas, it’s all hills. YHC was happy to have HoneyDo join for a Large loop. HoneyDo was less happy at the route, but persevered. Well done.

    Way to push, fellas.

    Announcements: BRR 2 weeks away.

    Let YHC know if I missed anyone.

  • Yes, it’s called ”The Gambia”

    One PAX launched earlier than some, later than others to enjoy a soupy August morning at The Clinic. Temperatures remained 70 and sunny. According to the President of The Gambia, who was assigned to overwatch, this is what happened:

    5:12 am: send final taunting text to Gumbo to get his butt out of bed.

    5:12:20 Launch. Run today was just about 316,800 inches, or 5 mikes. YHC’s Apple Watch Series 11 is very precise.

    06:02:21

    Number, name, YHC took himself out under the watchful eye of the President’s security team.

    NMS: The Gambia, really. YHC thought the two dudes with darkened SUVs were picking up the Dolphins. Nope. Hip bulges suggested otherwise. YHC, being a social fella, chose to make friends. Nice fellas, those Gambians. YHC gathers that south Florida is pretty laid back for presidential security.
    Intelligence nugget: no boxes of Gambian presidential documents were identified during the workout.

    UpChuck spits the bit.