Author: Upchuck

  • If You Ask Me Nicely, I’ll Turn Left

    4 stallions – 3 regulars and one aspiring regular – saddled up at 05:30 for this morning’s version of The Breakfast Club. Route was Robinson to the park, RIGHT at the lake drive, up to the artist formerly known as the Columbus Statue, left towards the other lake, around the other lake, right and down the steps to the actual lakeside, around most of the lake, and then over to Dogpile. Return, like the Wise Men, by another route (the usual, other route).

    Numbers, names, YHC took us out with a message about being thankful for the women in our lives.

    NMS:

    Angus joined the PAX today, and we hope he will make it a habit. With Hutton on the DL and Handshake oversharing and hopefully not falling asleep prematurely, it was great to still have four. Plus, Hitchhiker has been exploring new people to join the PAX as Hitch continues to be bored running with the same people.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Maybe You Have Male Genital Dysaesthesia?

    6 maybe-not-Italian (ok, Salvucci is probably Italian) Stallions busted out of the paddock for today’s heat-soaked version of the Roller Coaster. According to the kids coloring the road in front of TYA’s house, this is what happened, more or less.

    Two big loops for everyone. 4+ miles. Hills, hills, and more hills.

    NMS:

    Hot today. Not summer sticky hot, but still “we are not ready for this” hot. YHC definitely heard Adrienne Pennino yell out “Stop the fight! Stop the fight!” at the end of the second round on this one. More than one UpChuck was present (if you know what I mean).

    TYA reminded us that, when using skin-burning face wash, keep the face wash on the face. He feels the Bern. A surprising number of PAX had stories of “friends” who had also felt the Bern.

    https://dermnetnz.org/topics/male-genital-dysaesthesia/

    YHC wonders if there is enough aloe in the world to address this situation.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • I Finally Met Kay

    5 runners and a rider loop-d-looped for the first spring, 2021 Edition of The Roller Coaster.

    Most did 5, some did 6, and maybe someone did 7 small loops for roughly 5 miles, give or take.

    Perfect day to be out running. Thanks for joining fellas.

    142 shopping days until BRR.

    Oh, and Kay drove by. Nice to meet her.

  • You Better Not Have a Clipboard.

    You Better Not Have a Clipboard.

    6 First (Watch) Responders, including Fireman Ed, answered the call for today’s version of F3RVA’s earliest beatdown. According to the CSX train engineer, here’s more or less what happened:

    Mosey to the church steps for a workout complete with some of Hutton’s favorites:

    COP:

    SSHs
    Jazzercise
    IWs
    Dead Man Hang
    HRMs
    Suzanne Summers (right)
    LBCs
    Suzanne Summers (left)

    Mosey to the Corner of the Auxiliary Parking Lot (by the coupons). Take a moment.

    Mosey to the corner of Ridge and River for Touch-a-Tree:

    3 rounds of touching 2, 4, and 6 trees each round.

    Round 1 – Arms:

    Burpees
    Mercans
    Carolina Dry Docks

    Round 2 – Abs:

    WWIIs
    Box Cutters
    Flutter kicks

    Round 3 – Legs (Never Miss Leg Day)

    High Knees
    Monkey humpers
    Squats

    Mosey to the Back Corner of the Parking Lot for Four Corners:

    Round 1 (no escalator):
    10 mercans
    20 WWIIs
    30 4-count flutter kicks
    40 SSHs

    Bernie Sanders on the long sides (Hutton loves him some Bernie), lunges on the short sides (again, never miss leg day)

    Round 2 (escalator at each corner)
    Grab a block
    10 block thrusters
    20 block curls
    30 block presses
    40 block squats

    Abbreviated Triple Check (3 guys, 2 rounds):

    1st: Bernie Sanders to one end of parking lot; mosey back.
    2nd: Block press
    3rd: Hold block overhead

    Ring of Fire

    Numbers, Names, Handshake took us out (YHC thanks Handshake for being voluntold to lead us).

    Announcements:

    Blood Drive Friday (Bodo’s) and May 1 (Freed to Bleed).

    Tomato Run in Mechanicsville on Saturday. 4 men, 3 loops each, descending distances. Let’s do this. 5 a.m. start.

    BRR – please contact TYA to join the team. Still need a handful of guys willing to challenge themselves to listen to YHC’s stories and snoring for 2 days. Also, there is some running involved and a lot of darkness.

    NMS:

    EF Hutton has been a staple at First Watch. YHC usually arrives 2nd or 3rd, with Hutton almost always there when YHC arrives. While the PAX waits for Hutton to heal, we paid tribute with the appropriate stretches, ample Bernie Sanders, a Ring of Fire, and a white board.

    When YHC conducted a brief COP, then started the mosey from the front of church back to the parking lot, YHC heard Kubota’s voice say, “You better not have a clipboard.” Alas, YHC did have a white board, complete with the Daily Green Pill workout. The PAX circled up around the white board with a variety of mumble chatter indicating the PAX’s displeasure with YHC’s selection. “Is it too late to Fart Sack?” YHC led the PAX in a moment of respect for Hutton. Then, in a brief discussion, the PAX agreed they all like Hutton. And, the PAX agreed that YHC was funny (not funny) for pulling the DGP out as though YHC intended to Q the DGP. Nope. Just kidding. YHC is mischievous, but not satanic. YHC will leave the DGP to Hutton.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Correction

    Adding PAX from Saturday’s run to Big Dada

  • Who Wants to Tell Their M the Name of This AO?

    Who Wants to Tell Their M the Name of This AO?

    One PAX launched while on holiday. It was 70 and sunny. YHC works out here a few times a year. The AO still needs a name. See above and below.

    COP: Two loops of the park, SSHs, DQs, dead man hang, LBCs, flutter kicks.

    Mosey around the park to the picnic tables.

    Derkins on one bench, snow angels on top, incline mercans on the other bench. Four tables means four rounds. 10 the first round, 15, then 20, then 15. Run the park loop after each round.

    Elevens: HRMs and Rosalitas. Polar bear one way. Run the other.

    Run the park loop two more times.

    Pick two mailboxes. Bear crawl between them. 20 flutter kicks, 10 WWIIs, and 20 squats. 3 times.

    Mary on the way out.

    Announcements: That would be weird to do alone.

    NMS: The AO is pronounced the way it is spelled. It’s a Native American name. The sign on the local bridge has been stolen so many times that the local authorities no longer replace it. Alas, the sign at the trail head remains. Please add any suggested AO names to the comments. Winners will be announced on Slack; need not be present to win.

  • Some People Feel the Rain. Others Just Get Wet.

    9 of Roger Miller’s closest friends ventured forth in the rain, wind, and Gloom, electing to spend 45 Minutes together at Mary. Temperatures and conditions were exactly 70 and sunny. According to the worms inching across the pavement, here’s what happened, more or less:

    With the normal Q (Wojo – get better soon) on the PUP (Physically Unable to Perform) list, Saab took the Q to begin with:

    Mosey around the school north, west, south, and east to the playground.

    COP:
    Dead Man Hang
    Helicopters
    Imperial Walkers
    Mercans

    Mosey to the Tennis Courts for Suicides:

    Standard suicides
    Escalator suicides with mercans (5, 10, 15, 20) at the 25, 50, 75, and 100 percent lines

    Mosey to the School Wall of Inverted Pain for Chicken Peckers (10), then bear crawl to the blacktop, then run to the fence, Bernie Sanders back, and 20 WWIIs. Hold for the Six, and pitch it to TYA for:

    TYA Q:

    Mosey to the Pavilion. Partner up. Partner 1 does Heels to Heaven. Partner 2 runs to the corner of Commonwealth and Grove, then runs back. Swap. 3 rounds.

    HoneyDo Q:

    Mosey to the Blacktop for four corners.

    Round 1: 10 burpees, 20 mercans, 30 V-ups, 40 jump squats
    Round 2: 15 burpees, 25 mercans, 35 V-ups, 45 jump squats

    UpChuck Q:

    53 four-count flutter kicks
    10 snow angels
    5 or so inverted scorpion kicks

    Mosey back towards the flag. But, then an April Fool’s Audible, stop, do 5 mercans and 5 WWIIs, then continue BTTVSF.

    Numbers, names, Swirl-Y took us out.

    Announcements:

    Freed to Bleed on May 1 (Blood Drive). See BoBerry for details. (BoBerry – your Dad seemed to need more information on this event).

    Doublemint is pulling people together to help clean up Evergreen Cemetery on Saturday, April 3. 9-10:30 or 10:30-12. Let’s get some fellas out there. YHC has been – it’s fun and a rewarding experience.

    Sometime in May (Saturday – date TBD) TYA will be leading a crew to build a handicap ramp and some stairs for a new children’s facility on the Southside. Express your interest to him.

    BRR – September 9-11. Filling up fast. Be there and experience the stories. Or, don’t be there and miss the opportunity of having YHC snore so loud he wakes Saab.

    NMS:
    Saab does not take kindly to Pavilions. Hates them. Like Indiana Jones hates snakes.

    YHC was accused of foot faulting on the tennis courts. Guilty.

    Welcome, Slim from Asheville. Apparently, if F3RVA can’t find a house for BRR, we can stay with him. Very kind.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • All Y’all and All Yinz

    6 hombres of the evening convened on the lucious green lawns of Lynwood Holton Elementary for today’s version of The Punisher. Temperatures again held steady at precisely 70 (and sunny). According to the kids celebrating Picture Day, the PAX launched with:

    Slow mosey through the parking loop and onto the front lawn.

    COP:

    SSHs
    IWs
    DQs
    Swirly’s Dead Man Hang (silently)
    Flutter kicks
    LBCs
    Scorpion kicks
    Upside-down Scorpion kicks
    HRMs

    Mosey to the School Wall for a Triple Check

    Balls to the Wall
    V-ups
    run to the street light

    Mosey to the front lawn for a partner suicide in 4 and a Half stages:

    Stage 1: Partner 1 bear crawls to first row of trees. Run back. Partner 2: mercans
    Stage 2: Stage 1: Partner 1 bear crawls to second row of trees. Run back. Partner 2: mercans
    Stage 3: Partner 1 lunges to third row of trees. Run back. Partner 2: WWIIs
    Stage 4: Partner 1 lunges to fourth row of trees. Run back. Partner 2: WWIIs
    Stage 5 (Half Stage): Partner 1 does 3 burpees then runs to catch Partner 2, who has been polar bearing towards the tall pole that has no power or telephone wires. Swap and repeat until reaching the tall pole that has no power or telephone wires.

    Mosey to the Side Lawn for 4 Corners, Cumulative:

    Corner 1: 20 squats or jump squats
    Corner 2: 20 squats or jump squats + 20 heals to Heaven.
    Corner 3: 20 squats or jump squats + 20 heals to Heaven + 20 rosalitas.
    Corner 4: 20 squats or jump squats + 20 heals to Heaven + 20 rosalitas + 20 burpees

    Mosey to the loading dock parking area for criss-cross 11’s. PAX can choose to run long or short side. No short siders today (push yourself; don’t hurt yourself).

    SSHs
    Hardywood’s Arm Circle on Caboose with Feet Crossed Exercise

    Mosey BTTVSF

    Numbers, names, Dial-up took us out.

    Announcements:

    Freed to Bleed coming up. Check with Boberry for details.
    BRR in September.
    Thank you to each PAX who has given their time/treasure for Breaking Bread.

    NMS:

    Rabbit joined us from Greensboro today. Looking forward to having him join us every 2 weeks. Good to have you today.

    The PAX witnessed an F3 first, at least according to Legend. The mother of a PAX member drove by to cheer on the PAX! It’s not often women driving by call out to the PAX with words of encouragement. Nicely done, Mrs. McAdams.

    Offshore couldn’t make it.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • What Did You Have to Do to Get the Nod to Come Out?

    3 regulars secured the AO-K for a Sunday Funday, afternoon edition, run to celebrate TYA’s 58th birthday. Temps were (actually) sunny and 70 (or perhaps a little higher). According to the FSB agents posing as dog walkers, here was our route, more or less:

    Hepler, Paris, Forest, University, Glendale to Ridge (left), then Ridge to Zion Town, University, and Ralston. Left on Rose Hill. Kingston, Gaymont, University, cross Ridge, and continue on University. Left on Wood to Lakewood, right on Wood, and left on Beechwood, to West Drive Circle to Lindsay and BTT VSF.

    Announcements: nada.

    NMS: Candidly, it was not our best run. Miserable. Never good. Only got worse. Perhaps an unconscious ode to TYA’s slow pace, you know, the glacial one. Perhaps it was the humidity, which was downright summer-like. That’s 4.5 miles in the books. Good chatter and good company. Lots of training to go to be ready for BRR.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • “Get It Out”

    Ten warriors of The Gloom banded together to face the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time Darkness at Hoedown. Temps were sunny and 70, yet again, for what YHC announced (incorrectly, YHC might add) as “National You are Wrong Day.” (The correct name is National Everything You Think is Wrong Day – https://nationaldaycalendar.com/everything-you-think-is-wrong-day-march-15/).

    If YHC has this right, everything the PAX did was, more or less:

    Mosey to the School Wall for 10 Donkey Kicks, in cadence.

    Mosey to the Front of the School for the COP:

    SSHs
    Mountain Climbers
    Imperial Walkers
    Dead Man Hang (OYO)
    Bodo’s Sky Stretchers (w/tippie toes)
    Hillbillies
    LBCs
    1 flutter kick, Vinny-style (aka, Freddie Mercury)
    Flutter Kicks
    Scorpion Kicks
    HRMs

    Mosey to the front of Third Church. Find a space on one of the many beautiful walls. (Bodo’s requested that the PAX PLEASE do not leave footprints on the walls or in the landscaping.) The Q requested 10 donkey kicks, OYO.

    Mosey to the Third Church Alternate Parking Lot.

    Partner up for Swirling Blocks of Pain:

    Round 1: Partner 1 does Bernie Sanders while carrying the block. Partner 2 does 3 burpees, then catches Partner 1. Swap. 2 loops of the parking lot.

    Albert Gore & Family.

    Round 2: Partner 1 runs while carrying 2 blocks. Partner 2 does 5 HRMs (or, maybe it was 3 – it’s Everything You Think is Wrong Day), then catches Partner 1. Swap. 2 loops of the parking lot.

    Stretches.

    Round 3: Partner 1 bear crawls. Partner 2 does 5 block thrusters, then catches Partner 1. Swap. 1 loop of the parking lot.

    Albert Gore and Family.

    Round 4: Partner 1 crawls bear (or is it “crawl bears?”). Partner 2 carries 2 blocks around the loop, then catches Partner 1. Swap. A single loop of the parking lot was plenty.

    Stretches.

    Mosey to the front of Tuckahoe Elementary School for a set of donkey kicks.

    Mosey 20 yards to the bike rack for Elevens. Hand release mercans and box cutters.

    Mosey BTTF for some Mary.

    American Hammers, Rosalita’s, Hello Dolly, reverse crunches/gas pumps, flutter kicks.

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, Pucker took us out.

    Announcements:

    HDHH next Wednesday the 24th at “after workish” in West Creek. YHC thinks HoneyDo said “Hardywood West Creek” but advises the PAX to head towards the Capital One campus and grab a beverage at each watering hole until the PAX are found. YHC will join virtually from south Florida.

    TYA is assembling persons-of-interest for the BRR. Everything YHC has ever heard makes this sound awesome. Looking forward to it. September 8-11 or so (Thurs-Sunday). Run mountains in the dark or light until you drop. Then, contrary to all of your parent’s advice, get in the white van that is waiting at the rest stop in the middle of the night. Repeato for 30 hours.

    NMS:

    Handshake posted an epic family moment this weekend. Any PAX who have not seen it, head on over to Slack and check it out. “Get it out! Get it out!” Many a tear was shed laughing during today’s Donkey Kicks. Well done, Handshake. Kudos to the M for anticipating your children’s giddiness and filming the event.

    YHC learned some new profanities during the last round of the Swirling Blocks of Pain today. Frankly, that’s hard to do given YHC proficiency with profanity. Crawl bear is awful. YHC thanks Sippy Cup for introducing the CB to YHC some years back.

    UpChuck spits the bit.