Author: Upchuck

  • What Did You Have to Do to Get the Nod to Come Out?

    3 regulars secured the AO-K for a Sunday Funday, afternoon edition, run to celebrate TYA’s 58th birthday. Temps were (actually) sunny and 70 (or perhaps a little higher). According to the FSB agents posing as dog walkers, here was our route, more or less:

    Hepler, Paris, Forest, University, Glendale to Ridge (left), then Ridge to Zion Town, University, and Ralston. Left on Rose Hill. Kingston, Gaymont, University, cross Ridge, and continue on University. Left on Wood to Lakewood, right on Wood, and left on Beechwood, to West Drive Circle to Lindsay and BTT VSF.

    Announcements: nada.

    NMS: Candidly, it was not our best run. Miserable. Never good. Only got worse. Perhaps an unconscious ode to TYA’s slow pace, you know, the glacial one. Perhaps it was the humidity, which was downright summer-like. That’s 4.5 miles in the books. Good chatter and good company. Lots of training to go to be ready for BRR.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • “Get It Out”

    Ten warriors of The Gloom banded together to face the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time Darkness at Hoedown. Temps were sunny and 70, yet again, for what YHC announced (incorrectly, YHC might add) as “National You are Wrong Day.” (The correct name is National Everything You Think is Wrong Day – https://nationaldaycalendar.com/everything-you-think-is-wrong-day-march-15/).

    If YHC has this right, everything the PAX did was, more or less:

    Mosey to the School Wall for 10 Donkey Kicks, in cadence.

    Mosey to the Front of the School for the COP:

    SSHs
    Mountain Climbers
    Imperial Walkers
    Dead Man Hang (OYO)
    Bodo’s Sky Stretchers (w/tippie toes)
    Hillbillies
    LBCs
    1 flutter kick, Vinny-style (aka, Freddie Mercury)
    Flutter Kicks
    Scorpion Kicks
    HRMs

    Mosey to the front of Third Church. Find a space on one of the many beautiful walls. (Bodo’s requested that the PAX PLEASE do not leave footprints on the walls or in the landscaping.) The Q requested 10 donkey kicks, OYO.

    Mosey to the Third Church Alternate Parking Lot.

    Partner up for Swirling Blocks of Pain:

    Round 1: Partner 1 does Bernie Sanders while carrying the block. Partner 2 does 3 burpees, then catches Partner 1. Swap. 2 loops of the parking lot.

    Albert Gore & Family.

    Round 2: Partner 1 runs while carrying 2 blocks. Partner 2 does 5 HRMs (or, maybe it was 3 – it’s Everything You Think is Wrong Day), then catches Partner 1. Swap. 2 loops of the parking lot.

    Stretches.

    Round 3: Partner 1 bear crawls. Partner 2 does 5 block thrusters, then catches Partner 1. Swap. 1 loop of the parking lot.

    Albert Gore and Family.

    Round 4: Partner 1 crawls bear (or is it “crawl bears?”). Partner 2 carries 2 blocks around the loop, then catches Partner 1. Swap. A single loop of the parking lot was plenty.

    Stretches.

    Mosey to the front of Tuckahoe Elementary School for a set of donkey kicks.

    Mosey 20 yards to the bike rack for Elevens. Hand release mercans and box cutters.

    Mosey BTTF for some Mary.

    American Hammers, Rosalita’s, Hello Dolly, reverse crunches/gas pumps, flutter kicks.

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, Pucker took us out.

    Announcements:

    HDHH next Wednesday the 24th at “after workish” in West Creek. YHC thinks HoneyDo said “Hardywood West Creek” but advises the PAX to head towards the Capital One campus and grab a beverage at each watering hole until the PAX are found. YHC will join virtually from south Florida.

    TYA is assembling persons-of-interest for the BRR. Everything YHC has ever heard makes this sound awesome. Looking forward to it. September 8-11 or so (Thurs-Sunday). Run mountains in the dark or light until you drop. Then, contrary to all of your parent’s advice, get in the white van that is waiting at the rest stop in the middle of the night. Repeato for 30 hours.

    NMS:

    Handshake posted an epic family moment this weekend. Any PAX who have not seen it, head on over to Slack and check it out. “Get it out! Get it out!” Many a tear was shed laughing during today’s Donkey Kicks. Well done, Handshake. Kudos to the M for anticipating your children’s giddiness and filming the event.

    YHC learned some new profanities during the last round of the Swirling Blocks of Pain today. Frankly, that’s hard to do given YHC proficiency with profanity. Crawl bear is awful. YHC thanks Sippy Cup for introducing the CB to YHC some years back.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Stew in His Stomach

    4 made it for 4.6 in today’s rendition of Sunday afternoon Off the Books, Tuckahoe Edition. Temps were (again) 70 and sunny. When it doesn’t rain, it doesn’t pour.

    Route: Tuckahoe Elem to Forest, through parking lot to Ziontown Road, right through the cut-through to Rosslyn Hills, left to September becomes Countryside, left to Ruggles, left to Rosslyn Hills, and back through the cut-through. Picking up University to Ralston to University to Wood to Lakewood to Beechwood to West to Lindsey and straight on ’til dawn. 4.65 miles.

    NMS:

    Lots of guys on the DL. Bacon Bits is nursing a playground injury. No Hutton today – hope his back heals quickly and the audits get done as well. Splinter is off to warmer climates to watch kids playing beisbol, we assume in the Dominican Republic somewhere.

  • I Didn’t See the Post

    I Didn’t See the Post

    3 started and 4 finished the latest version of Breakfast Club. With ET’s still on short rations, the group launched from Early Bird Biscuit Company again today. Temps remained epically steady at sunny and 70.

    Route – the usual. Robinson to the park, left, right around the lakes, and to Dogpile from behind Swirly’s truck. Finish with the loop around the near circle. On the way back, the three wise men were joined by a fourth, all of who went home by another route.

    Numbers, Names, Handshake took us out.

    NMS:

    Handshake has a turtle in the box. UpChuck was once nicknamed Sunshine.

  • A Gender Neutral, Elevated Temperature Potato

    A Gender Neutral, Elevated Temperature Potato

    12 mudders entered the paddock for today’s edition of The Dogpile. Temperatures soared to 70 and sunny throughout the Beatdown. According to the worms slinking across Wilbon Street, the following is a gender-neutral summary of the Beatdown:

    Hot Potato Q called, YHC took the lead. Mosey to the Carillon’s front porch for:

    SSHs x30
    IW’s x10
    DQ’s (Abe Vegoda-style) x10
    Dead Man Hang (in silence) x1
    Inverted Scorpion Kicks x (no one counted)
    Alabama Prom Dates x5 (Gomer finished quickly. Sometimes that happens.)
    HRMs x10

    While the PAX was conducting this round, Hardywood’s farm welcomed another lamb.

    Hitchhiker Q:

    Mosey to the bottom of Rugby Road (the Triangle) for The Only Thing More Complicated than Touch-a-Tree.

    Three guys to a group. Group goes 100 burpees, 200 SSHs, and 300 jump squats. The running was sort-of the longest team suicide up-and-down the hill to the traffic circle, with each tree being the stopping point on the suicide. One dude is always doing LBCs. As Flatline likes to say,”Only those who post know.”

    Another lamb. Sorry, Kubota, no tractor needed around here.

    Roger Roger Q:

    4 rounds of people’s chair while doing overhead air presses. 100 APs per round. Then, run the loop (Rounds 1/2, run forward. Rounds 3/4, run Bernie Sanders-style). After each round, set of mercans. 20, 25, 30, 25.

    And, voila, another lamb.

    Bone Thugs Q (in mid-Q, Corporate announced a Reorganization Plan of today’s Q):

    Original Directions, accompanied by pointing: “Triangle. Bear crawl. Lunge. Bear crawl.”

    Field Implementation:

    Round 1: Triangle, bear crawl, run Rugby, lunge 10 yards to first tree, Bernie Sanders to circle, do 20 mercans.

    Rounds 2/3: Triangle, lunge short road, run Rugby, Bernie Sanders up hill, 20 mercans.

    Yep, another lamb. Is this a workout or Woodstock?

    Flipper Q:

    Mosey to the Amphitheater. Ascending number of dips while descending in the Amphitheater. Count up while going down.

    “What’s that, dear?” “Oh, mutton-honey. Just that another lamb-ie has arrived.”

    BTTF.

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, EF Hutton took us out.

    Announcements:

    Sign up for Consistency Daily, a daily email update on ways to make yourself and others better. From the author of Swirly’s Board, this is available directly to you, free of charge. This is good stuff. YHC is a subscriber and encourages you to be one, too. https://consistencycoaching.substack.com/?r=h5a4i&utm_campaign=pub&utm_medium=web&utm_source=copy

    Sign-up for Breaking Bread this spring/summer. The PAX has 24 opportunities annually to help prepare and deliver dinner at the Medical Respite Clinic on Belt Blvd. Well, since the response has been so exceptional, the PAX now has opportunities only in June or later. Boom! Fully subscribed for February, March, April, and May. The PAX is wonderful. In the words of F3RVA’s resident shooting instructor, Henry Baskerville, “Ain’t it wonderful to be wonderful?”

    NMS:

    Q sheet was open for Dogpile again today. F3 has 5 principles. Free. Open to all men. Rain or shine. Always outdoors. And, led by a rotating Q who participates in the workout. YHC encourages the PAX to Q. There are lots of opportunities to sign up. With Dogpile averaging 14-16 guys a week (pandemic numbers; and 25-30 pre-pandemic), we should have a new Q just about every workout during a given quarter of the year. YHC encourages folks who have not Q’d to do so (and that’ll give some other guys a chance to ease up). Let’s encourage some of the newer guys to jump in.

    Swirly has canceled his subscription to the RTD after learning this morning that Hasbro’s Mr. Potato Head is slated become gender neutral. Apparently, everybody’s favorite spud will sprinkle his seed no more. He’s been spayed (well, neutered, but that’s not alliterative). C’mon, Hasbro. What are you going to do with Mrs. P? She’s a wonderful woman-of-color with traditional pear-shaped hips. Does she get a body-shaming make-over as well?

    All of this begs the question, did either of these Traditional Taters ever actually have press-on genitalia? Not in YHC’s household. But, if they did, how traumatic is it that YHC is learning only now, at 48, that YHC’s parents must have removed the parts from the package? If someone wants to customize the toy for 2021, YHC says “let you be you,” but ease off on emasculating the Potato Heads.

    https://apnews.com/article/mr-potato-head-goes-gender-neutral-d3c178f2b9b0c424ed814657be41a9d8

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Tiger Woods Drives a Hyundai

    4 horsemen rode forth to patrol the Earth while the locals slept soundly during today’s version of Breakfast Club. Temperatures continued at an unseasonably warm sunny and 70. According to the wild beasts roaming in Byrd Park, the PAX took the following route:

    Start at Early Bird, south on Robinson, left on Lakeview, right on Lake, continue as the name changes to Shields Lake, left on Shirley, right to stay on Shirley, jog across Park (ahem, Gomer) to attempt surprise Swirly in his truck (op unsuccessful – target fully aware of PAX approach). Continue to near circle and reverso back to the Dogpile parking lot. Hitchhiker picked up Flipper en route.

    Note: Flipper alleges he ran from some place he referred to as “ET’s” to Dogpile. Never heard of the place.

    Return route was Spotswood, Lakeview, S. Robinson, and Early Bird.

    Number-ram-a, Name-a-rama, YHC took us out.

    NMS: Keep Hitch in mind today – has his eye on a piece of property. He also was very excited that Tiger Woods survived because of a Hyundai. Doesn’t Hitch drive a Toyota?

    Gomer despises not having precise instructions from the Q. Accordingly, next time, YHC will remember to tell the PAX to run the last 50 meters to the AO.

    Chatter at Publix did not disappoint. Plus, YHC enjoyed being warm, dry, and caffeinated. You guys are beautiful, and each one of you is unique.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Breaking Bread – Spring/Summer, 2021

    Breaking Bread – Spring/Summer, 2021

    Gentlemen, we put out the call to the PAX this fall, and you all answered. Thank you a ton. 

    Now, we are onto this Spring and Summer. This message is about asking for your help to make a real-life Impact – both in time and effort – on behalf of a group of people who F3RVA has sponsored for the last 4+ years. 

    For those not familiar, F3RVA helps by feeding residents in the Medical Respite facility at the Southside Health Center. This is on the Q sign-up sheet as, “Breaking Bread.” 

    Openings (as of today):

    Sign up! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Dx2qsu9vXun_NFgeD0GDKwQ6G2f5a-AKQq4IYk2eAJY/edit?ts=57713453#gid=1389235370

    March 27 (Saturday)

    April 24 (Saturday)

    May 22 (Saturday)
    May 23 (Sunday)

    June 26 (Saturday)
    June 27 (Sunday)

    The Thang: The PAX (sometimes multiple PAX and/or with their family/kids) sign up to bring dinner to 10-15 people recovering from injuries or illnesses at the Medical Respite Clinic on Belt Blvd. This is a place for those who have no other place to recover.

    Most of us will never need Medical Respite. That’s one more reason to be grateful for your position in life. Due to COVID, other groups have stopped providing meals. That is F3RVA’s reason to step-up. In 2020, a surge of PAX spirit moved F3RVA to take TWO nights per month instead of one (fourth Saturday and fourth Sunday). Your F3RVA brothers have challenged you to step-up. Many PAX have volunteered to take on the extra load (t-claps; you know who you are). YHC & Company ask that you do the same. Look for the sign-up slots on the Q Sheet. Look for reminders from YHC, who thanks you in advance. And, for those of you who have a Q during the week, please make an Announcement that we need PAX to commit themselves to making an Impact. Sign up.

    For those who believe that making a group dinner sounds hard, it is not. 

    1. You choose the menu. 
    2. You make dinner for 10-15 humans. 
    3. You deliver it at 5:30 p.m. (even the time is perfect for F3). Note: due to COVID, we simply deliver the food – we are not allowed inside the building to serve. 
    4. The residents will open the door to take the food.
    5. The residents will thank you profusely. 
    6. You are done. 

    Boom. It’s far easier than a Spit Q, a DTH 8-count exercise, keeping up with Gypsy on a run, posting as often as Handshake, Hitch, or Swirly, any CSAUP, doing SSH’s with The Carpenter, or birthing an anything that lives on Hardywood’s farm.  

    These people need F3RVA’s help (meaning YOUR help). As YHC has said many times, if you want to impress your M or your 2.0s, all the muscle-building workout stories are a paltry second place to making and delivering dinner for Breaking Bread. Tell them about that experience. Don’t get me wrong – doing your own rendition of UpChuck’s Rules for Touch-a-Tree can be riveting. But, this activity will impress the Mrs. or Girlfriend.

    Sign up on the Q sheet. Reach out to me with questions. Make an Impact.

  • Sun-Daycious

    4 horsemen jumped on their steeds at the ripe hour of 2 p.m. for the latest edition of Sunday Funday, Off the Books-style. Temps were 70 and sunny. According to the kids on the TES playground, this is what happened, bro-code style:

    Route (with some elements of “maybe those streets don’t connect, so you figure it out”):
    TES to Ziontown to University to Ralston to Gaymont to River to South Westham to the parking lot to UR / Bat Cave Entrance to UR Campus to Bridge over lake to Lakewood to Westham Pkwy. to Lakewood to West Drive to Lindsey. 5.5 miles, with some rounding either up or down.

    Announcements:

    Handshake turns 37 on Tuesday and is celebrating by hosting a free workout. Invite all the police officers and school bus drivers you know to meet us at the public vehicle gas pumps at Quioccassin Middle School at 05:30.

    NMS:

    Nice to take a gorgeous afternoon with 40 degree temps and hit the roads. It’s weird to see guys wearing shades to a run. Almost like either the clouds have left Richmond or the PAX is running at a decent hour or both.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • One

    One PAX sallied forth on an Off the Books, Down Range run. Temps were sunny and 70. Really. Except the sunny part.

    Route: 1 mile north on boardwalk, reverse, past the starting point, 1.5 miles south, reverse, BTTVSF. 5 total.

    NMS: Vinny sent this. Golf season is around the corner. Get your wardrobe advice now.

    https://app.radio.com/G0blVfv4Vdb

  • Sunday Supper Club

    3 PAX and one pooch assembled for an Off The Books run, Sunday style. Temps were sunny and 70. According to the utility workers in Westham, this is more or less what happened.

    12:10 hours: YHC makes his lunch. Passing on the opportunity for jalapeño hot dogs, YHC opts for salad and left-over, homemade moo-shoo pork.

    12:30 hours: Lockjaw makes his lunch, including a (glazed?) doughnut.

    14:00 hours: YHC leaves his house, jogs 1 mile to Chez Lockjaw.

    14:09:15 hours: YHC meets Lockjaw, da Vinci, and Lark.

    14:09:30 group starts running. 3.2 miles. At some point, Lockjaw mentions inadvisability of doughnut selection. Ahem.

    Loop to / from Chez Lockjaw.

    YHC runs home. Total about 5.3 miles.

    Silent Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, Everyman took himself out.

    NMS: After having both the Breakfast Club and Dogpile impacted by ice yesterday, YHC was glad to hit the roads of Westham. Nothing quite like the smell of freshly fallen pines, the tapping of snow and ice falling, and the soft hum of gas generators.

    YHC hopes Lockjaw successfully addressed the doughnut.

    Annoucements: Lockjaw mentioned to YHC last week a desire to add a third running option during the week. Current schedule for several PAX in our area is Tuesday at Spider Run and Friday at RAMM / Currahee. YHC figured Sundays might be an option. Pucker ready to join for runs after 10:00 hours.

    Drop a line if you have interest.