Author: Upchuck

  • Pickleball Singles Championship

    Pickleball Singles Championship

    2 fleet-of-foot denizens of the Pickle Ball kingdom met on the courts of battle for the Inaugural F3RVA Singles Pickle Ball Championship. Conditions were sunny and 70. According to the lady of the night and her escort, the following back-and-forth action might have happened.

    COP:

    Lap around the courts. Various stretches and exercises. Pre-game workout was intense with Applesauce setting the F3RVA record with 1,110 merkins (before 5:45 a.m.). He also Invented 2 new AI models and cured one strain of the common cold (but, only one). Vaccines were banned from this tournament, as was flouride and several books that few have read anyway. But, in this world of manufactured fear mongering, the players remained steadfast in their focus on sports science – only HGH, creatine, and good ole Ben-Gay were allowed. Shoes were required – sorry, Bodos.

    Indeed, this was pickleball at its most raw.

    Main Event – The Championship (Singles).

    Some time later this summer there is a double’s tournament (which is on the Summer Tour). Today, the two survivors of the fortnight-long round robin singles tournament fought it out. Back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back (ok, out!)…

    Highlights:

    Applesauce twice pulled off the unintentional double-tap (permitted in PB),
    Several balls that were “out” were called “in,” as a courtesy (thank you, Oyster),
    The stupid rule requiring that every ball which is out be actually called “out” was suspended for being dumb, stupid, and a poopy-face rule, and,
    Lobs to the Moon and Back were used extensively (and, candidly, quite effectively).

    In a three set nail biter, UpChuck narrowly defeated F3 newcomer and veteran Pickle Ball player Applesauce in a  mega cage match for the ages. This is Pickle Ball scoring, so it’s odd. 11-5-2, 11-7-1, 11-4-2 (17-12). The math works, and if it doesn’t, check Truth Social and ask yourself whether anything on the Inter-webs is really a lie if you want it to be true. Say it enough, and it becomes true.

    Also, Applesauce signed his first NIL deal to promote paddles for New England Asset Management company (NEAM). Incredible. Don’t believe me? Check out his paddle next week.

    There were already too many numbers for today, so all of the rest we did silently and shared good will and brotherhood on the way out.

    Next year, Applesauce. But, for now, age won out over youth.

  • Assistant Regional Manager or Assistant to the Regional Manager?

    Three studs awoke to steamy conditions ready to examine the age-old question, “What’s my title?” Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the guy going out for a THIRD round this morning (21 miles!), the following might have happened:

    Route: South bank, Buttermilk, Forest Hill, reverso, and back to the virtual shovel flag. 7 miles. In today’s temperatures / conditions, this was like running 7 miles in a simmering soup.

    Numbers, names, and YHC took us out.

    Announcements:

    Prayers for PAX members and their families, Breaking Bread, and Whitesnake leading The Bridge on July 19. Happy Father’s Day.

    NMS: Offshore is now officially the Assistant to the Traveling Secretary or the Assistant to the Regional Manager or the Associate Dean to the President. Or, something. Discussion today rotated among hockey playoffs, promotions, and crazy people trying to tear down institutions.

  • Didn’t We Learn That in Elementary School?

    A record 213 men formed up at 6 a.m. for the latest edition of The Dogpile (officially a pop-up stop on the Summer Tour). Temperatures were 70 and sunny. With UpChuck’s 9th Anniversary on offer, the PAX were treated to a menage of many YHC’s favorite Q’s from other PAX members over the years. To start, the PAX were given two choices: 1 hour of pain (beatdown) or 100 miles of pain (ride). 13 choose the beat down, and one (Florence) was FIFO (first-in, first-out, in his PC). Sorry to miss you, my brother. 200 chose the ride. According to the ladies sporting a contact high while cleaning up the Amphitheater, the following might have happened.

    Slaughter Starter: 5 burpees.

    Mosey to grassy area, wait, dodge some cyclists, wait, dodge some more cyclists, and then, wait, dodge some more cyclists between the normal circle and the Great Lawn for the COP.

    COP:

    100 SSHs (4 count).
    Dead man hang. Fudd’s wife, right leg, left leg, pigeon (left / right), Wilson’s wife, Fudd’s wife.
    Hand release merkins (20)
    Copperhead squats
    LBCs
    Flutter kicks
    The PAX was put on notice that this was a “Leroy Jenkins” friendly workout. Courtesy of Splinter, at any point during the hour, each PAX member can – one time – call “Leroy Jenkins” and the PAX then run as a group to the center of the large traffic circle.

    Mosey 40 feet closer to the Carillon for Touch-a-Tree (courtesy of several prior Qs). This never disappoints. 9 years of q-ing…same questions…3 partners, touch 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2 trees…and so forth.

    Leroy Jenkins called at least once.

    Mosey to the Carillon for a non-traditional Dora (again, a Q favorite over the years). 50 merkins (each), 200 flutters (4 count), and 300 SSHs (ultimately 2 count). This was a test, for sure. The warm, humid air took it out of the PAX, but they persisted. And, they called “Leroy Jenkins” at several points.

    Mosey to the Amphitheater for “Self Destruction,” courtesy of Circle K and his children. Starting at the bottom, the PAX did 1 merkin, 1 monkey humper, and 1 v-up at the first step, then did one additional rep of each exercise as they progressed up the Amphitheater. 2, 3, 4, 5, and so forth. EF Hutton commented that “V-ups are the Devil’s Exercise.”

    Four guys called “Leroy Jenkins” simultaneously towards the end. Whew!

    The PAX moseyed back to the virtual shovel flag for the COT. Numbers, names, and YHC took us out with a message of thanks to the PAX for nine years of support, friendship, patience, and good humor. You all are wonderful.

    Announcements:

    Some dudes are eating hot dogs together at lunch on Tuesday. Join them.

    Breaking Bread this month…for those newer to F3, each of us should take a turn at this. F3RVA has hosted this on the fourth weekend of every month for 9 years. 9 years. This is our collective volunteer event. We always want / need new people to become involved. With 24 nights per year, we should be able to staff this quite easily. We need men to step up! See Oyster for details.

    The Bridge continues on July 13. Whitesnake is leading. This is our opportunity to share F3 with ALL men…including those who are transitioning from prison to gen pop (where the rest of us live). These guys are working hard to change their lives, and we want you to be a part of that effort. For some, this is an effort to help a group in need; for others, this is a great opportunity to pick up Jesus’ call to “visit the imprisoned.” Regardless of your motivation, let’s do this! Contact Whitesnake for details.

    NMS:

    Soupy today. But, out of the soup came two men new to F3RVA.

    Loose Lips joined us on a visit from Columbus, OH. He’s in the area for a few days, and he expects to be back every now and again. Cool to meet someone in the office furniture business!

    Hitch brought an FNG to the beatdown (in addition to the 200 FNGs at the ride) today as well. After confirming with the Pickelball leadership that they do not believe attending PB on Monday merits a name, today was Josh’s first official F3 workout. Upon hearing the discussion of whether he had a nickname, he matter of factly said the following. “You can’t give yourself a nickname. Didn’t we learn that in elementary school?” So true, and indeed, most of us did. He will fit in quite well around here. But, YHC digresses…after a long discussion that included 80s dance music references (or 90s?), the band ABC, Kris-Kross (Jump, Jump!), and several other references, the PAX settled on “Applesauce.” Welcome, Applesauce!

    Also, 200 FNGs for the ride. YHC thanks EF Hutton for his help with naming each of them.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • My Legs Don’t Work

    10 dudes, sporting 20 working legs and 2 failing legs, ran (or rode) into the “GLORIOUS” morning for the latest edition of Sunday Funday. Temperatures remained stable at precisely 70 and sunny. According to the same young lady running with her dog, the following disparate routes might have happened:

    Sunday Funday often starts with a question: “What time does the 7 o’clock run start?” Yep, time to mosey.

    The main pack did the Bridge (not THAT Bridge, but nonetheless a bridge) across to Buttermilk, then east to Belle Isle. Roll over the river. Back on The North Bank. 6.6 miles.

    YHC turned tail prior to Belle Isle and, like the Three Wise Men of lore, returned home by another route, that being the service road along the railroad tracks.

    Swiper swiped a route that started earlier and ended later.

    TYA rode around in circles.

    Somewhere in France, Saab (not pictured) ran at least 10 miles on French roads.

    Pita ran further on 4 legs than most of the PAX ran on 2.

    Numbers, names, and YHC took us out.

    NMS: Discussion today centered on a key topic for many parents of juniors / seniors in high school: how to make the “right” college selection for each kid based on academic interests, acceptances, financing, and individual preferences. All the best to those facing such choices this week.

    Announcements:

    Overnight 2nd Inaugural, Semi-Decennial Century Classic is Friday night starting at 6:00 p.m. Most teams will run until 9:30 / 10:00 a.m. Saturday, except Hutton’s team, which expects to finish prior to dawn Saturday.

    The Bridge had a solid re-opening this weekend. Look for the Backblast from Corned Beef shortly.

    Hermes has the Q at The Bridge on May 10. Let’s go!

  • The Bridge is Back – Be a High Impact Man

    The Bridge is Back – Be a High Impact Man

    The Bridge is back. Time to make an impact.

    F3 RVA joins forces with F3 Charlottesville to help support The Bridge Ministry. This is a facility in Buckingham where men in crisis (meaning: men transitioning from the prison system or trying to stay out of prison)learn the skills needed to integrate back into society. HVAC, plumbing, vehicle repairs, electrical, carpentry, construction, and so forth. These crafts all offer methods of building men who can make a strong, positive impact in their communities.

    F3 RVA (and Amelia) has 6 sets of guys ready to lead (and we are always open to more). At any time, reach out to Heist, Hardywood, TYA, Whitesnake, Corned Beef, TYA, or UpChuck for details on how to join and when. And, we are always interested in expanding – if you are looking to build your leadership skills and make a tangible impact, let us know. We’d be happy to have another dedicated man join this team of leaders.

    Here are the upcoming dates:

    April 26 Corned Beef has the Q.

    May 10 Hermes has the Q.

    In the course of one short morning, you’ll hit all 3 F’s, and you’ll make some friends in the process.

    Transportation is OYO, with a heavy emphasis on Clown Cars. The Bridge starts at 7:30 a.m. sharp in Buckingham, so figure about an hour car ride. Beat down is 7:30 to 8:15 a.m. Coffeeteria is on-site until about 8:45/9:00. The ride back often includes a stop for breakfast with arrival back around 10:30 / 11 a.m. Boom!

    So, pick a date, reach out to the Q, make a commitment to attend, and make an impact (on someone else).

    Let’s do this!

  • Where’s My Hat?

    The Great 8 skated to another win over the Fart Sack in the latest edition of The Hoedown. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the guy with a light in his pocket, the following might have happened:

    Mosey to the street, grass, circle, grass, steps, and grass for the COP.

    100 SSHs
    Dead Man Hang
    Fudd’s Wife
    Right Leg High, then pigeon
    Wilson’s Wife
    Fudd’s Wife
    Left leg high, then pigeon
    HRMs
    LBCs
    Flutters
    Box Cutters
    Imperial Walkers

    Mosey Across Forest to the 3rd Church (Don’t you dare call it Third Presbyterian)

    Partner Up. Dora 1-2-3. Each man does 50 ‘mercans, then the team does 100 4-count flutter kicks, and 200 SSHs. 3 boo-yah ‘mercans with each transition.

    Mosey to the front of the school. Elevens. ‘Mercans and squats. Try to pick the right tree, or run to the bottom of the stairs, you choose. Reverse crunches for the six.

    Mosey to various spots on the front lawn. Circle up. Do things like WWIIs, flutter kicks, hello dolly, and so forth.

    Mosey BTTVSF. Numbers, names, and YHC took us out.

    Announcements:

    Joey’s Hot Dogs. Tuesday. Noon.

    3rd F Opportunities:

    As mentioned recently in the interview with Dark Helmet that many of us read (and which was posted on Slack), the 3rd F is not about religion, but about getting yourself right with the world around you (for some folks, this can be religious or religion might be a part of it). The key aspect is to contribute to things bigger than yourself. Many guys contribute extensively (and some guys…we would encourage them to join us, support us, and make an impact). Whichever you are, let’s go!

    Breaking Bread continues. For those newer to F3RVA, this is F3RVA’s long-time volunteer opportunity, going on about 9 years. If you haven’t taken the opportunity to contribute, check it out. Sign up on the Q Sheet, contact Oyster for directions, and make a difference.

    The Bridge is back…this is a transitional facility where guys moving from the prison system to the free world learn skills that will, hopefully, help them to earn a living and stay on the straight path. We had tremendous success this fall, and we’ll have dates for the spring shortly.

  • Thank you. Thank you. The Circus is in town.

    One very thankful, black t-shirt wearing American said thanks for the opportunity to celebrate 9 years and 5 months of The Clinic. Temperatures, thankfully, were 70 and sunny. According to the front desk clerk (thank you for staying, Mr. Upchuck), the following might have happened.

    Ran north thankful for the pleasant breeze. Then, Fudd at the office (thankful for the nice tp). Further north, until Broward, looped back and retraced the route. Just shy of 5.

    Number, name, and YHC took himself out.

    NMS – The Circus is in town, both metaphorically and actually. Anyone in the vicinity of the Westfield / Broward Mall Metroplex (Gumbo?) should come on out if you have the guts and / or the wrench set required to enjoy safely a circus carried on 20 tractor trailers. Sketchy.

    Question of the morning – which PAX member could you picture working at The Circus? Which ride / attraction?

    Announcements: already made.

  • 5@5

    1 ran 5 at 5.

  • Seventy

    One hit the mean streets of Plantation in the latest edition of The Clinic. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the Plantation police department staking out the La Quinta, the following, well, since they were watching the hotel, they have no idea what happened.

    Lake loop, cross Peters, parking lot (no fudd), 6th, Broward Mall, reverso at Broward and same route backwards back to the virtual shovel flag.

    Number, name, and YHC took himself out.

    Announcements / NMS:

    Wawa opened next to Starbuck’s. Talk about fighting inflation.

  • My Roommate Was Fired For Grabbing His Nuts While Taking a Pizza Order

    Four scored a block-tastic beat down before seven this morning at the latest edition of The Hoedown. Temperatures were 70 and sunny. According to the ladies learning to Zing Fit, the following saga will be proudly recounted:

    Form up at the white arrow. THIS white arrow, not over THERE.

    Run the loop, then the steps, then the weirdly angled handicap ramp that turns inexplicably into stairs and back to the wall.

    COP:

    SSH. Just one. Fail.

    SSHs. Just two. Fail.

    SSHs. 100 x 4 count. Mostly success, until YHC changed the cadence and threw everyone off. Q Fail.

    Dead Man Hang. Fudd’s Wife. Right leg high. Left leg high. Pigeon left. Pigeon right. Recover. Left leg over right. Right leg over left.

    Hand release merkins x20.

    WWIIs x10.

    Imperial Walkers x10.

    Mosey to the auxiliary to the secondary church parking lot at 3rd Church. (Fun Fact – Third Church officially ranks 7th in Virginia in the number of parking lots among suburban class AAA Presbyterian Churches, but only 28th in the number of parking spaces, giving it the smallest average number of spaces per lot in the assembled general presbyterian session. Yet, 3rd received an NPS of 79 in the quality of the parking.)

    Four Corners – Prostitute Style (Always come back to the same corner)

    Grab a block. Carry the block. Corner 1: 10 curls, then back to the start. One squat.

    Corner 1, 10 curls, then Corner 2, 20 bench presses. Then back to Corner 1, then back to home base (repeating the exercises). Veterans know the drill.

    Senor Frog mentioned the team that won the Super Terrible Bowl last night. Burpee. Each subsequent mention…burpee.

    Corner 3, overhead presses. Then YHC’s shoulder started to feel enough pain that it was time for an audible. (Good use of the F3 Q School Rule: if you can’t do it, don’t Q it.)

    Corner 4, squats. (And, Corner 3 updated to swings).

    Someone said the name of the Philthadelphia football team 3 times. 3 burpees.

    Then, someone mentioned Beagles and Snoopy. Well said.

    Mosey to the front of TES. Touch-a-tree.

    Round of 10: SSHs

    Round of 4: something else.

    Round of 2: (Run to the trees…) merkins

    Round of 1: Burpees

    Mosey to the circle. Alabama Prom Dates until time.

    Numbers, names, and Hutton took us out with an invigorating prayer.

    Announcements: Frozen Triangle in 51 weeks.

    NMS: If you have a habit of grabbing your junk at work, which careers are appropriate for you?

    Not Appropriate: Clergy, medical provider, waiter at pizza parlor. Seriously, it will get you fired.

    Appropriate: football player (D-line, linebacker), baseball player (outfield)

    Never Appropriate: wavy haired, expertly tattooed, middle aged (yeah, I said it) man staring in the window of an office building before dawn.

    UpChuck spits the bit.