Author: Whitesnake

  • Whiteshake=no Burpees

    7 regulars and Slim Jim from F3 Shenandoah joined up on a nice cool morning and according to the guy putting down cones, we did the following:

    Moseyed to the front lot and warmed up with SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, IW, DQ, LBCs, Reverse Scorpions and Merkins.

    Moseyed to the Pemberton Elementary School bus loop, partnered up and on ran the loop while the other did HRM, then Flutters then Jump Squats.

    Moseyed to the back playground loop. New partner and BLIMPS–partner runs a lap while other does exercises: Bicycles, Lunges, Incline Merkins, Merkins, Plank Jacks, SSH.

    Back to Quioccasin and find a pole at the bus loop. 15 pole smokers, 15 donkey kicks, repeato.

    To the front of the school and the benches. Forgot our picnic lunch so instead did Dips, Bulgarian split squats & Decline merkins. Rotated through twice and then moseyed to the Flag.

    A little time for some Mary. Did WW2s, Flutters and Reverse Crunches.

    Great to have Slim Jim join us. https://www.f3shenandoah.com/ doing some great things and worth the look if you are the Winchester area.

    Thanks for letting me leave. No Hills and No Burpees, until next time…

  • Seckora Airplane

    Seckora Airplane

    According to the White Rabbit that was running in the woods:

    One swing makes you larger, and one swing makes you small, And the ones that White Deer gives you, sometimes don’t do anything at all. Go ask White Deer, when he’s ten feet tall.

    And if you go chasing kettlebells, And you know you’re going to fall, Tell them a workout, filled with exercises, White Deer did call. Call White Deer, when he was just small (5′ 6″).

    When the participants get up and he tells you where to crawl, And you’ve just had some kind of weird twist exercise And Atilla’s ass is crying out for more.

    Go ask White Deer. I think he’ll know. When little logic and thinking to a set of canoe exercises he will call And the Whitesnake is assigned the write-up and the rest still want off with my head (from last week).

    Remember what the kettlebell said, Feed your head, feed your head.

    According to the text I got from White Deer, the song can be replaced with a warm up of SSH, DQ, Squats, Merkins, Freddies, Partner leg tosses (straight and then side to side). Then we went around the circle as a rotating pax kettlebell bear crawled while the others did presses, curls, halos, some silly twist, high pulls and 360s.

    Before the dumb canoes, we did another timer rotation where one person ran to a sign and back while the others rotated through snatches, mower pulls, swings, squats, sit&press, bench press, overhead pulls and curls.

  • Four Notch?

    Three on time pax and another racing in after going to Gridiron by accident, took off in search of the famous three notch markings on King’s Highway.

    As we entered the Three Notch neighborhood, the Pax realized we’ve never been to the closest neighborhood to the AO.

    Made of 3 cul-de-sacs, we warmed up in one and the ran to the next and started a round of 3 exercises. Starting with 20 merkins at the first, added 20 squats and the second and then added 20 reverse crunches at the third. We repeated the sequence with 20 lbcs, then added 20 HRM and then added 20 heals to heaven.

    We then left Three Notch and went to Short Pump Park. At the Pavilion, we did 20 step ups (each leg) and 20 dips, did a lap and then 20 incline merkins and then 20 dips. No tree markings there but plenty of others at the dog park.

    We then ran into the village to get some more distance in and back to the AO at 3 miles.

    It was a warm sweaty morning. The theme was 3s, even though Lighthouse showed up to mess it up. He must have been thinking Gridiron because he was considering signing up as Q…

  • It was Burptacular!

    Three simple kettlebell exercises: squat thrusters, high pulls, & swings broken up by burpees.

    Start with 10 and work our way down to 1. For example, 10 thrusters, 10 burpees, 10 high pulls, 10 burpees, 10 swings, 10 burpees. Then 9,8….

    End up with 55 of each kettlebell exercise and 165 burpees. Modify as needed. Simple, yes, easy, not so much.

    Beforehand we did some warmups and after the Burptacular we finished with two rounds of partner squats and runs. And we still had time for some Mary: Freddie’s, APDs & reverse crunches (aka work all gas out of your system).

    Not sure the pax is still talking to me but that’s what I get for browsing the web and thinking the Burptacular was a good idea.

  • Ten Dancing Fools

    A lovely spring morning brought ten John Travolta wanna-be’s to a Hoedown. According to Uma Thurman dancing through EF Huton’s head, it went something like this:

    Moseyed to the upper blacktop, ran a lap and then circled up for some warmups of SSH, Hillbillies, Ukrainian Soldiers, DQs, Deadman hang to Cherry Pickers, Freddie Mercuries, Mercury Freddie’s, LBCs and a pencil role to merkins.

    We then lined up for some square dancing (four corners) starting with 10 donkey kicks, 20 squats, 30 Shoulder Taps, 40 SSH (Doing every exercise on the way back). Had so much fun and did it again with 10 HRM, 20 WWII, 30 LBCs, 40 Hammers.

    Everyone was starting to get their groove on and the imaginary music moved us to do the burpee shuffle. Ten burpees, then shuffle half way down the blacktop, then nine and shuffle back—all the way down to one. 55 total burpees. The Pax loved it. There was time to do it again but I went against the pax and took us down to the loop and did two rounds of a triple check—run the loop, people’s chair with air press and merkins.

    Accused of not being creative enough, I had us partner up and do a Bro-Burpee. This is the hot new dance coming to an AO near you.

    We circled up and finished with a burpee ring of fire—went around 3 times. Senior Frog may still be there doing burpees as he wouldn’t stop.

    The pax started the morning complaining about their Saturday workout and they transitioned to complaining about mine by the end. Mission accomplished.

    Announcements: EF Huton has the best pork loin in Richmond according to the lucky receivers of his Breaking Bread food. Sign up to top his loin.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • Dumpster route

    A trio from the far west end followed the garbage man this morning and according the smell, we did the following:

    We followed the garbage truck from Pocahontas to Short Pump Park and did some warmups under the Pavilion-SSH, Ukrainian Soldiers, IW, Merkins, LBCs and Flutters.
    We then went to the Pergola courtyard and did some triple checks. First one: timer does the small loop, others do HRM and Squats. Second: timer runs to pavilion wall and back, others do dips and incline merkins—we shared a bench even though there were many to use—we are the cutest. We finished with 11s: WWII and 4 count flutters. Started with bear crawling up and down the courtyard, evolved to lunges, jogging and crab walk. We then headed home.

    Came in 2 minutes late. I did not charge extra. Only did 2.4 miles but Lighthouse gave me a pass because of the bear crawls.

    Prayers to all those suffering and fighting through cancer.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • The hottest club in Short Pump is back!

    The hottest club in Short Pump is back!

    Buckle up and put on your avocado toast helmets because I’ve got the hottest insider scoop on the reopening of the 2023 sensation hitting the 2024 nightlife scene: Brunch Club!

    Picture this: a kaleidoscope of mimosa fountains, DJ Bootylicious Bagel spinning beats that make your pancakes flip, and a dance floor where every move is an ode to the sacred art of brunching. It’s like if Coachella and a pancake house had a love child, and that child grew up to be the reigning monarch of morning revelry. This place has everything, brunch-goers in onesies, drag queens in pancake makeup, and even a group of seniors breakdancing like it’s their last hurrah. Need atmosphere? Picture this: a DJ booth made out of smashed avocado and a dance floor that’s funkier than day-old hollandaise sauce. And the crowd? Oh, honey, it’s a mix of brunch aficionados and breakfast rebels, sipping cocktails with names you can’t pronounce and wearing sunglasses indoors like it’s a fashion statement.


    Now, let’s talk about the fabulous trio that’s been causing a stir at Brunch Club. First up, we’ve got Gypsy. Gypsy is like the human embodiment of a sunrise over the city skyline, with a side of extra crispy bacon. His moves on the dance floor are like poetry in motion, effortlessly blending yoga poses with disco fever. Then there’s Whitesnake, who pretends his hair is as wild as his spirit. Picture a cross between a breakdancing unicorn, an a 80s rockstar, and a former child actor who still regrets going to the ALF auditions drunk. And last but certainly not least, we have Lighthouse. Lighthouse is the guiding beacon of the Brunch Club scene, always shining bright with his infectious energy and killer dance moves that could rival the sunrise itself.


    Oh, but wait, the drama at Brunch Club doesn’t stop at the dance floor. No, no, no. Gypsy, the enigmatic trailblazer of the trio, recently led us on a wild adventure that left our brunch boots shaking and our mimosa glasses empty. Yes, Gypsy made us run, and run far beyond the city limits and into the sunrise, chasing some elusive brunch nirvana. But fear not, because out of that epic journey emerged something truly spectacular: the Gypsy Road. Let’s just say it’s like trying to twerk with a stack of pancakes on your head—absurd, absurdly messy, and definitely not FDA-approved. Some call it a cross between the Running Man and a conga line, performed on a floor made of waffles. Not the good kind of waffles, but the ones I like to find in the dumpster behind a Waffle House at 3AM. But hey, that’s the beauty of Brunch Club: where the mimosas flow freely, the bacon sizzles, and the dance moves leave you questioning your life choices and your dignity in equal measure.


    And as the hangovers loom larger than yesterday’s omelette, we bid adieu to another wild morning at Brunch Club. Remember, as you stumble out the door with a belly full of regret and a murse full of leftover bacon, brunch isn’t just a meal—it’s a way of life. So until next time, keep your mimosas bottomless, your pancakes fluffy, and your dance moves questionable.

  • Where’s Baldo?

    Where’s Baldo?

    Eight joined up this morning for some running and/or walking and/or exercises around the school. We ran north up Pump and stayed left on (old) Pump, took a left on Robson, left on Sable, left on Waterford, left on Church and came back either via Glen Eagles or Pump. 5 miles if you went back Glen Eagles.

    At coffee, we talked about testicles, disposable camera pranks and a future best seller which is either a book filled with lots of photos of nuts and you need to search for a particular pair or a more true variation of Where’s Waldo but Waldo is hanging brain and you need to find his red and white striped balls. And as I think of it, our route looked like a couple of weirdly shaped balls. So where is Baldo anyway and is he wearing pants?

  • Missing

    Missing

    Seven could have been eight this morning. But my ex co-conspirator White Deer text me this morning that “White deer and cold rain don’t mix”. That left me mad and I took it out on the pax.

    We warmed up with 20 SSH and then got all nice and wet with some Susan Summers. With both sides all damp to the glee of all, we did merkins in cadence (13 count, not 10). Then did arm circles, DQs and moseyed to the school.

    Partnered up (where was mine?) at the covered bus pickup and one partner ran the courtyard triangle doing 5 burpees halfway while the other did an exercise. We did two sets of HRM, LBCs & Lt Dans. After getting to 30 burpees we moseyed to the basketball courts.

    In celebration of UR beating VCU, we did four corners and hit every exercise on the way back. Ten burpees, 20 Squats, 30 Plank Jacks and 40 SSH was at each corner. After getting to 40 more burpees and finding a crushed milk carton, we moseyed to the tennis courts.

    This is where White Deer took over. Oh wait… We shuffled up and down both sides of the courts that confused some and felt too painful for others and then did a shuttle run doing 5 burpees at the end of each court. We learned that the courts are not level as the water got deeper the closer you got to the woods. The last 5 burpees (for those that did them) were in a couple inches of brown water. After 20 more burpees total we did a long mosey to the front of the school.

    We partnered up again and one ran around the front loop while the other did some ab work. Did this four times with Crunchy Frogs (or hand claps for some), Reverse Crunches, Flutters and LBCs. Moseyed to the pavilion near the football field and did dips until the 6 arrived. Then we did 20 dips and 20 incline merkins, then 15 then 10. With a few minutes left we circles up and did ten burpees. Got us to 100 for the day! We also did 2.4 miles!! Great job everybody.

    Announcements: 2nd F this Tuesday at Firehouse Subs at noon. Gypsy is collected facial hair for the Merkin Society of Philadelphia. Grow Ruck in May.

  • Die Hard 2: Die Harder

    Ten strong this morning (including a returning Gypsy) suffered through my sequel to the Christmas time Die Hard workout. I like my themes and had no good new ideas, so why not do a sequel! It was clear many of the Pax have not seen this classic 1990 movie which is sad. It is a must watch.

    Before getting to the main dish, we hit the track and did a lap of indigenous people run/walk. Main qualifier was that we do it correctly-only one runner at a time or we would have a 5 burpee penalty. All was fine until Mr. Rogers wanted us to do burpees and broke the rules. We then ran to the top of Heartbreak Ridge for warmups: 25 SSH, 20 Hillbillies, 20 Merkins, 20 LBCs, 20 Freddies, maybe something else.

    Before you see a sequel, you need a refresher on the original. We did 10 down/up the hill runs to remind us what it was like to climb Nakatomi Plaza.

    Then a Die Hard 2 trivia question. No one knew the answer “Just the fax” so we did 5 more hill runs with escalating Burpees (1-5). We then worked on our flying skills with some Bat Wings (20 arm circles forward, 20 backward, 20 seal claps, 20 overhead claps–keeping the arms up at all times). We passed the flight test so took a break from Nakatomi Plaza and went to the baseball field for some partner exercises.

    One partner ran the bases, other did Squats (3 rounds) WWII (3 rounds) and after a successful Die Hard 2 Trivia question, we did it again with HRM (3 rounds).

    We did one last flight of Nakatomi Plaza and then hit the football field. We made two lines to create a runway for the planes running out of gas and ran to the 50, 5 burpees, high knees to the end, Bernie back and had time to do it again. One line was great, the other a mess but no planes crashed.

    Total of 2.1 miles today. Less miles than when Handshake got us lost offsite down Shane Road. Similar level of complaints.

    It was a honor to lead this morning.

    I will steal some quotes from the movie to express the opinion of the Pax:

    Whitesnake: You’re the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    Handshake: Story of my life.

    Lighthouse: Oh man, I can’t fucking believe this. Another hill, another burpee. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?

    Whitesnake: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

    “Die Hard with a Vengeance” coming to a AO near you, sometime in the future…