Author: Whitesnake

  • Tunnel Vision

    Just like Magellan, Leif Erikson, & James Cook before us, the WTH group of three went on a dangerous expedition. This one was to find the rumored Wellesley tunnel. After almost a mile and half of running, we discovered an unusual entrance hidden beneath the roots of an ancient oak tree. The entrance, covered by invisible thick vines and moss, seemed to lead to an underground tunnel. Unable to resist the allure of the unknown, the trio decided to explore. Descending into the mysterious tunnel, we found ourselves in a dimly lit passage adorned with symbols and carvings, hinting at a rich history. The air was cool, and the echo of their footsteps filled the chamber as we delved deeper into the hidden world beneath their feet.

    At the other end was what looked like a weird assembly of four fenced in prison camps. They were empty, minus some netting and brooms that must be from some ancient torture. Feeling like we were being watched, we did some warmups of Helicopters, Don Quixote’s, Ukrainian Soldiers and Cherry Pickers. Then, to confuse the locals, we ran up and down the outside of the fences, forming an “H” and did a total of 100 WWIIs, 100 Squats and 25 burpees. Worried about whether we could find our way back alive, we ran back through the cold tunnel and made a brief short cut. We ran back and totaled 3.3 miles. We finished with 25 Flutters and 25 Hand Release Merkins before departing in our shuttles back home. Another successful WTH mission.

  • Oh Susanna

    6 strong showed up this morning and we celebrated some of the lesser known Jan 13th holidays. And we sang a little bit so you can too.

    (To the tune of “Oh Susanna” in honor of Stephen Foster Memorial Day)


    Oh, in the F3 bootcamp morning, we gathered with a cheer,
    Doing warm-ups and stretches, getting ready for what’s near.
    Triple check of Alabama Prom Dates, we were on our way,
    Followed by Alabama Ass Kickers and a runner, 5 burpees, hooray!

    Spelling BANJO at the corners, a workout quite unique,
    10 Burpees, then Alternating shoulder taps, the challenge was to peak.
    Never cross dolly’s, plank Jacks, and Outlaws in the mix,
    4 corners, 5 times, feeling like a workout fix.

    Duck walks for Rubber Ducky Day, up and down we go,
    Then celebrating Make Your Dream Come True Day, partners in tow.
    Traditional Dora, we pushed ourselves to the brim,
    Moseyed back for dips and burpees, the energy within.

    For National Sticker Day, a quirky celebration,
    20 dips, 10 burpees minus car stickers, our dedication.
    Rotating with Bulgarian squats, feeling strong and fit,
    Moseyed back to the flag, for Mary, a final bit.

    In the F3 bootcamp, we pushed ourselves with glee,
    Celebrating days, working out, a community so free.
    With burpees, dips, and laughter, we made our spirits soar,
    Oh, F3 bootcamp mornings, we’ll be back for more!

  • Really, really, really ridiculously good looking

    Three of the most dedicated WTH models and YHC got together this morning in Short Pump for some fun and to perfect the Blue Steel pose. I wore my new shirt yesterday but everyone else wore them today. Lighthouse was wearing his new orange F3 shirt and apologized “I’m sorry that good looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.” Pinto, with his new shirt, gave us some backstory: “Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.”

    We took off for Short Pump Park and the Pavilion for some warmups. After that we did some AMRAPs as the timer ran the loop. We did squats, step ups, SSH, Dips, American Hammers, LBCs, Dolly’s and HRM. After we were done, we did them all again as a group (ten count) so everyone got to do all the exercises. We then ran up Pump and across to the Nissan lot. In the lot we ran up and down the lot a couple times and did a total of 20 Burpees.

    We then ran back to Pocahontas middle and hit the track for one lap before getting back to the start. 2.9 miles total. Not hitting 3 miles made everyone upset. If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t ruin our day by not hitting 3 miles at WTH.

    As we broke off, Pigskin, wearing his new shirt for the second day in a row, was off to a morning of volunteering and left us with these important words: “At the Pigskin Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking.” Wise words indeed.

  • Animals, Tight Shorts and Bunny Farts

    Once upon a time, in the heart of the enchanted woods, there lived a majestic White Deer named Ivory. Ivory was no ordinary deer; he possessed a magical aura that attracted creatures from all corners of the forest. One day, as Ivory gracefully roamed through the emerald foliage, he stumbled upon a peculiar clearing where six unique animals awaited him. These newfound friends were Whitesnake, a wise and elegant snake; Lighthouse, a luminescent firefly with a beacon-like glow; Pigskin, a playful and skinny boar; Johnsonville, a swift and spirited squirrel; Atilla, an adventurous rabbit, and Mr. Rogers, a gentle and wise owl.

    Intrigued by the diversity of his newfound companions, Ivory, sporting super tight shorts that showcased his athleticism, decided to add a touch of humor to their workout routine. With a twinkle in his eye, Ivory rolled a special weighted die to determine not only the exercises but also the comedic sound effects that would accompany them.

    As the workout commenced, Atilla couldn’t help but unleash a series of endearing bunny farts that resonated through the clearing, adding an unexpected element of amusement. Whitesnake, despite his lack of limbs, gracefully slithered through the air, mimicking the kettlebell swings, while Lighthouse’s glow intensified with each repetition, casting a radiant light that highlighted Ivory’s super tight shorts.

    While the forest echoed with laughter, Johnsonville, the spirited squirrel, couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. The tight shorts that accentuated Ivory’s every move had become a center of attention, drawing eyes away from Johnsonville’s acrobatic prowess. Determined to reclaim the spotlight, Johnsonville leaped and flipped through the branches with even more gusto, unleashing a symphony of playful squirrel squeaks that demanded notice.

    Pigskin, reveling in the boisterous atmosphere, joined the fun by rolling and tumbling with infectious laughter. Mr. Rogers, the wise owl, hooted with amusement, and Ivory, with his tight shorts, led the group with a combination of grace and humor.

    As the morning passed, Ivory and his magical friends navigated through the humor, occasional jealousy, and camaraderie. The clearing became a haven of laughter, positive energy, and newfound wildness, and the magical exercises, complete with their charming sound effects, brought out the best in each creature.

    As the animals departed for coffee, the enchanted woods fell silent, and a ghostly figure materialized. It was the spectral presence of Mills E. Godwin, a former governor from another time and place. With a mysterious smile, he gazed upon the woodland scene, and in a whisper, he wondered aloud, “Did any of this truly happen, or was it all just a dream?”

    As the ghostly figure of Mills E. Godwin pondered the reality of the magical adventures, the enchanted woods shimmered, leaving the answer to this whimsical tale hanging in the balance. The dreamlike quality of the story lingered, leaving the characters and their laughter suspended in the mystical realm between reality and the imagination. And with that, the story of Ivory and his magical friends, the tight shorts, the bunny farts, and the playful squirrel squeaks faded away, leaving the ghost of Mills E. Godwin to contemplate the mysteries of the enchanted woods.

  • Die Hard is a Christmas movie

    Tater thought he could take it to a vote, but as Q, I both break the 4-4 tie and also get to declare whatever I want!

    It has been 35 years since that fateful Christmas Eve that resulted in the loss of innocent lives and severe damage to Nakatomi Plaza. We honored the courage of John McLane today by climbing Nakatomi.

    After some warmup, we ran up (and down) the hill ten times. Handshake led the grumbling.

    Almost a third of the way to the roof, we did another ten but added a merkin at the top, eventually doing ten merkins the last time.

    More grumbling. We got lucky and ran into an innocent bystander on the 20th floor. So we partnered up and did 10 combined. One ran while the partner did WWIIs (and switch).

    30 floors up we were getting too close to Hans Gruber and his crew. We had to hit the air ducts for two floors and so bear crawled up twice. We ran the last three floors and successful got to the 35th floor.

    We were not done as all the innocent partygoers were on the roof. We bear crawled one last time and then shot our machine guns up in the air to scare off the copters and get the partygoers to run back downstairs.

    We successfully saved the employees. Unfortunately the helicopters were not as lucky, but we did not like the FBI guys anyway.

    In celebration, we ran to the football field and did 2 rounds of ten burpees, run to the 50 and 25 squats.

    Everyone was very happy to have come to such a fun workout. But in case I missed a complaint or two and I have two comments:

    1. Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.
    2. Yippee-kiy-yay motherfucker!

  • A Festivus for the rest of us

    Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my daughter. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. What happened to the doll? It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us.

    Nine great men joined together a couple days early to celebrate. Before I went over the 5 key parts to F3, I mean Festivus, we did some warmups in honor of my favorite Seinfeld episode that featured opposite George. Because if every instinct I have is wrong, the opposite would have to be right. We did some reverse arm circles (10 big then 5 small), then some forward, then some Mercury Freddies followed by reverse scorpion kicks. We flipped over on our belly and did some reverse flutters and finished with the bell and some reverse merkins (presses).

    We reviewed as a group the 5 principles of Festivus. 1) There is an aluminum pole with no decorations (I find tinsel distracting). The pole was proudly displayed on the sidewalk 2) It begins with the airing of grievances 3) Their is a meal 4) It ends with the Feats of Strength and 5) Be on the lookout for a Festivus miracle(s).

    The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with some exercises and now you’re gonna hear about it. We went around the circle and announced what exercise we had a problem with and then we all did 20 of such exercise. I started. I have a problem with sit and presses on pavement as it gives me a tramp stamp. So we did 20. While likely not 100% accurate, I think we then went with Fireman Ed having a problem with Halos, Byproduct having a big dislike for Overhead Pulls, Offshore had a problem with American Hammers, Pigskin with Bearcrawling with the bell, Fudd has a problem with Merkins using the bell with one hand and alternating each hand with each merkin, Attila and his back have a problem with swinging (that’s what she said), White Deer dislikes plank rows and Johnsonville has a problem with overhead presses. 180 counts later, we were done. We bonded as a family telling these 9 exercises how they disappointed us over the past year.

    We then had an AMRAP meal. One member of the pax ran to the pole, did 3 burpees and ran back while the group did an exercise. We did 3 rounds of curls, lawnmower pulls, WWII, bear crawl/crawl bear, rifle carry, squats, OH press and flutters with bell. Between rounds we ran around the bus loop.

    All right, everyone. It’s time for the Festivus feats of strength. I used cones to create a small square field for the competition. Each member would duck walk with hands behind our back and try to knock over each pax. Using your hands is illegal and you must stay inbounds. Last man “standing” wins. Let’s rumble!! Nine went down to four as Attila, Offshore, Fireman Ed, Fudd and Pigskin all were eliminated. The final four of Byproduct, White Deer, Johnsonville and YHC faced off. Johnsonville eliminated Byproduct while YHC found White Deer distracted by the lights and knocked him down in an upset. Johnsonville and YHC then faced off.

    Fireman Ed: I think you can take him, Whitesnake
    Whitesnake: Hey, come on. Be sensible.
    Johnsonville: Stop crying and fight!
    Whitesnake: Oh, oh I give. I give! (Johnsonville charged and forced me to go out of bounds)
    Johnsonville: This is the best Festivus ever!

    There were a few Festivus miracles identified. Johnsonville at Circus was definitely one. Attila not making any jokes about the “pole” was another. I think the biggest was having nine pax. There were nine seasons of Seinfeld! And we did 180 reps during our grievances and there were 180 episodes!

    Following the COT, many of us went to Starbucks to celebrate Johnsonville’s victory. I awarded him a certificate showing a donation made in his name to the Human Fund! Congrats!!

    I hope Festivus scratched you right where it itches. I put the pole back in the crawl space and it will be back next year.

  • Defectors, Traitors or Lost?

    Four regulars showed up and were thankful for no rain . Pigskin stayed back to circle and protect Pocahontas while the three runners took a new WTH path. A left on John Rolfe had them venture South and then back North on Pump until they got to North Gayton Baptist. As they began a 4 corners of 10 Merkins, 20 WWIIs, 30 Hammers and 40 Squats, they heard some recognizable mumble chatter from behind and then were confronted by Gypsy and Mr. Rogers (and dog) running ON THEIR OWN!!

    Gypsy helped start WTH many years ago and Mr. Rogers had been a recent recurring attendee. And now they go off on their own!?! Our new route clearly caught them by surprise. I can hear the excuses now: “I am prepping for some silly race and sub 4 minute miles”, “My hair is too cool for WTH”, “I am too busy preparing for an Apocalypse that also involves lots of flowers”, “My dog does not do merkins”, etc.

    That’s OK. The three loyalists continued on and did a triple check at the park with dips, incline merkins and running a lap for the timer. We did this twice and were running against time. We ran back to the start and did ten burpees for fun. We got 3.5 miles in plus the exercises and then caught up with Pigskin for some announcements and prayers. Prayers for Pinto and Lighthouse as they have some I-95 fun. Pigskin and I should be at the Convergence tomorrow. Gypsy and Mr. Rogers are welcomed back to WTH anytime, after they each write “WTH is my home” five hundred times on the blackboard.

  • Still time to vote??

    Pocahontas middle school was still open for eight late voters today.

    Blue Moon voted to do some track work as he comes back from knee surgery.

    Pigskin voted to do laps around the school with 200 merkins, 200 dips and then four stops with 20 reps of different ab exercises.

    The rest of us (6, including guest Cappuccino) ran away from the pollsters and went to Short Pump Park. They did whatever I asked including warmups of DQ, Hillbillys, Cherry Pickers, Merkins and Freddies. I then used my platform of “the government is running in circles” to get 80 merkins in (4 sets of 20 with 4 laps in-between). I then promised a triple check and the team fulfilled the promise with a running timer, dips and step ups. The power was going to my head so we ran to the Nissan dealer and we did 5 burpees at every red car. There were 8 red cars in total. BTW, there was only one blue car (and a hundred + white or grey cars). We know what that means: car colors are boring. If elected, I promise more cool car colors!!

    We ran back to the flag and did a run of the bus loop to get to 3 miles. While we voted differently to start the morning, we circled up as one brotherhood for some announcements and prayers.

    Thanks for letting me lead.

  • 5th time’s not a charm

    Ten strong warriors and White Deer came to my 5th Q in a row this week. Pigskin and Lighthouse were at all five and one of them paid for it.

    The Pax requests to go straight to coffee started before 7 but the 11 endured the following first:

    Warmups of SSH, DQ, Cherry Pickers, Arm circles, LBCs, Candy Corns

    Dora to show off to the 2 playing pickleball: 100 merkins, 200 squats, 300 LBCs with partner running to the end of the courts and back

    Mosey to the lit soccer fields to then be chased down by a lady in a golf cart telling us we must leave.

    Mosey to the frosted football field for a double quarter pounder: 1st time: 25 merkins, 50 reverse crunches, 75 mountain climbers (single count), 100 SSH: bernie back to goal line after doing each exercise at the appropriate yard line. 2nd time: 25 HRM, 50 American Hammers (single count), 75 Bobby Hurleys, 100 Candy Corns (ouch).

    Crab walk ten yards, ten WWIIs, repeat to the 50. Bear Crawl ten yards, 5 merkins, repeat to the goal line. Hands nice and cold now.

    Burpee ladder back. (this is when the Pax told me that liked me better when I was injured) 1 Burpee at ten yard line, 2 at twenty yard line, all the way to 10 (55 in total).

    Ran a lap around the field and then back to the start for 5 minutes of Mary.

    Did some Freddies, Flutters and LBCs until the end.

    Circled up, did some prayers and then Pigskin wanted more attention and got light headed and needed some help from the Pax. It was a combination of the cold, the tough workout and maybe a smidge of him being 70. He felt better after some water, coffee and banana bread (recommended by 4 out of 5 actors who play a Doctor on TV).

    I suspect Pigskin is doing some Balls to Wall at home now for fun.

  • Was she hot?

    Ten showed up on a cold morning and split up into three groups. Pigskin and Tonka ran around the school and did 200 merkins and likely dips, squats and other fun. A locked down track forced Gypsy, Gomer and Blue Moon to do a mix of running and walking around the parking lots. The remaining five “healthy” ones of me, Hutton, Handshake, Lighthouse & Mr. Rogers (and two dogs) did 5 miles that included Ridgefield to John Rolfe to Pump to Church to Lake Lorraine and back down Pump to Godwin. On the way up John Rolfe, we passed many quick female runners and the darkness had us assume they were all attractive. Hopefully, they assumed the same for us.

    A good group of 8 for coffeteria at Dunkin followed.