Author: Whitesnake

  • Heavy Metal Kettle II

    Seven cold warriors showed up for the annual rock concert. In what Fireman Ed called “the most awkward beginning to a workout”, I began with a poor reenactment of the beginning of the “I Wanna Rock” video. Was hoping to see White Deer for the “Slap your fat face” line but used Offshore instead. Thankfully, he did not attack me while I yelled in his face: “What do you want to do with your life?”

    The setlist:

    I Wanna Rock (Twisted Sister): warmups SSH, Arm circles, maybe something else

    Cum on Feel the Noise (Quiet Riot): High Pulls in verse, Swings when we rocked our boys

    Run to the Hills (Iron Maiden): Partner up. One runs to the hill and back, the other does overhead presses

    Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (AC/DC): Curls during the verses, Squat Thrusters to ” Done Dirt Cheap”

    Here I Go Again (Whitesnake): Sit and press during Chorus, Flutters with Bell during verses

    Shout at the Devil (Motley Crue): Squats during verse, Overhead Triceps on each “Shout”.

    Balls to the Wall (Accept): People’s chair with bell during verse, and you know what during Chorus

    Crazy Train (Ozzy): Single file lunges with bell, then Bear Crawl, then Crab Walk

    It’s So Easy (GnR): Lawn mower pulls in verse, High Pull Burpees (or burpee of your choice) when Its so Easy

    Round and Round (Rat): Ring of fire with Rifle Carry while each Pax chooses a ten count kettle exercise. Offshore heard it called a “Cusack” downrange.

    Time flew by for me, not sure about for anyone else. Thanks for letting me lead.

  • WTH Thriller

    Darkness falls across the land
    The 5:30 half hour is close at hand
    Five Creatures crawl in search of blood
    To terrorize the West Broad Village neighborhood
    And whosoever shall be found
    Without the soul for running up and down
    Must stand and face the Hounds of Hell
    And run inside a parking deck shell
    To the top we ran in the air
    The funk of four corners fear
    10 Merkins, 20 Plank Jacks from every tomb
    30 Squats and 40 Smurf Jacks to seal your doom
    And though you run up and down the stairs to stay alive
    And at the Gazebo your body dips and steps up & starts to shiver
    We finish with 35 merkins and 40 WIIs because we can’t resist
    The morning of the WTH thriller
    AH HA HA HA HA HA HA

  • Get on your hands and knees for my birthday

    Ten men showed up for some tricks and got no real treats except me. According to the guy running laps around the parking lot, we did the the following:

    Ran to the end of the lot and then did a right reverse turn to the center of the football field for warmups: treats of 20 SSH, 20 Ukrainian Hammers, 20 Don Q, 20 Bird Dogs, 25 Candy Corns.

    Stayed in the area for a round of shuttle runs/suicides with 10 Merkins at each stop with a final run of the full 100 with 12 Merkins at the end (52 treats in total)

    Hit the hill neighborhood hoping for full size candy bars and partnered up for safety. One partner ran to the top and then ran the bases on the baseball field and returned while the other did squats. 3X. No treats, just extra running.

    Split up the group at the bases. Home plate with a 5 burpee timer, 1st base Flutters, 2nd base WW2, 3rd base Hammers. Trick was that 2nd base was on the far field. More extra running and it made for longer ab exercises.

    Now searching for fun sized candy, we found the blacktop and did a fun sized (2 times) partner exercise with one doing balls to wall toe taps while the other ran to the end and back.

    Moseyed to the sidewalk behind the schools and ended up finding ten people in bear costumes crawling while the bear in the back did 5 burpees and ran to the front. Chaos.

    Ended up back to the start for 5 minutes of reverse crunch bars, little baby ruth crunches, 50 candy corns and 10 sour burpees.

    All rejoiced except Handshake, who expected me in costume and candy. He got a full refund.

  • Pub Crawl Penance

    With the end of Oktoberfest, it was time for some penance. We ran 2.7-3 miles, hit 9 different spots where I have had beers in the past and did increasing multiples of 1 burpee, 3 reverse crunches and 5 squats. Ended up with a total of 45 burpees, 135 reverse crunches and 225 squats plus the mileage. The 9 stops were:

    Pour House, Rusty Taco, World of Beer, MPM, Chuy’s, the old Kona Grill spot (under construction to be Fogo De Chao), Burger Bach, Park Lane/Keegans, & ended at the old Halligans spot (under construction for something new). Ran out of time to do Dave & Busters and get to ten.

    Announcements: Firehouse subs near Innsbrook next Tuesday at noon.

    Prayers for healing, helping us find FNGs & my job search

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead

  • Cheeseburgers in Paradise

    Ten Gridiron regulars, a well rested EF Hutton, and an FNG (thanks to Johnsonville) arrived on a beautiful Saturday morning to welcome me back to Gridiron and then to be surprised I was the Q.

    We hit the football field to warm up and started with some SSH and then hit the soft wet ground to do some Suzanne Somers, Freddie Mercuries and Flutter Kicks. Maybe we did more, I can’t remember.

    Then in memory of Jimmy Buffet we did a “Cheeseburger in Paradise” (Quarter Pounder). To be clear, a Quarter Pounder was my plan before Hutton informed me that he died yesterday, but now I had a theme. Jog to the 25, do 25 merkins, bernie back to the goal line, jog to the 50 for 50 squats, bernie back, to the 75 for 75 LBCs, bernie back and then to the other goal line for 100 SSH and bernie back. The soccer crew showed up midway to play on the football field and we thought about fighting for our spot but then realized they would all take a dive like Salah from Liverpool and get us in trouble. So we moved to the soccer field next door.

    After wondering why the soccer players play on the football field each week, we did another Cheeseburger in Paradise with merkins, jump squats, mountain climbers and SSH.

    Still looking for paradise we went to the front of the school and did a triple check of running the loop (“A Trip Around the Sun”), hand release merkins and WWIIs.

    After some bad math on my part, we went to the nearby parking lot for a modified 4 corners which Jimmy Buffet fans will call “A Pirate Looks at Forty Burpies”. First set was 15 American Hammers (2 count) at each corner, followed by 5 burpies in the center after each corner. Second set with 20 shoulder taps (2 count modified to 1 count), followed by 5 burpies in the center. 40 burpies total. Johnsonville’s groaning sounded nothing like a Pirate but let’s pretend it did.

    We moseyed back to the bleachers to hopefully achieve “Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes”. We did three sets of 15 dips and 15 (2 count) step ups. I could not detect a change.

    With 5 minutes left we circled up and did some stretching. The change in attitude was felt, until I was out of ideas and there was 1 minute left. We ended with 10 burpies.

    “Come Monday” we have a Convergence at Dogpile, 7AM. Prayers for Roger Roger and all the other injured working their way back.

    Our FNG, Ryan, is now named Swampy. He is right out of college and a baseball player. He did break a sweat but may need a Pigskin Q to learn to not underestimate grown-ups. Also please note that I had to google most of these Jimmy Buffet songs titles. He’s not my favorite musician but I do give him lot of credit for such a long prosperous career and a huge following of fans.

  • Surprise Visit!

    The crowd was shocked! As my car pulled into the newly paved parking lot, they all ran away scared. And their cars vanished. And I ran alone.

    After 100 yards, I realized I had no music in my ear. Just my thoughts. They went something like this:

    when did it get so dark in the morning?, it’s not that hot out, my knee feels ok, am I going to do any exercises? If someone murdered me right now, how long would it take for someone to find out, it is so humid and hot, my shoe is untied, gazebo, what do we call pushups on a bench?, what will I put in the write up?, these dips are more fun than the thing I can’t name, is that store being robbed?, the lactic acid in my belly fat itches, how far will I run?, if zombies attacked me, the first couple of seconds of them scratching my stomach would be heaven, time to run back to base, did I get enough miles in? I will tell everyone I did 4. If I post this at 6:17 AM will they know otherwise?

  • Do you prefer doing it with both knees on the ground?

    Five macho men ready to work out, plus two white animals, gathered in the back of Godwin for some Kettlebells.

    One white animal took the Q late as long as the other white animal did the write-up.

    We started with side straddle hops and while six of us started with the classic White Deer one arm, one leg swing, White Deer did professional looking SSHs. We were astonished. 62 has been kind to him. After a little more warmup, and according to the white squirrel who lives in these parts, we did something like this:

    Stayed in a circle and did Two handed Swings, American Swings, Goblet Squats, Goblet Lunges, Deadlifts, Push Press, Thrusters and some Curls. 10-15 each.

    Then left the circle and did 10 deadlifts, 20 KB high pulls, 20 curls, 20 squats, 10 palm presses and 20 rows. Then we got on our knees or knee and did cycles of Wood Chops, Around the World, Halos and Obliques. I prefer being on both knees.

    At some point Mr. Rogers had to go. Whether he needed to leave early because the jog home with a 35lb kettlebell was going to take him time or he needed to poop, we were not sure. It did result in everyone else declaring they had to leave over the rest of the morning workout.

    Covered in grass, we ended with a triple check of KB Leg Losses, Presses and a run around the circle.

    White Deer had a nice spring to his step and whether he is aging well or that was due to Attila and his gas not being there, we will never know.

    Welcome to Mr. Rogers new kettlebell. Now nicknamed Officer Clemmons.

    My write-up for hire duties have been met. Please like and share!

  • The Best of Times

    This is the morning we’ll make history
    The Pax and I
    ‘Cause I’ll take any risk to tie back the hands of time
    And stay with the Pax this time

    (we ran 5 miles, we ran 5 miles) in robot voice
    I know you feel these are the worst of times
    I do believe it’s true
    When people lock their doors and hide inside
    Rumor has it it’s the end of paradise
    But I know, if the world just passed us by
    F3 I know, you wouldn’t have to cry, no no


    The best of times are when I run with you
    Some rain some shine
    We’ll make this a world for the F3 crew


    Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
    We’ll take the best, forget the rest
    And someday we’ll find

    These are the best of times
    These are the best of times


    The headlines read “These are the worst of times”
    When I was injured it was true
    I felt so helpless like a boat against the tide
    I wished the summer winds could bring back paradise
    But I know, if the world turned upside down
    F3, I know you’d always be around


    The best of times are when I’m running with you
    Some rain some shine

    We’ll make this a world for the F3 crew

  • Everybody (Whitesnake’s Back!)

    (dance break, featuring the Pax)

    Everybody, yeah
    Rock your body, yeah
    Everybody, yeah
    Rock your body right
    Whitesnake’s back, alright!

    Oh my God, I’m back again
    F3 Brothers, everybody sing
    Gonna bring the flavor, show you how
    Got a question for you, better answer now, yeah

    Am I original? Yeah
    Am I the only one? No, we had 5
    Am I sexual? YEAH!
    Am I everything you need?
    You better rock your body now

    Everybody, yeah (Yeah)
    Run some lake laps, yeah (Yeah)
    Everybody, yeah
    Rock your body right
    Whitesnake’s back, alright!

    (Bridge)
    So everybody everywhere
    Bulgarian squats til you just don’t care
    We’ll do some dips, step ups too
    As long as there’ll be F3
    I’ll be coming back again

    Everybody, yeah (Yeah)
    Rock your body, yeah (Yeah)
    Everybody, yeah
    Rock your body right
    Whitesnake’s back, alright!

  • Does two make a club?

    Lighthouse and Whitesnake ran a little over 4 miles in a 8.40 pace. All the chatter was focused on next weeks 150th Anniversary of the first brunch. West End runners convergence you say? Done.