Category: Richmond, VA

So many warriors arose in the gloom to greet the dawn of a new day, there were almost too many to count. The parking lot was so full it looked like a cross between a Slayer concert and one of those weird conferences where people dress up like animals and pet each other. Turns out YHC was simply in the wrong parking lot again as Siri had interpreted my destination as “Petty Beaver”. A short drive put me into the correct location at “Bettie Weaver” just in time. 12 warriors arose to greet the dawn of a new day. According to Waldo it went a little something like this.

COP: SSH X 10, Nancy Kerrigan X 20, Knee To Ground X 20, American Hammer X 20, Flutter Kicks X 20, **Urkel Merkins X 20, Arm Circle X 1

BUDDY BEAST: Partner up for six rounds of fun. You know the drill. In each round complete six of a prescribed exercise six times. These are done on the football field at the 25, 50, 75, 75, 50, yard lines. All exercises are to be completed with a partner unless you are a pervert and just like to watch.

• Round 1 Boo Ya Merkins
• Round 2 Bosom Buddy Merkins (or plerkins as the prudes call them)
• Round 3 Wilson Boxing Cockroach
• Round 4 Leg Toss
• Round 5 Hi Five Burpees
• Round 6 Sword Fight

Mosey back to the flag for 20 Hulk Hogan Merkins

Numberama, namerama and what many call the Zsa Zsa Gabor of Bon Air, Dr. Try Hard led us out.

NEWS: Doozy has started a business and answered his calling. His new company, Everyday Handyman gets the everyday jobs off of your honeydo list. Fact, we all have a list of things we’d like to get done, but we are super busy. A much more important fact that no one tells you before you get married; if your wife is distracted by the fact that you haven’t fixed that leaky faucet or replaced the garbage disposal, SHE WON’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE until those are completed if you know what I mean…wink wink…honk honk. To be honest, she doesn’t care who does them, she just wants them done. Triple true fact; if you don’t get this taken care of she will continue to fantasize about Chip Gaines or get some one who looks like him to get it done. He’s probably gonna do some crap job because good looking people are only blessed by God in one way. I mean, have you ever seen Julia Roberts fix an alternator? I’m sure that Doozy would even let you take credit for completing the job for a small extra fee. Get help on your list, recommend him to a neighbor and don’t go to sleep tonight without making at least one referral. Ring up your pal Doozy at Everyday Handyman .

F3RVA SHIRTS: Seriously, get your shirt. Dr. Try Hard is starting to sound like an NPR pledge drive. And shirts are so much better than tote bags. Get your very own customized F3RVA shirt here.

2020 F3 RVA WINTER TOUR: YHC was promised not to say anything, but this feels like a safe place….a circle of trust if you will. Oyster isn’t doing so good. He has what doctors like to call “Davillisilicitis” and it’s serious. Symptoms include blurry vision, eying the crowd at family reunions for hotties, weak handshakes and socialism. The only cure is for you to visit each and every AO between now and March 31st. He is fighting hard and doctors say he can make a full recovery, but only with a few prayers and your participation in the F3RVA Winter Tour of 2020

F3 RVA SLACK CHANNEL: Our ginger mensch, Honey Do has set up an F3RVA Slack channel . Stay connected to your brothers or simply get answers to lifes deep questions like; what is my purpose and how does Swirly do merkins so fast? Also, please do not ask for legal advice here. Yesterday some one asked “if I pass gas in the break room and a coworker walks in, is that considered assault?”. Yes, it can still be assault even if it’s funny.

Urkel Merkins: Completed in cadence, start with a hand release merkin. When back in the plank position extend right hand above head, down to left hip, back up to right extension then plank. Hand release merkin then repeat with left hand. Complete as many as you can without laughing. YHC got to 1.

It’s been a helluva week men. Thanks for the laughs and making the effort to come out early.

Hardywood out!

COP

SSH

Arm Circles (big and small, forward and reverse)

Helicopters

12 Days of Christmas

12 Rounds

Add exercise each round the number of added reps reflects the round number. Perform new exercises and back down to first round

• 1 Kettle Burpee
• 2 One Arm Snatches
• 3 Sit-up Presses
• 4 Merkin Rows
• 5 Boat canoes
• 6 Lawn Mowers
• 7 Goblet Squats
• 8 Clean and Press
• 9 2 Hand Swings
• 10 Tricep Extensions
• 11 Overhead Presses
• 12 Kettlebell Dirty Dogs

Numberama

Namearama

Chewy took us out

NMS

YHC had wanted to do a holiday themed Q, but was not able to until today. YHC was informed that Corned Beef had done one similar to this earlier in the holiday season, but he did not sing the song that goes with it, if that makes it better or worse is up to debate.

As always good work was put in by all

It was an honor to lead

9 warriors rose to meet the dawn of a new day. Despite chilly temps being reported in other metro areas, it was 70 and sunny at The Forge. According to Jeff Gillooly and the IBS geese who frequent this AO, it went a little something like this.

Mosey to back of school while avoiding avian excrement deposits.

COP: SSH X 10, **Nancy Kerrigan X 20, DQ X 1, Flutter Kicks X 20, WWII X 20, **Hulk Hogan Merkins X 10, HRM X 10, Arm Circle X 1.

**Explained at end

Mosey to amphitheater area with some big steps, some little steps and bird turds abound.

HARDYWOOD STOUT ROCHAMBEAU: Pax gets into a circle and two warriors step to the middle for a battle royale game of rock, paper, scissors. The winner is determined by the first person to win 3 out of 5. While the warriors are saying “1, 2, 3, shoot” the pax are Side Straddle Hopping to that cadence. Once a winner is determined the pax do 3 burpees. 3 more are added for consecutive victories. Completed when all pax have participated. Roger Roger and Mr. Roper each won three rounds.

NOT YOUR MOMS MLM: The ultimate pyramid scheme has three exercises that are to be completed in the following amounts. 10, 20, 30, 20, 10 at specified stopping points. We ran up stairs, down some stairs and while trying to avoid geese feces (**This will be a GREAT F3 name if we get some one from Canada) Exercises are as follows:

• Merkins
• Jump Squats
• American Hammer

DORA: Partner up. One partner runs up the giant steps to the school. The other partner is completing exercises. Switch when running is done.

• 50 Polar Bears (Why let your feet have all the fun, let’s get your hands shitty too)
• 100 Dips
• 200 Flutter Kicks (2 count)

Mosey back to flag. 1 minute elbow plank

Numberama, namerama and Flange led us out.

NEWS:

TANK TOPS AND JORTS: You know what these have in common? They are both awful. It doesn’t make it ok if they sell them at Target. But you know what is a good idea…perhaps even a great idea. Aside from de-stigmatizing agalmatophilia, it’s buying an F3RVA shirt with your name on it. DTH has got this organized so you can get your very own customized F3RVA shirt. Also, Jorts is a phenomenal F3 name. You could probably get that on the back of your shirt if you want, you be you.

MATCHBOX PLENTY: Fun fact; Oyster was in an a capella group that covered Matchbox Twenty songs in college. They hit the university circuit but the long bus rides, bow ties and geriatric groupies just obliterated his soul. The next best thing to getting the band back together is the F3RVA Winter Tour of 2020 he has organized. So get out to some AOs you haven’t visited in a while, no instruments required. Unless it’s Manndate or Circus Maximus. You have to bring a kettle bell to those. If you forget to bring one and use a Shake Weight that just happened to be in your car because some one gave it to you as a White Elephant gag gift, they will tease you mercilessly. Fair warning.

F3 RVA SLACK CHANNEL: Our ginger mensch, Honey Do has set up an F3RVA Slack channel . Lots of activity here, so be sure to chime in. Channels include; how to talk to your kids about rollerblading and strategies for avoiding uncomfortable questions from your M such as;

• What do you think of these jeans?
• Can my mom live with us?
• Do you think of our new neighbor is cute?
• If you die, how long do I have to wait before I can date again?

MOLESKIN: The Nancy Kerrigan is one legged side straddle hops done in cadence and alternating legs after a count of ten has been reached. Hulk Hogan Merkins are a hand release merkin, followed by a three count ear cup with the right hand. Then hand release merkin, followed by a three count ear cup with the left hand. Do as many of these as you can with a straight face. YHC made it to 9. For those following along at home, an ear cup was the Hulk’s signature entrance move where he would circle his hand around his ear a few times and then cup it to get the crowd amped up.

Let’s address the elephant sized turd in the room, these geese have no shame and the most severe case of IBS ever witnessed. They are just crapping wherever they please. The only logical explanation that explains the sheer volume of fecal matter is that they are doing it out of spite. YHC has no idea what those geese are eating and I can only assume it’s mostly plants. If this is any indication of what being a vegan feels like, count me out. I like condescending people as much as the next guy, but I would like to keep my innards in tact.

Thanks for making this a fun week for me. You guys are the best.

Your pal,

Hardywood