Seven vacationers showed up to Wally World looking for some fun. Instead they got this:
Warmups in the end zone near the Ridge (SSH, IW, Ukrainian Soldiers, Merkinsm LBCs). Explained this workout was somehow Vacation themed. Started with the Jelly of the month club: 12 count of a different exercise every ten yards with lunges in between. Nice slow pace to start the morning. Exercises included WWIIs, Merkins, HRM, Diamond Merkins, Hammers, Flutters, V-ups, Squats some other stuff I don’t remember and we ended with 12 burpees as a preview to the next exercise. Lots of good mumble chatter. Handshake said he likes it faster. So…
Are you serious Clark?? We went the other way and created a deconstructed burpee every 25 yards: 20 merkins, 20 jump squats, 20 groiners and then 20 burpees. The mumble chatter seemed to end. There were some glaring looks. Some wanted to quit. Well I’ll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun! I’m gonna have fun, and you’re gonna have fun, We’re all gonna have so much fuckin’ fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!!
Next we reenacted the crash from Vacation by running up the hill, and doing 15 HRM in the infield dirt. Pinto stabbed his brain.
Next we partnered up. Timer ran the bases three times, pointing and saying “Big Ben” at home every time. Other partner did an exercise. We did this three times. Group mood improved with lots of shouts of “Big Ben”. Exercises were Flutters, 10 WWII/pencil/1 Merkin, and something else I don’t remember. I was too distracted whistling “Zio-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” out of my asshole.
We took to Holiday Road (the track). Ran 1/4, did some bear crawls, Senior Frog found a dead bird (Frog: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state? Mr. Rogers: No, sir I don’t. Frog: Well….it’s probably pretty stiff”). We then did bunny hops, ran some more with high knees and then butt kickers to the next set of bleachers.
We did 3 rounds of 20 dips and 20 bench kicks while imagining Christie Brinkley driving or swimming by. Senior Frog really got into this. Do you ever “bop your baloney”?, he asked.
Had a few minutes of Mary with Freddies, APDs and some Dead Man hangs. Whitesnake: “I think it’d be best if everyone went home…before things get worse”. Lighthouse: “WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here. We’re at the threshold of hell!”
Good to have Mr. Rogers back from his South Carolina vacation and Pigskin back from his European vacation. Not sure if Mr. Rogers got see a giant ball of twine or if Pigskin won his cruise on the gameshow “Pig in a Poke” but they both had a good time.