Tag: Batteau

Forest Hill Park

  • Pickleballers of the Gloom

    8 mighty pickeballers of the gloom (and one late-arriving FNG) gathered in perfect conditions for a bootcamp + pickleball beatdown. Everyone but Warby and I was operating on “lounge-time” and joined us at 5:32 after the beatdown had commenced. Here’s what happened:

    COP: stretch it out

    Four Corners: 10 merkins, 10 merkins + 20 Squats, 10 merkins + 20 Squats + 30 LBCs, 10 merkins + 20 Squats + 30 LBCs + 40 Mountain Climbers 2x. Run back through the corners, downwarn escalator from the top. BONUS corner at the end: 10 burpees

    Dora: 50 Hand release merkins, 100 WW2s, 150 SSHs. Partner run cross court and back.

    Pickleball: as the clock hit 6am the sky brightened with the sun, so we took to the courts. 50 minutes of play! FNG showed up at 6:20am so we folded him in. Welcome El Maestro!

    Numberama, Namerama, YHC took us out.

    NMS: Gorgeous temps for such a fun morning, great to have such a good turnout. As the sun rises later, PB gets harder to fit in in the early mornings — so let’s make the most of it!!

  • Pickleball Singles Championship

    Pickleball Singles Championship

    2 fleet-of-foot denizens of the Pickle Ball kingdom met on the courts of battle for the Inaugural F3RVA Singles Pickle Ball Championship. Conditions were sunny and 70. According to the lady of the night and her escort, the following back-and-forth action might have happened.

    COP:

    Lap around the courts. Various stretches and exercises. Pre-game workout was intense with Applesauce setting the F3RVA record with 1,110 merkins (before 5:45 a.m.). He also Invented 2 new AI models and cured one strain of the common cold (but, only one). Vaccines were banned from this tournament, as was flouride and several books that few have read anyway. But, in this world of manufactured fear mongering, the players remained steadfast in their focus on sports science – only HGH, creatine, and good ole Ben-Gay were allowed. Shoes were required – sorry, Bodos.

    Indeed, this was pickleball at its most raw.

    Main Event – The Championship (Singles).

    Some time later this summer there is a double’s tournament (which is on the Summer Tour). Today, the two survivors of the fortnight-long round robin singles tournament fought it out. Back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back (ok, out!)…

    Highlights:

    Applesauce twice pulled off the unintentional double-tap (permitted in PB),
    Several balls that were “out” were called “in,” as a courtesy (thank you, Oyster),
    The stupid rule requiring that every ball which is out be actually called “out” was suspended for being dumb, stupid, and a poopy-face rule, and,
    Lobs to the Moon and Back were used extensively (and, candidly, quite effectively).

    In a three set nail biter, UpChuck narrowly defeated F3 newcomer and veteran Pickle Ball player Applesauce in a  mega cage match for the ages. This is Pickle Ball scoring, so it’s odd. 11-5-2, 11-7-1, 11-4-2 (17-12). The math works, and if it doesn’t, check Truth Social and ask yourself whether anything on the Inter-webs is really a lie if you want it to be true. Say it enough, and it becomes true.

    Also, Applesauce signed his first NIL deal to promote paddles for New England Asset Management company (NEAM). Incredible. Don’t believe me? Check out his paddle next week.

    There were already too many numbers for today, so all of the rest we did silently and shared good will and brotherhood on the way out.

    Next year, Applesauce. But, for now, age won out over youth.

  • Early Morning Pickleball: Double Trouble for Oyster!

    Early Morning Pickleball: Double Trouble for Oyster!

    It was an early start for a group of five pickleball enthusiasts today, who showed up bright and early, paddles in hand, ready to hit the courts. And while everyone had some great rallies, it seems Oyster had a particularly challenging morning!

    The dynamic duo of Hitchhiker and Upchuck were clearly on fire, as they managed to defeat Oyster not once, but twice in quick succession. Ouch! While we don’t have all the details of the matches, it sounds like Hitchhiker and Upchuck were a formidable force, leaving Oyster and Faceplant to perhaps strategize for their revenge in the next session.

    It just goes to show, you never know what the morning pickleball games will bring! Sometimes you’re the hammer, and sometimes… well, sometimes you’re Oyster.

  • Picklewashed ⛈️

    Conditions:

    Uninspiring rain. Just enough to ruin things, not enough to cancel life entirely.

    The Scene:

    YHC talked The Firm — a future brother-in-law and current F3 brother — into meeting at Forest Hill Park for a little early-morning pickleball. He agreed, likely trying to secure his spot at future holiday tables.

    The Plan:

    High-intensity pickleball. Friendly trash talk. Maybe some subtle flexing. The usual.

    The Reality:

    No one else showed up. Just the two of us, a stack of unused paddles, and a healthy amount of puddles. Turns out pickleballs don’t bounce in the rain. Physics wins again.

    The Pivot:

    Abandon the courts, hit the trails. Knocked out 3 miles through Forest Hill Park. Not fast, not slow — a classic “we’re doing this because we said we would” pace. Good conversation, no major injuries, minimal complaining. Success, by F3 standards.

    Notable Quote:

    The Firm, mid-run: “I’ll be back — I want to beat Oyster and Bodos at pickleball.”

    Revenge-based fitness. We support it.

    Moleskine:

    Sometimes the gloom gives you 2v0 court time. Sometimes it gives you 3 miles of muddy trail bonding with your future brother in law. Either way, you take what the morning gives you and call it a win.

    SYITG,

    —YHC

  • 🏓 GAME ON! Pickleball Season Officially LAUNCHED + Aussie Pro Joins the Squad!

    The paddles were ready and the energy was electric as four dedicated picklers rallied together with YHC to officially launch pickleball season this morning!

    COP: We kicked things off with a energizing mosey to the court, followed by a lap around our battleground, then powered through deadman hangs x 10, helicopters x 10, and SSH x 25 to get the blood pumping.

    The excitement reached new heights as YHC had the honor of welcoming our newest FNG, Tonic—an Australian professional tennis player who’s bringing some serious court credentials to F3RVA!

    Faceplant brought us home with a strong finish.

    The season is officially underway, and with talent like this joining our ranks, it’s going to be an incredible season on the courts!

  • 🏓 CALLING ALL PICKLE ADDICTS! 🏓

    🏓 CALLING ALL PICKLE ADDICTS! 🏓

    Ready to dink, drive, and dominate? The 3rd F3RVA Pickleball League is back and hungrier than ever!

    FIRST SERVE: Monday, June 2, 2025 at 5:30am sharp
    WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS: Forest Hill Park Pickleball Courts (41st and Forest Hill Ave, Richmond, VA 23235)

    Whether you’re a pickleball prodigy or still figuring out which end of the paddle to hold, we want YOU! This league is more inclusive than a group hug – all skill levels welcome, from “What’s a kitchen?” beginners to “I dream in dinks” veterans.

    What to bring:

    • Your paddle (if you’ve got one)
    • Balls (the pickleball kind, obviously)
    • Your A-game attitude
    • Maybe some coffee – 5:30am is early even for us morning warriors!

    Don’t have equipment? No sweat! Our paddle-sharing game is stronger than our third shot drops. We’ve got you covered!

    Can’t make opening day? No pickle problems! We’ll be serving up fun every Monday all summer long. Just show up when you can – we’ll be the group making questionable line calls and having way too much fun.

    Time to turn that Monday morning blues into Monday morning BRUISES! (The good kind, from diving for impossible gets.)

    See you on the court – let’s get this bread… er, pickle! 🥒

    Hitchhiker

  • You Don’t Need to See the Ball

    Seven strode onto the hard courts of south Richmond for the latest presentation of Batteau, Pickleball Edition. Conditions court side remained 70 and sunny. According to the neighbors calling 911 with reports of noise violations, the following might have happened.

    Quick disclaimer. But, not THAT disclaimer. The other disclaimer – the one about “watch out for the ball catcher obstructions between courts.

    Mosey around the courts while waiting for the sun to arrive.

    Lap 1: jog around courts. Mutually assist in avoiding obstructions.

    Lap 2: parking space tracers, sideways slides, Bernie Sanders, etc. YHC completely forgets Disclaimer and destroys one of the barriers. Cue the laugh track and lessons from the chapter of Freed to Lead on Clysdale’s Physics.

    Circle up. Quick Disclaimer, so quick the Pax might have missed it.

    COP:

    1,000,000 SSHs
    Dead Man Hang
    Fudd’s Wife
    Right leg high, left leg high, various legs and arms high.
    Wilson’s Wife
    Pigeon right / left

    Sufficient light present for white balls. Let’s go!

    Round 1:

    Court 1: NTB / Orange Crush vs. Whitesnake / YHC

    Court 2: Sable, Tryhard, Hitchhiker round robin.

    Round 2:

    Court 1: Sable / Tryhard vs. Whitesnake / NTB (YHC thinks these were the pairings)

    Court 2: Hitchhiker / Orange Crush vs. YHC

    Time called at 06:15, at the end of the Hitch/OC vs. YHC match, or exactly when Tryhard dropped the hammer of a slam on Whitesnake & Co. Tryhard might have been in The Kitchen, but VAR did not overrule the point.

    Numbers, names, and NTB took us out.

    Announcements:

    • ONGOING – Summer Tour
    • 7/29-8/4 – Westhoe Takeover
    • 8/3 – Homegrown Half. Big debate on whether to meet at Betty Weaver or Robious Landing. Local guy says Betty Weaver. Rain location: Robious Landing. 06:00, or get there by 5:55 a.m. if you aren’t sure of the location.
    • 8/4 – 6-8am Holy Water Bootcamp. Swim with your pals. Open to all men, always free.
    • 8/6 – Ultimate Frisbee Tournament at NoToll. Sign up. Really. No Wildcatting. Ahem, Wildcat the guy is welcome. But, pre-registration is required.
    • 8/11 – F3 Family Float on the James. Somewhere between the confluence of the Jackson and Cowpasture Rivers and the Chesapeake Bay.
    • 8/17 – Pickleball Tourney. Forest Hill Park. Find a partner. Sign up in advance. Or, contact Oyster and make him do the work for you.
    • 8/18 – 6-8am Holy Water Bootcamp.
    • 8/21 – 100th Bday Q by Upchuck. First Watch. 05:00.
    • 8/28 – New AO at Mosely Elementary.
    • More cool stuff throughout the fall…

    NMS: Notable moments included NTB checking the strings on his paddle, the aforementioned Tryhard slam, and multiple Orange Crush shots between the legs (for real). He’s got skills.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Have You Seen a Korean Guy with a Blue Hat?

    Ten speed demons lined up for the shotgun start of the latest edition of Sunday Funday. Conditions remained constant at 70 and sunny. According to the startled, headphone wearing solo female runner, the following might happened:

    Boulevard Bridge / Nickel Bridge / 50 Cent Bridge / Fiddy Cent Bridge to Buttermilk Trail, eastbound. Some took the “lariat” before most turned at Reedy Creek. Forest Hill loop, some went clockwise, some counter-clockwise (and do not expect YHC to know which way is clockwise). It’s Sunday; no thinking is recommended or required.

    Some then headed BTTVSF for 7 miles.

    Some headed to the T. Pottersfield Bridge and BTTVSF for 10.

    Numbers, names, and YHC took us out.

    NMS: Solid crew today for the First Inaugural, 7th or 8th Annual Tuckahoe / Westhoe Takeover. Hard to know how many of these we have done. Today was workout #1. More to follow this week.

    Great to see Sippy Cup burning around Forest Hill. Whoosh. YHC estimates the Sippy/UpChuck closing speed to be in excess of 40MPH. Considering that YHC did 7 miles in 90 minutes, you do the math for Sippy’s speed. Also nice to have Phonics and his daughter, Better Half, out for the morning. They too lit the trails on fire.

    Johnsonville and Chum Bucket, both of whom YHC believes to have almost 10 years with F3RVA, are prepping for another Richmond Marathon. Bib numbers, as always, are predicted to be in the low-mid teens for both of them. Let’s see if they can break the Top 10 this year.

    The fabulous four-some of Hitch, Bootleg, Shakedown, and YHC filled out the field. At one point, Hitch was no longer present with us, and while Helix offered to search for him, YHC asked a passing runner whether she had seen him. Memo to self – random questions asked of single females can elicit startled responses. But, we knew that. Next time, YHC will have to put his shirt back on before asking.

    Announcements: Solid work yesterday all around by the PAX. YHC had 5 true men join him for The Bridge, and Oyster led us with Breaking Bread last evening. Solid weekend of 3rd F gentlemen. Well darn done.

    Tuckahoe / Westhoe Takeover this week.

    Homegrown Half of 10 or 20 or 26.2 this coming Saturday. Starting point is either Betty Weaver or Robious Landing. YHC isn’t sure. So, the options are the either YHC does your homework for you, or you look it up. Finally, let’s be real – the two locations are so close, if you can’t find it, you weren’t that committed. Get out there and support these guys, their Ms, neighbors, and 2.0s. LG!

    Summer Tour continues. Let’s go!

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • Perfection

    perfect numbers, perfect weather, perfect morning.

    Welcome FNG Patches O’Houlihan!

    Get a partner and sign up for the 8/17 tourney.

  • Tell me more about double hits

    6 slicing and dicing beasts took over the courts at Batteau on this beautiful Monday morning!! Let’s Go!!!

    Warmarama: Just get it over the net.

    The Thang:
    Several games were played. Some doubles and singles.

    Big News: Pickleball Tournament will be August 17th.
    Sign up: 2nd F3RVA Pickleball Tournament Participation Sheet – Google Sheets