2 fleet-of-foot denizens of the Pickle Ball kingdom met on the courts of battle for the Inaugural F3RVA Singles Pickle Ball Championship. Conditions were sunny and 70. According to the lady of the night and her escort, the following back-and-forth action might have happened.
COP:
Lap around the courts. Various stretches and exercises. Pre-game workout was intense with Applesauce setting the F3RVA record with 1,110 merkins (before 5:45 a.m.). He also Invented 2 new AI models and cured one strain of the common cold (but, only one). Vaccines were banned from this tournament, as was flouride and several books that few have read anyway. But, in this world of manufactured fear mongering, the players remained steadfast in their focus on sports science – only HGH, creatine, and good ole Ben-Gay were allowed. Shoes were required – sorry, Bodos.
Indeed, this was pickleball at its most raw.
Main Event – The Championship (Singles).
Some time later this summer there is a double’s tournament (which is on the Summer Tour). Today, the two survivors of the fortnight-long round robin singles tournament fought it out. Back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back (ok, out!)…
Highlights:
Applesauce twice pulled off the unintentional double-tap (permitted in PB),
Several balls that were “out” were called “in,” as a courtesy (thank you, Oyster),
The stupid rule requiring that every ball which is out be actually called “out” was suspended for being dumb, stupid, and a poopy-face rule, and,
Lobs to the Moon and Back were used extensively (and, candidly, quite effectively).
In a three set nail biter, UpChuck narrowly defeated F3 newcomer and veteran Pickle Ball player Applesauce in a mega cage match for the ages. This is Pickle Ball scoring, so it’s odd. 11-5-2, 11-7-1, 11-4-2 (17-12). The math works, and if it doesn’t, check Truth Social and ask yourself whether anything on the Inter-webs is really a lie if you want it to be true. Say it enough, and it becomes true.
Also, Applesauce signed his first NIL deal to promote paddles for New England Asset Management company (NEAM). Incredible. Don’t believe me? Check out his paddle next week.
There were already too many numbers for today, so all of the rest we did silently and shared good will and brotherhood on the way out.
Next year, Applesauce. But, for now, age won out over youth.
