Author: ByProduct

  • Gigawatt or Jigawatt?

    A beautiful morning for six greyhounds to conquer Riverside Drive and the Greenway in the ever-popular reverse cowgirl direction.


    The ride kicked off with a spirited debate over whether it’s a gigawatt or a jigawatt, sparked by Fudd’s plans to settle in and watch the Back to the Future trilogy after returning home. From there, we headed across the Nickel Bridge sidewalk, where we stumbled upon what appeared to be a nighttime training exercise by the RVA SEAL Team. An unexpected location for tactical drills, but who are we to question their methods?


    The pace picked up as we flew down Riverside Drive and crossed the Floodwall. Along the way, a massive rat emerged and scurried across our path, seemingly in a hurry to return to the swampy waters below. Not exactly wildlife we’re used to seeing on a Wednesday morning.


    Several riders mentioned missing TYA, but we took comfort knowing he was in good hands, joining the women’s cycling team for the second consecutive week. We expect a full report upon his return.


    The group rolled back to home base right on schedule, allowing Blue Moon enough time to make it home and prepare for his 11:00 a.m. flight to Germany.


    Thanks to everyone for a great ride this morning. Most importantly, we finished with no injuries, no mechanical issues, and plenty of stories to carry us through the week.

  • I never had a lentil on my face…

    Some in attendance still appeared to be chewing on remnants of last weekend’s sand-infused beatdown and were understandably reluctant to sign up for another ByProduct birthday Q. Nevertheless, four brave stallions, displaying either admirable courage or questionable judgment, arrived to see whether BP had any creativity left in the tank for 2026.

    After the mandatory disclaimers, legal notifications, and other corporate governance requirements, we got warmed up:

    • SSH x 57 IC (one rep for every year BP claims not to feel)
    • DQ x 15 IC
    • Arm Circles (front, back, small, large) x 15 IC
    • APDs x 15 IC (for Gomer, because traditions matter)
    • Merkins x 15

    We then moseyed to the tunnel and bear crawled through to the other side. A lifetime achievement award and immediate exemption from the remainder of the workout were offered to anyone who could catch Tater.

    As expected, Tater remained several tax brackets ahead of the field.

    Next, we made our way to the overflow seating area by the tennis courts and each selected a lane. At every retaining wall, we completed five double-count step-ups, gradually accumulating enough reps to qualify as a lower-body investment portfolio.

    The stops included:

    • 1st landing: 15 LBCs
    • 2nd landing: 15 Squats
    • 3rd landing: 10 Merkins
    • 4th landing: 15 Crunchy Frogs

    After working our way through the circuit, we returned to the tunnel and bear crawled through once again because apparently one bear crawl wasn’t sufficiently character-building.

    Tater remained uncaught and largely unbothered by the pursuit.

    From there, we headed to the octagon bench area for a Jack Webb featuring Dips and Air Presses. Participants were reminded that there is no upper limit to air presses, only varying degrees of regret.

    Next stop was the waterfront for a Triple Check:

    • Runner: Up the hill and back, including at least one Burpee at the top
    • Station 1: Freddie Mercuries
    • Station 2: Derkins on the boat ramp

    While enjoying the scenic views and elevated heart rates, ByProduct remembered a joke recently shared by SAAB concerning the difference between a chickpea and a lentil. Ever the seasoned entertainer, BP waited until all participants were lying flat on their backs and an attractive jogger happened to pass by before unveiling the punchline.

    Coincidentally, this timing also prevented anyone from escaping.

    We then ran back up the hill for two rounds of PLTs (20-count), because nothing says “recovery” quite like additional abdominal suffering.

    Returning to the invisible flag, we received an educational seminar on T-Burpees.

    Special thanks to Whitesnake for the demonstration. His performance was equal parts inspirational and cautionary tale. After careful review, the group agreed that traditional Burpees remain more than adequate for our fitness needs and emotional well-being.

    To finish:

    • 5 Burpees
    • 7 Burpees

    Because ending on an even number would have demonstrated weakness.

    Numberama

    Namerama

    Prayers

    Whitesnake took us out. Thanks for letting me lead. As always, it was an honor to guide four men through a carefully curated series of poor life choices before 7 a.m.

  • Hump Day with Black Betty

    Weather conditions were perfect for six studs looking to satisfy their midweek adrenaline fix with a 22-mile pilgrimage through Richmond’s North Side.

    The ride began with plenty of mumble chatter, including a spirited debate over what No Tools calls his bike when the PAX isn’t around. That somehow led into a discussion on the pros and cons of an advanced degree in Rhetoric and whether ByProduct’s alma mater in Western Massachusetts even offered such a program. Philosophical commentary on Plato and Socrates carried us through the Staples Mill interchange before the conversation drifted into some decidedly less academic territory like black cocks on cycling jerseys.

    At one point, we weren’t entirely sure whether Prophet had miscalculated the route, but we eventually found our way back to the Fall Line Trail near Bryan Park. A few of the PAX tacked on some extra innings with a quick flyby through Byrd Park before returning to the mothership.

    Thanks to everyone for a great ride this morning. Best of all, no injuries, no mechanical issues, and plenty of miles, laughs, and questionable conversation along the way.

  • Hands on your own sack…

    Fourteen able-bodied HIM rolled into the gloom expecting a light credit workout and perhaps a birthday celebration. Instead, they participated in what will undoubtedly be discussed at every By-Product Gridiron Q between now and 2032.

    Warm-Up

    Circle up for:

    • Side Straddle Hops x15 IC (White Deer style, if so inclined)
    • Invisible Jump Rope x15 IC
    • Don Quixotes x15 IC (performed with impeccable Attila form)
    • APDs x15 IC (for Gomer)
    • Merkins x15 IC

    Indigenous Peoples Run

    The PAX split into two groups:

    Group 1 (White Deer)

    • Rifle-carry a 30 lb kettlebell from the invisible flag to the far tennis courts in the back 40.

    Group 2 (By-Product)

    • Mosey the outer loop around the track.
    • Rifle-carry a 20 lb kettlebell, rotating carriers after an undisclosed but universally agreed upon excessive amount of time.

    Tennis Court Hospitality

    After extensive commentary from Attila regarding the moisture content of the tennis courts, White Deer led the PAX in bear crawls to each court line followed by:

    • 5 Merkins at each stop

    By this point, approximately 20 minutes had elapsed and morale was still reasonably intact.

    The Sand Migration

    The PAX moseyed to the bleachers, where 760 pounds of sand awaited in a collection of 50 lb and 70 lb bags.

    The mission seemed simple: move all the sand from one of the furthest points in the AO to the other furthest point in the AO.

    On paper? Outstanding.

    In reality? Less outstanding.

    Each man grabbed a sandbag and began the relay. Some ambitious souls elected to carry two 50 lb bags.

    Triple Check at the Bus Loop

    Runner

    • Run the bus loop

    Station 1

    • Chest Presses with a 50 lb sandbag
    • Attila, refusing to acknowledge normal human limitations, used only the 70 lb bag.

    Station 2

    • Squats with a 50 lb sandbag

    The procession then continued toward the next waypoint.

    At some point during the haul, By-Product casually shared that every bag had been purchased from Lowe’s and was intended to be returned after the workout. This revelation explained his increasing concern regarding bag condition and why every tiny sand leak was treated like a financial reporting issue.

    Attila responded by threatening to introduce an X-Acto knife into the situation if the nonsense continued much longer.

    Pavilion Stop

    At the pavilion near the pull-up bars:

    2 Rounds

    • 20 Dips
    • 10 Double-Count Step-Ups
    • No weight

    Around this time, the PAX realized a disturbing fact:

    By-Product’s truck was nowhere to be seen.

    The grumbling intensified, but the mission continued. The entire 760 pounds of sand was ultimately transported to the furthest available parking area in Striker Park.

    Finish

    The PAX returned to the invisible flag and knocked out a few burpees until time expired.

    Learnings

    • Always read the fine print before volunteering for a By-Product logistics operation.
    • Lowe’s may or may not be accepting slightly used sandbags later today.
    • This workout will be referenced repeatedly for years to come.

    Moleskin: Happy Birthday, White Deer. What started as a workout became an expedition, a moving service, and possibly a case study in poor project planning. The sand was moved, no bags were intentionally punctured, and the PAX lived to tell the tale. T-claps to all who embraced the suck. Aye!

    Announcements.

    Numberama, Namarama, Atilla took us out.

    Great work men!

  • By-Product’s Aunt Edna Infatuation

    Five able-bodied men rolled up for By-Product’s second Q in the past six years, expecting a light credit workout. Aunt Edna, punctual as always, was already there and casually mentioned she outposted Attila for the month of May.

    Before kicking off pre-work warmups, By-Product led the PAX over to meet Aunt Edna. During the meet-and-greet, we learned her real name is Linda—and it didn’t take long for the group to agree she’s earned at least quadruple respect.

    Circle up for warm up:

    • Side Staddle Hops IC 15
    • Don Quixote IC 15 (w/perfect Attila form)
    • Helicopters IC 15
    • Arm Circles IC 10 small / 5 big
    • The Merkin IC 15
    • APD’s IC 15 (w/Gomer Pyle in mind)

    Jack Web:

    • Mosey to Octagon thing in front of the clubhouse
    • 1 2-count step up
    • 4 arm raises for each 2-count step up
    • Repeat until last set of (10) 2-count step ups and (40) arm raises.

    Burpee 6-Pack:

    • Mosey to the top of the hill by the tennis courts.
    • Do 1 burpee
    • Run to the bottom of the hill – touch the fence, run back up the hill.
    • Do 2 burpees.
    • Rinse and repeat until we have done a 6-pack of burpees.

    Triple Check:

    • Mosey to boat ramp where Aunt Edna will be waiting.
    • Timer – run to top of hill
    • Exercise 1 – Freddie Mercuries
    • Exercise 2 – Squats

    Playground Action:

    • Mosey to the playground and pair up
    • PLT’s (2 sets of 20)
    • Jerkins (2 sets of 20)

    Circle up at the invisible shovel flag:

    • 5 sets of Merkins – each set selected by the PAX
    • American Hammers – 25 OYO
    • Crunchy Frogs – 25 OYO
    • Don Quixote IC 13

    Announcements: Joey Chestnut graduates this morning and recognized his achievement. Congrats!

    Numberama, Namarama, By-Product took us out.

    Great work men!

  • 6-year hiatus

    After a 6-year hiatus from Q’ing duties, By-Product miraculously rediscovered the sacred Google Doc—something previously thought to be a myth. The event was so unprecedented that even Fudd had to verify it wasn’t fake news, showing up in person and on time for the entire COP.

    COP – SSH X15 IC, DQ’s X15 IC, Helicopters X15 IC, Arm Circles (big / small) X15 IC, Merkins X10IC and APD’s X15 IC (for Gomer Pyle)

    The stuff:

    Mosey to the tunnel entrance and proceed to bear crawl to the other side. Continue the mosey to the rustic timber retaining walls by the tennis courts.

    Set 1:

    1st retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 LBC’s

    Set 2:

    1st retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 LBC’s, 2nd retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 squats.

    Set 3:

    1st retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 LBC’s, 2nd retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 squats, 3rd retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 WWII’s.

    Set 4:

    1st retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 LBC’s, 2nd retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 squats, 3rd retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 WWII’s, 4th retaining wall, 10 double count step ups & 20 Merkins.

    Mosey back to the tunnel entrance and proceed to crawl bear to the other side.

    Mosey to the Octo-Lounge in front of the clubhouse office and get comfortable for a Lindsey of Dips and Derkins

    Mosey wide along the lake and back up the incline paved path to the playground for PLT’s (2 sets of 20) and Jerkins (2 sets of 20).

    Numberama, Namarama, Attila took us out.

    Great work men!

  • Runs like a deer…

    Runs like a deer…

    Four young bucks embraced the 90% humidity of the Maximus this morning. After determining that there would not be a whitedeer sighting this morning and sharing the story of J’ville’s recent X-Games crash last weekend, we got down to business.

    COP – Helicopters X15 IC, Arm Circles (big / small) X15 IC, DQ’s X15 IC

    Round 1: Squats X25, Run a Lap

    Round 2: Squats X25, Curls X25, Run a Lap

    Round 3: Squats X25, Curls X25, Swings X25, Run a Lap

    Round 4: Squats X25, Curls X25, Swings X25, High Pulls X25 Run a Lap

    Round 5: High Pulls X25, Swings X25, Halos X25, Sit & Press X25, Run a Lap

    Round 6: Swings X25, Halos X25, Sit & Press X25, Run a Lap

    Round 7: Halos X25, Sit & Press X25, Run a Lap

    Round 8: Sit & Press X25, Run a Lap

    Numberama, Namarama, Attila took us out.

    Great work men!

  • Pace yourself for the suck…

    Three hungry studs showed up for a ByProduct Q, assuming it was going to be another themed workout with golfballs and wiffle ball bats. Not.

    COT consisted of some quick warmups before getting down to business.

    • Arm circles – big & small X 15
    • Helicopters X15
    • DQ’s X 15

    The morning plan was pretty simple and straightforward as a cumulative KB beast in the parking lot.

    Set1: Squats X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Set2: Squats X6, Curls X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Set3: Squats X6, Curls X6, Swings X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Set4: Squats X6, Curls X6, Swings X6, High Pulls X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Set5: Squats X6, Curls X6, Swings X6, High Pulls X6, Halos X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Set6: Squats X6, Curls X6, Swings X6, High Pulls X6, Halos X6, Sit & Press X6, repeat for total of 6 rounds (3 lunges between each round)

    Not too much mumble chatter going on after the first two rounds, other than when the Q was going to move up into a higher KB weight class.

    Numberama, Namarama and the Q took us out.

    Good workout men!

  • Only have time for one more hole…(that’s what she said)

    11 noble warriors fought the fartsack of the eve of ByProduct’s 50th to see if he was continue with a themed workout.

    Abbreviated COP all IC:

    • 15 SSHs
    • 15 Invisible Jump Rope
    • 15 DQ’s

    The Thang:

    Mosey to the burpee knoll where we were greeted by a HD bucket of balls. Each member randomly selecting a color-coded golf ball, determining the 2 teams. Because Chum was LIFO, we made him switch teams at halftime.

    The Rules:

    • Each player launches their ball toward the 5-gallon bucket off the tee for each hole.

    • The team closest to the pin wins the hole.

    • Everyone has to complete the predetermined exercise of the hole, but the number of reps is determined by which team won the hole.

    • There are no mulligans.

    • Exercises are single count and OYO.

    • Bucket cannot be closer than 25 feet from the tee – the more creative the better!

    • The player closest to the pin choses the placement of the bucket for the next hole.

    • If your team gets a “hole in one”, the losers have to complete all of their reps as well as those of the winning team.

    • After the 1st nine holes, the losers have to complete 20 burpees OYO.

    Holes – Exercises – Reps (losers / winners)

    LBC’s – 50 / 40

    Derkins – 30 / 20

    Burpees – 20 / 15

    Arm Raises – 50 / 40

    WWII Sit Ups – 50 / 40

    Copperhead Squats – 50 /40

    PLT’s – 40 / 30 APD’s – 50 / 40

    Derkins – 30 / 20

    Side Straddle Hop – 50 / 40

    Flutter Kicks – 50 / 40

    Jump Squats – 30 / 25

    Freddie Mercuries – 50 / 40

    Crab Kicks – 30 / 25

    Dips – 50 / 40

    Step Ups (each leg) – 40 / 30

    We worked hard, had some laughs, banter and friendly competition. Didn’t quite finish all 18 holes once we started almost needing a club to reach the pin.

    Atilla was the only member of the Pax to get it in the hole, but the F3 gods said not today!

    Numberama

    Namerama

    Atilla took us out and many continued to Einstein’s for coffeerama.

    Thank you for letting me lead!

  • Burpees give me bad heartburn…

    Ten redwoods fought the fartsack to witness ByProduct’s consecutive Q, while many of the Gridiron regulars were on sabbatical until next week.  

    COP:

    After the PAX made a perfect circle, YHC called an audible and we all moseyed to the lower football field were we were once again greeted by props.

    Batting Practice:

    In preparation for this week’s home run derby, we all took turns swinging the bat.  The leadoff batter hit one of the two balls as far as they could down the field.  The PAX ran in full sprint and a bandaid was ripped from the ball revealing the “The Next Exercise Is…”. I won’t say which of the PAX you don’t want early in your line up, but for POG “I have not picked up a bat in 10 years” won this HR derby! 

    All exercises were OYO as they were revealed.

    • 25 – SSH
    • 10 –  Arm Circles – Large – Forward and Backwards
    • 15 – Flutter Kicks
    • 10 – Dry-docks
    • Bear Crawl – 25 paces
    • 20 – Invisible Jump Rope
    • 10 – Burpees
    • 10 – PLT’s
    • 20 – LBC’s
    • Crab Crawl – 25 paces
    • 10 – Diamond Merkins
    • 10 –  Arm Circles – Small – Forward and Backwards
    • 10 – Jump Squats
    • 25 – More SSH
    • 10 – DQ’s
    • 10 – More Burpees

    Run the Bases: 

    The PAX divided into 4 groups for some to cumulative 4 corner fun!

    Round 1 – Run to each corner and complete 10 WWII’s, ending where you started. 

    Round 2 – Run to each corner and complete 10 WWII’s, 10 Merkins, ending where you started. Not bad so far.

    Round 3 – Run to each corner and complete 10 WWII’s, 10 Merkins, 10 Copperhead Squats, ending where you started. Mumble-chatter starting to slow down really quick. 

    Round 4 – Run to each corner and complete 10 WWII’s, 10 Merkins, 10 Copperhead Squats, 10 Burpees, ending where you started.  Heartburn starting to suck big time.

    Throwing and Fielding:

    Everyone partnered up and selects a water balloon.  Started about 15 feet apart for the toss.  When your water breaks, team completes 5 reps of called exercise and repeats each time another team is eliminated.  

    • APDs (regular – Not Adderal Style)
    • Monkey Humpers
    • LBC’s (I think)

    POG strategically selected the smallest balloon, which was was impenetrable until Marmaduke changed that.

    Extra Innings:

    We then moseyed to the playground, where the visitors were enamored by the hippo, the giraffe and the turtle.  After we were able to pull them away, we completed a jerkin ladder (declining from 7 to 1).  

    YHC then had the PAX begin a curb crawl from the park to the invisible shovel flag.  It did not take long to realize that this may be a bad idea and admitted “I’m just trying to fill up the hour…”.  

    Over to the bleachers for a quick Lindsey of Dips & Bleacher kicks.

    Wilson could tell that I was considering more burpees to run out the clock and offered to lead 5 minutes of Mary.  I gladly took him up on it!

    Numberama

    Namerama

    Cecil took us out and many continued to Einstein’s.

    I had a blast leading this week and everyone got their monies worth!