Author: Snuff

  • The Wrong Question

    6 men, all hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings, arrived on a cold morning in November to learn the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything from the supercomputer called ‘The Forge,’ specially built for this purpose. The answer? 42.

    42 side straddle hops, then Don Quixotes on your own as YHC recounted one of his favorite stories from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

    A modified birthday beast was concocted: 6 times 7 reps up and down Mt Chaplain. 6 times 7 mirkins, jump squats, WW2s, lunges (with an intermission of 42 jerkins on the lower rail), box cutters, and burpees.

    Slow mosey to the upper school loop for a triple check: running, dips and calf raises.

    Mosey back to the flag for 42 heels to heaven. Then a minute of slow breaths.

    Prayer requests for healing for all those on IR, for my close friend dealing with a difficult illness, and especially for Fresh Prince who we all know will be a great father.

    Thank you for another year around the sun and I offer a deep gratitude for this group who always shows up and always pushes me to be a better human being. Peace.

  • High and dry

    11 gathered in the cool fall morning and Oyster reminisced about my last Q: “You made us do WW2s on the concrete instead of the grass.” Little did he know, towards the top of my list of reasons to Q is ‘stay high and dry.’

    50 SSH to warm up. Mosey to the backlot. Don Quixotes, helicopters, imperial squat walkers, stretching, mirkins and some other stuff I forgot while trying to come up with a spontaneous plan.

    First on the docket: 11s including WW2s on the concrete plus Caroline dry docks.

    Next up, indigenous curb crawl around the island – everyone crawls and one by one each person ran around.

    Lunge to the far side of the lot. Run back across, karaoke back again. Mosey towards the flag with a small payment to the durkin + dip troll who lives under the bridge.

    Line up on the basketball court for some jumping herpes all the way across. That’s a hand-release mirkin into broad jump burpee (invented by Chaplain… for some reason).

    Then a nice 4 corners lady of the night with 10 mirkins, 20 jump squats, 30 heels to heaven and 40 mountain climbers. On that first heels to heaven YHC observed with incredulity just how far away those stars really are. DK asked ‘where’s the weed’ and at that very moment with everyone looking up and laughing a meteor streaked across the dawn sky. High… and dry. Unlike Shatner’s Depends when faced with the blackness of space beyond this lush oasis.

    A few minutes left for some mankillers, which YHC forgot how to do. Luckily Doozy was there to pick up the pieces with Gumbo keeping him honest.

    Mosey back to the flag with an 1 min 30 elbow plank to finish it off.

    A special prayer of gratitude for our purpose, whether we believe it or not, as hidden in the God-given infinite complexity of this world we call home – as Carl Sagan said: “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.’

    Fitness, fellowship and faith. Love it.

  • 3 to the Third

    DTH and YHC clown-carred all the way up north on the summer tour and in true clown fashion didn’t bring kettle bells. That’s what I get for Q’ing a place I’ve never been without reading old backblasts. The Manndate veterans thankfully kept their mockery to the F3 baseline (savage but in good faith) and the workout began.

    Warmups: SSHs, DQs, helicopters, dead man hang stretches, merkins, plank stretches and some other stuff.

    To work around the missing bells, a triple check: run the loop, kettle bell swings and kettle bell squat thrusters.

    A second triple check: run the loop with a kettle bell, kettle bell WW2s, and jump squats.

    To many eye rolls, a third and final triple check: wall sits with a kettle bell, kettle bell lunges, and bear crawl to the tree and back.

    Some light stretching and then we circled up. Special thank you and shoutout to The Carpenter who took us out with a deep and graceful prayer. We wish him all the best on his new adventure in Jersey. Luckily his new next door neighbors went to Virginia Tech so he can keep the rivalry forefront in his mind.

    Finally – I remember how hard it was when I started F3 because there was some fear about looking like an out of shape idiot. I also remember how welcoming everyone was during those first few humbling beatdowns. This morning was much the same – like an idiot I didn’t see the kettlebell part on the Schedules page. But everyone was kind and instead I was humbled by the kettebells themselves. Yardsale feel free to drop that 35-pounder in the river. Everyone else – if you haven’t done one of these I highly recommend it, especially with the crew out there. Thanks for having the Southsiders out.

  • Simple Is

    The clock struck 5:30 when YHC was informed that much to his surprise, he had the Q. Commence improvisational beatdown.

    Mosey to the flagpoles for 45 minutes of side straddle hops. Done and done. Actually just 30 or so SSH. Don Quixotes, dead man hangs, cherry pickers, imperial squat walkers, LBCs and mirkins not necessarily in that order. Finish with a minute elbow plank.

    Triple check: flagpole smokers, Carolina dry docks and a long loop.

    Bear crawl 75 yards down the sidewalk and down the stairs.

    Lunges the length of the long rail.

    11s at each light to the cul de sac: mirkins and WW2s.

    Back up to the lower lot with 4 burpees at each light for a total of 44.

    Skygazing with a 6-inch hold for a minute.

    From the lower lot, sprint to the tip top of Mt Chaplain followed by some stretches.

    Back to the flag for 10 hand-release mirkins and done.

    Prayers as the sun was coming up, and special prayers for India.

    I’ve been a board member of the Aruna Partnership for the last 5 years, but have been traveling to Tamil Nadu in India to work for the last 15. It’s been a big part of my life and this year our friends are really suffering.

    Over time, so much progress has been made from the programs we support there – sponsored kids have grown up and gone to college and are now coming back to teach. Widows have gone on to start businesses to support their families. And through job training, first generation college graduates have come back to recruit for their companies because they know that kids coming out of our program are top-notch. But in spite of all this progress, the new lockdown has threatened to set everyone back – unable to work, now it’s just about survival. If you’re able, please send a small donation.

    https://www.arunapartnership.org/pandemic_relief.htm

    The non-profit is volunteer-run so 100% of donations go directly to supporting the programs in India. Hit me up if you have questions – thank you and Godspeed.

  • Pulmonauts

    Moon-lit and bound for the stars, 12 souls strapped themselves to the NoToll rocket and prepared for launch in the spring gloom.

    T-minus 40 side straddle hops, 10 Don Quixotes, dead man hangs, imperial squat walkers, etc.

    Launch – parking lot 4 corners with 20 WW2s, 40 Rosalitas, 60 LBCs and 80 APDs.

    Low earth orbit around the field to the pavilion for a triple check: run + 3 burpees, jump squats and merkins.

    Orbiting to the middle of the field to admire the massive full moon and ponder our place in the universe. Breathe in, breathe out.

    Slingshot orbit around the field to the bleachers for another triple check: run + 5 burpees, box jumps and heels to heaven. Pausing yet again to consider the paradox of how the breath is voluntary, yet involuntary.

    Bound for Mars, finishing strong with 2 burnouts: parking space lunges with increasing 2-count ball dippers all the way to 10. Then, parking space bear crawl with increasing hand-release merkins all the way to 10.

    Settling down to the surface of Mars with a mosey back to the flag. Prayers for Boberry’s father, prayers for Snuff’s stepfather-in-law.

    Our journey at an end – Elon would be proud.

  • Blame it on the rain

    3 puddle jumpers ignored the hysterical weather forecast to find a perfect morning. 66 degrees, periodic drizzle, and a slight crosswind of tsk tsk for those who were not able to join us. To be fair, water from the sky can be terrifying.

    Warmups: side straddle hops, Don Quixotes, cherry pickers, imperial copperhead squats, copperhead merkins, etc etc.

    Triple check: tooth fairies up the stairs, jerkins on the bar and some wet concrete flutter kicks.

    Fire on the mountain: climbing Mt. Chaplain with lunges across the flat parts.

    Triple check: run the loop, flagpole smokers, elbow plank hold.

    11s on the lightposts: Merkins and jungle boi squats.

    Circle up for some special stretching to find muscles not currently known to the scientific community.

    Prayers for the the strength, the patience and the wisdom to navigate the decisions we make each day – and gratitude for all the brothers, both wet and dry, who hold us accountable.

  • Wheel of Misfortune

    The clock struck gloom as 9 time travelers gathered to enter the 3-dimensional F-wormhole.

    Slaughter start with a bear crawl up and 3 burpees at the top of each rollercoaster.

    Warmup with side straddle hops, Don Quixotes, Imperial Walkers, cherry pickers, plank stretches, mirkins, LBCs and some other space junk.

    The longest mosey ever down to the outer limits of the Huguenot High galaxy, planet cul-de-sac, where YHC’s machinations were finally revealed, a large clock known in medieval times as a breaking wheel.

    At midnight, an elbow plank hold until failure with a single purpose, keep time for everyone else. 2 o’clock Hello Dolly, 3 o’clock heels to Heaven, 4 o’clock mountain climbers, 6 o’clock sprint to the 5th light, 8 o’clock WW2s, 9 o’clock mirkins, 10 o’clock mankillers, 11 o’clock jump squats. Around the wheel of misfortune we went, 2 full rotations until the universe dimmed, time and space seemed to stand still and the only reality was a black hole of you vs you.

    Slow mosey back to the flag, a slingshot around the moon to launch the psychonauts into their day.

  • Slow Bern

    Red sky at morning, sailor take warning. 9 men brought their smoldering intensity to gloom of The Forge, starting with some quiet warmups – side straddle hops, don quixotes, imperial walkers, cherry pickers, reverse scorpion kicks and elbow planks.

    A long bear crawl from the flag to the stairs, down the stairs, and to the rail. Swinging and weaving under the entire length of the rail all the way down to the road. 11s at each light (mirkins and flutter kicks) to the cul de sac.

    BoneThug’s Dirty 30 (30 v-ups, 30 lbcs, 30 core planks, 30 Alabama prom dates). Easy breezy mosey to the bottom of the main hill and a Bernie Sanders up and back to the flag.

    Mirkin ring of fire with an elbow plank hold, mosey down to the stop sign and sprint back to the flag.

    A moment of gratitude to come out and work together, get stronger together and pray. Prayers for Doozy and Greenbow on their journey, prayers And blessings for Roger Roger and his wife as she starts a new job, prayers for all those affected by Hurricane Laura.

    Go in peace.

  • Berenstein or Berenstain?

    4 scraggly bear cubs timidly gathered in the gray drizzle, shaking off hibernation and their grizzly-sized bellyaches after spending the night gorging on the spoils of Bon Air’s high falutin’ food waste. Only the finest trash to table for these hairy beasts.

    Moseyed on down to the circle and warmed up with some Don Quixotes, helicopters, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, mountain climbers, and a few dozen side straddle hops.

    11s at every light post up to the first lot, mirkins and v-ups.

    In the lot, 4 corners escalating jump squats, curb dips, flutter kicks and lbcs.

    Double check 100 jerkins on the bar with running up the stairs and a burpee.

    Mosey across the lot, bear crawl the grass sections all the way to Forest Hill.

    Another double check loop around the circle, 100 traffic cone-raises above the head, 200 traffic cone American hammers, and 50 WW2 with traffic cones above the head.

    Indigenous run with 3 mirkins back to the flag, finishing with 1 minute elbow plank hold.

    From bear cubs to grizzly men in 45 minutes flat. Werner Herzog is proud of you all.

  • Gone Bunny Gone

    5 bleary-eyed detectives picked up the Easter Bunny’s trail somewhere south of Robious. Trying to summon the little hopper with some kind of ridiculous rain dance including Don Quixotes, helicopters, imperial walkers, Russian soldiers and some other flailing nonsense disguised as a warmup. After a short plank we recovered to find that our exertions had in fact summoned a force even greater than the white rabbit: Bone Thug, dropped out of the sky like a teleporting legend quietly stealing the candy from baskets all over the south side.

    The hophazard search for the golden egg continued across all 4 corners of the field, escalating from 20-30-40-50 mirkins, WW2s, flutterkicks and LBCs. With no Benjamin Bunny in sight, they went another round and quite by accident completed a mile.

    Back in Mr. McGregor’s garden, a double check curb crawl / dips were paired with bear crawls / lunges. There were still some weeds in the radish patch so the group went one more round.

    Driven to madness by the still-missing mythical creature, the detectives chose a darker rabbit hole: suicide-straddle hops across the entire parking lot, which continued until 6:15, at which point the collective hallucination ended and the men were able to get back to their daily quarantine, still half-believing that they had been visited by the hollowed-out shell of last year’s chocolate mold. Until next year…