Author: Upchuck

  • Factoid of the Day

    7 two-legged steeds assembled in the late Gloom for a dawn-time launch. Temps were sunny and 70 with a touch of fog. Breaking all norms and traditions, the PAX launched at 06:59 a.m. (in order to remain 6+ feet ahead of the construction crew intent on flaunting the “small groups only” rules).

    Routes were south bank, T. Pottersfield, and return on North Bank.

    Group sized jumped to 8 when Hitchhiker, true to his name, joined up en route, having had the audacity to be ready to start at 07:00 a.m. Glad you could make it.

    Along the way, the counter-clockwisers met Snuff, Hardywood, & Co. going clock-wise on their version of Dirt Church (Dirt Cemetery? Dirt Animal Farm?)…

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out with a reminder to be patient as lots of folks are adjusting to the new ways of the world.

    Announcements:

    TYA turned 20,829 days old yesterday. Good to be alive, my brother. He also became, to YHC’s knowledge, the first F3RVA member to be ejected from ET’s. “You all can stay. But HE (pointing at TYA) has to go.” ‘Bout time.

    Also, did you know that at the beginning of WWII, the FBI spent 3 years sitting in front of a house in Pennsylvania? Why did they do that? This, and other bizarre trivia came not from YHC, but from an unexpected and unsolicited visitor in front of ETs (who alleged himself to be a nurse). Moral: Ask for Flatline when you check into the hospital.

  • Socially Distant Beatdown

    23 hand-washing, mask-wearing, self-quarantine-rs posted for our first social distancing beatdown of the Covid-19 era. Temps were sunny and 70. The pax did the following, more or less:

    Slaughter-ish Starter (all in-cadence, Lawrence Welk style):

    3 merkins

    11 SSHs

    19 flutter kicks

    3 merkins

    Happy birthday to Mr. Lawrence Welk, who would have been 117 this week. He taught YHC the art of calling cadence.

    Mosey to the Amphitheater for COP:

    SSHs x19

    IW’s x10

    DQ’s x10

    Helicopters x10

    Merkins x19

    LBC’s x19

    Something else x10

    Assemble on the Stage for Self-Quarantine (1 hour workout entirely on the stage).

    Correction: YHC remembered that Wilson does this every September.

    Ascending Medley

    Starting at the bottom, do 10 monkey humpers and 9 reverse crunches on each step.

    Early finishers hold decline merkin plank on the top step, mixing in assorted ups-and-downs

    Descending…

    Partner up. Remain socially distant.

    Partner 1 runs down to bottom step, while

    Partner 2 performs (Not) Wilson’s Boxing Cockroach (do it solo!) at the top step.

    When partner 1 returns, swap places.

    Attempt to have each partner run to each step (18, then 17, then 16, etc).

    Speaking of Wilson (and, YHC thinks…Nancy Lopez) and Social Distancing, Wilson and NL showed up at the 06:30 a.m. point of the work out having been unable to find the PAX, who had been hiding in plain sight AT THE BOTTOM OF THE AMPHITHEATER.

    Early finishers hold decline merkin plank on the top step, mixing in assorted ups-and-downs.

    Mosey towards the Great Lawn, but stop short for…

    (Don’t You Dare) Touch-a-Tree:

    Somehow, Touch-a-Tree has become the most complicated of F3 rotations.

    To paraphrase Corporate, “How is this hard for people? You touch a tree.”

    YHC agrees.

    Remaining socially distant, form teams of 3.  

    Rounds of 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2 trees. As with any triple check, each man does all three parts. Exercises for rounds 10 and 8 were squats and flutter kicks

    Exercises for rounds 6 and 4 were something else and LBCs (who knows?)

    Exercises for round 2 were burpees and burpees.

    EF Hutton led the early finishers in some planking.

    Mosey to the Great Lawn for 4 Corners:

    Corner 1: Merkins x19

    Corner 2: Snow Angels x19

    Corner 3: Flutter Kicks x19

    Corner 4: SSHs

    When done, run it back in reverse.

    Short mosey to the front of the Carillon for some Mary

    Box cutters x19

    Rosalita’s x19

    Group Mosey BTTF (Handshake has only one speed)

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out.

    Announcements:

    Great to have Sippy back. He’s running a Go-Fund-Me to get a new front tooth. Pinterest is hosting a site with his options.  https://www.pinterest.com/cj5013/gold-teeth/

    Apparently, Bodo’s canceled God (or, at least, in person services) for his parish. (A small handful of) people are losing their minds. Given the circumstances, let’s all remember how challenging this unprecedented situation is.

    Let’s keep all of our friends, neighbors, and colleagues struggling with how to deal with Covid-19 and its implications in our prayers.  Patience, kindness, leadership, and understanding to everyone. Keep calm and mosey on. And, remember, this is real.

    NMS:

    YHC signed up for this Q some months ago anticipating a March celebration of Lawrence Welk. Life intervened. Somehow, what YHC had planned just didn’t seem quite right, so YHC reconsidered the following:

    “Self-quarantine on stage.” Wilson already does that.

    “Prison cell quarantine in a parking space.”  Issues: a) there are no marked spaces at Dogpile and b) Chum already does this.

    Who would have guessed that all of the really good “pandemic-themed” Q options would already have been taken?

  • The Batteau Triple

    Three pax joined up in The Gloom for a Monday morning Hot Potato. Temps were sunny and 70. Despite looking far and wide, no latecomers joined….so, onward to…

    The COP – Courtesy of YHC

    3 veterans means save the time devoted to the Disclaimer and get started…SSHs, DQs, Hillbillies, reverse crunches, LBCs, and HRMs.

    Monday Morning 6-Pack

    Starting with the picnic table to the left of the Batteau House, the PAX did a loop, performing one exercise at each of 6 tables. Exercises were:

    10 Derkins
    20 dips
    10 step-ups (per leg)
    20 four-count Flutter Kicks
    15 incline merkins
    20 WWIIs

    Two rounds in the dark. Avoid tree branches and holes. YHC wondered why Swirly wasn’t up front…more to follow.

    Flip it to Doozy for…

    Mosey des Doozy

    Mosey across the Batteau Field to the Park Road, stopping along the road for two sets of 20 dips. Continue along the r

    Burpee des Trois

    Loop around the lake. Find a lamppost (lighted or otherwise), stop and do 3 burpees. YHC estimates 10 lampposts.

    Triangle Up at the Intersection of Loop and Other Loop. Short mosey to stairs for…

    Sippy’s Crawl of Death

    Bear crawl up the steps, then up the path, then up the steps. Longer than it sounds.

    Swirly’s Revenge

    YHC did not know Swirly had a bum ankle until after YHC ran Swirly around and across an uneven field with lots of sticks in the dark. All else equal, with three PAX, there were other options for the group.

    Swirly got his revenge (YHC is making this more dramatic than it was).

    Everyone grab a stone. Time for some boulder-work.

    First round: 20 curls, walk to terrace on the steps with the stone, 20 dips, carry stone back up.

    Second round: same as First Round, but add 10 over-head presses before going down the steps.

    Third round: 20 curls, 10 over-head presses, 15 squats, walk to terrace on the steps with the stone, 10 derkins, carry stone over-head back up to the top. YHC attempted to remain conscious.

    Mosey BTTF.

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out.

    Announcements:

    Keep Doozey’s mother-in-law Louisa, who is going through a tough spot, in your thoughts as well as Doozy’s wife (only child of a single mom).

    YHC’s mother-in-law is doing better, probably never going to be great, but she will take it.

  • Delivering Joy

    Six on two and one on four circled up for a Christmas Day beat down. Temps held steady at 70, and the joy in our hearts brought a bright shining light to the morning. According to Opie, this is more or less what happened:

    Opie runs 20 feet in front of the PAX to the left. Cross the PAX route. Drop the ball. Run 30 feet to the right. Pick up a stick. Run back and cross the PAX. Continuously attempt to herd the PAX. Petting encouraged. Repeato AYG. At halftime, attempt to trip YHC. Repeato OYO until muscle failure or time is called.

    All Other PAX recall this:

    Mosey via the Long Route to the end of the Great Lawn, and then back to the center for:

    COP:
    SSHs x25
    DQs x10
    Hillbillies x15
    LBC’s x25
    Heels to Heaven x10
    HRMs x10

    Mosey to the Children’s Stage for: Deliver the Gifts

    The PAX delivered all of the “gifts” (coupons) to various houses, only that would be weird, so they delivered the “gifts” to various trees, which is marginally less weird. Leave 4 gifts at each “house” for the “family” there. Just as the sleigh, reindeer, and Santa must move the “rest of the pile” to every subsequent house, the PAX moved the “rest of the pile” to each subsequent tree. AYG until coupons are delivered. At some point, break into groups of two in the interest of time. Santa does not do this.

    PAX worked in SSH, Decline Merkins, and Rosalitas.

    Mosey to the Circle for F3 Baseball.

    Each PAX provides some input, either their favorite number of reps between 20 and 30 or their favorite exercise.

    DTH: 24 reps
    Mr. Holland: WWIIs
    Hitchhiker: American Hammers
    Slippin’ Jimmy: Wilson’s Dying Cockroach
    EF Hutton: Monkey Humpers

    PAX completed 2 rounds, and mostly completed 3 rounds, but ran outside the base path on the last part of the last loop. Umps ruled the PAX safe.

    Return the Gifts:
    Taking a page from the Wise Men, the PAX returned the “gifts” to the Children’s Stage by another route.

    Mosey BTTF for Mary:

    Flutter Kicks x25
    Hello Dolly x5
    Burpees x5
    Freddie Mercury x25

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, Announcements

    YHC started to take us out with a spoken rendition of Silent Night. Mr. Holland rocked the dawn and shortly had the PAX in full song. Well done, my friend. Excellent way to start Christmas.

    YHC has a special intention for an ill family member and her husband. Tough times for them this year. Let’s hope she can beat this.

    January 1…anyone organizing a Convergence?

    NMS:

    Thanks to the PAX who were able to sneak away this morning. Ironically, this is probably the busiest morning of the year for most of the PAX. Merry Christmas to all. Peace on Earth – good will to all.

  • There are Other, More Interesting Parts of This AO

    64 legs carried 32 of the faithful and four more made the PAX 66 feet strong to celebrate UpChuck Family Birthday Week. Temperatures held steady at 70. Skies were bright and sunny. According to the runner who tried to lure DTH’s dog into the metaphorical van, the PAX did the following:

    Mosey to the Near Circle, but (wait for it) Turn LEFT to round the circle clockwise, loop back around the island of trees, and then circle up for:

    Circle of Pain:

    47 SSHs, By Request, Lawrence Welk-style (Happy birthday to UpChuck)
    14 IWs (Happy birthday to UpChuck’s daughter, F3 Vers)
    DQs x 10
    Hello Dolly (Temporarily renamed Rosalita’s)
    Rosalita’s x15 (Renamed Rosalita’s)
    LBCs x20
    HRMs x10

    Mosey to the Outer Ring of the Near Circle for:

    Bear crawl to manhole cover; crawl bear back to the outer curb.
    Polar bear crawl to manhole cover; crawl bear polar (or crawl polar bear, or bear polar crawl or…just do it backwards already)
    Partner up…wheelbarrow to the manhole cover, switch up, wheelbarrow back.

    Circle Up for Seven of Diamonds:

    Multiples of 7 exercises at each of four points. Increase reps by 7 each round up to 28 per round, then back down by 7 reps per round. 7 rounds total.

    Hand-Release Merkins x7
    Basic Squats x14
    Reverse Crunches x21
    Little Baby Crunches x28
    Flutter Kicks (4-count) x21
    Copperhead Squats x14
    (At roughly this point, Bodo’s griped for the first time in his life, and out of pure astonishment, the YHC forgot to have the PAX do Hand Release Burpees in favor of Snow Angels. “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”)
    Snow Angels x7 (The PAX subconsciously thanked Bodo’s).

    Somewhere in here one PAX member was overheard to say,”At least do half the exercises.” Line of the day.

    YHC thanks the PAX who led from the front: Swirly, DTH (YHC loves the No Faking It Merkins – or whatever those are called), and Hardywood (Master of the Arm Circle)…YHC apologizes for forgetting any other PAX who led.

    Mosey to the Amphitheater for Stairway to Seven:

    At the bottom of the Amphitheater, each PAX performs two exercises (burpees and inclined merkins), then runs to the top of the Amphitheater to perform WWII sit-ups.

    1 rep of each exercise in round one. Increase by one rep each round, up to 7 reps in the last round.

    Hardywood led enthusiastic flutter kicks, six inches, and 45 degrees for The Six.

    Mosey Back to the Flag (BTTF).

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, Circle K took us out with a reminder about the true meaning of the season.

    Announcements:

    Ghost Flag to the City Dwellers. No place more appropriate. Carry it with Pride.

    Christmas Morning Beatdown: 5:30 a.m. at DogPile.

    December 30, Punisher, 6:00 p.m. Bring your A-game, and your government issued photo ID (and a few bucks). Linwood Holton Elementary. UpChuck has the Q.

    NMS:

    Solid performance by the PAX today. Way to push.

    Nice to have Flashdance and Fudd back with The PAX today. YHC thought Fudd was on the juice until YHC remembered that Fudd is a) a natural athlete, and b) living at 5,300 feet. That brother has some lung capacity now.

    YHC’s travel is done for the year, and he’s ready for a break. Here’s hoping you all have some time free to spend relaxing with family and friends over the holidays.

    UpChuck spits the bit.

  • And Then, There Were Two.

    Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor Gloom of night stays these [warriors] from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. – Sort of the Postal Creed.

    ONE Pax launched into his appointed Rounds for the latest edition of Hoedown. To a superficial being, rain fell and a chill was present, but to YHC temperatures were sunny and 70 in his heart, his zeal for F3 and country carrying him forth for…

    3 loops around the horseshoe (but, can you loop around a horseshoe, or does that really make it an oval?), followed by…

    COP of 1 At Cafeteria Wall:

    SSHs, IW’s, DQ’s…Mosey to the Overhang by the Gym for…

    Continuation of the COP on Dry Ground…

    LBC’s, Flutter Kicks, and tons of HRMs.

    Mosey around the Blacktop (and Welcome the arrival of Handshake, today’s LI-LWEE). (LIFO is accountant-speak for “Last In, First Out” which makes no sense in this case because, while he was last in, Handshake Left With Everyone Else.)

    With steady rain coming down, the PAX agreed to focus on “Under the Roof” exercises…

    Starting at the school door, bear crawl to the Gymnasium walkway, then switch to Crabwalk. 30 of an exercise at the Gym door.

    Squats, LBCs, HRMs (or something like that)

    Back to the Overhang for Bernie Sanders on the incline…5 rounds.

    10 derkins on the picnic tables.

    Mosey to the Horseshoe for the infamous One Man Triple Check.

    Each PAX is his own team. 3 exercises. 3 rounds. Run the loop. Balls to the Wall (Handshake managed the “Hoooollld it” duties). Flutter kicks (YHC called cadence).

    Flip Q to Handshake for…neighborhood loop run. Call it a mile or so.

    Names, numbers, announcements.

    NMS:

    Out of the gate, YHC notes that the Directions today were excellent. Clear, concise, and enjoyable to share. Saab would be proud.

    Great to have Handshake join today after about 10 minutes of solo time. Definitely a day when the Temptation to Fart Sack was strong.

    No Announcements

  • Did I stutter?

    Eleven – YHC double counted – eleven men of steel brushed off the pre-Thanksgiving gloom and posted for today’s version of WDog, or as Phonics describes it, math class. Temps held at 70 and the sun shined brightly. According to the drug dealer in the white van, the PAX did the following…

    Mosey to the Near Circle…making two laps around the circle…

    (Note #1: YHC crushed the mosey today, lapping BOTH Hardywood and Phonics. YHC doesn’t want to start anything, but it’s clear they have lost a step. YHC says 46 is the new 26. Suck it, formerly fast guys.)

    (Note #2: YHC hopes Hardywood feels better. Something about flu combined with a cold combined with bronchitis and a leg amputation. Let’s just leave this at: “Hardywood wore long sleeves.” If things don’t improve, rumor has it Hardywood has ordered some of those yoga pants with the sheer calves. Yikes.)

    (Note #3: Phonics had no excuses. More to follow on this…)

    Circle of Pain:

    Arm circles, SSHs, DQs, Imperial Walkers, LBCs, Flutter Kicks, Scorpion Kicks, and HRMs.

    Mosey 30 Yards to the Grass We Never Use for Touch-a-Tree:

    Apparently, YHC developed a stutter today. Touch-a-Tree works as follows. Partner up. First partner performs a designated exercise, in this case, Little Baby Crunches. Second partner runs and touches 5 different trees, then returns to base. The partners swap roles. Second man then touches 5 different trees while partners performs LBCs. Partners can touch same tree as their partner.

    Stick with YHC here…this is the hard part. When the PAX moves to the Round of 4, each PAX only needs to touch 4 trees, but not any of the same trees that same PAX touched in the Round of 5.

    Round of 3, only 3 trees.

    Round of 2, only 2 trees.

    Round of 1…wait for it…only 1 tree. Some guys did Extra Credit and touched 5 trees on every round.

    Exercises:
    Round of 5: LBCs
    Round of 4: LBCs
    Round of 3: Box cutters
    Round of 2: Box cutters
    Round of 1: Burpees

    Pro Tip: Save the tree at which the PAX started for the Burpee Round. (YHC thanks Handshake.)

    Al Gore for the six. 5 HRMs to celebrate the PAX dominating today’s Directions and Counting.

    Mosey Not One Step ‘Cause We are Doing Touch-a-Tree Again (The PAX will do this until the PAX gets it right):

    Round of 5: APDs
    Round of 4: APDs
    Round of 3: Flutter kicks (not sure…)
    Round of 2: Flutter kicks
    Round of 1: Burpees

    Mosey Not One Step for Touch-a-Traffic-Cone:

    There’s one traffic cone out there. Find it. Touch it. Partner 2 does burpees until Partner 1 returns. This could be a while.

    Mosey to the Amphitheater for Something That Was Actually Confusing:

    Each PAX member takes a row (one man per row). Start on one side of the Amphitheater. PAX members run laterally across their row. When PAX reaches an aisle, stop and do an exercise. Continue to the next aisle and repeat. Reverse direction, repeat exercise at center aisle, then head back to starting point and repeat exercise. 3 rounds.

    Round 1: 5 HRMs at each stop.
    Round 2: 10 squats
    Round 3: 15 box cutters

    Assemble on the stage for Balls to the Wall for the six. “Hoooold it.” Thank you, Swirly.

    Ascending V-Ups:

    One on the first step, 2 on the second step, 3 on the 3rd step…up to 18. Mix in reverse crunches or WWIIs when abs give out.

    Mosey BTTF.

    (Note #4: Phonics attempted to rehabilitate his reputation by racing YHC on the run BTTF. Throw out the records when these two titans clash. On paper, Phonics has YHC hands-down. But, meaningless races aren’t run on paper. They are run in dark parks under weird yellow lights and YHC sets the rules. Indeed, as the Odds Makers would predict, Phonics smoked YHC to within feet of the finish line. Unfortunately, Phonics (aka, “The Hare”) stopped short of the finish line, enabling YHC (aka, “The Tortoise”) to zip past and win, for the second time of the day. Nothing makes YHC happier than declaring himself victorious in a meaningless contest EXCEPT doing so in a meaningless contest that the other person is not aware is happening. Mission Accomplished. Vanity reinforced. And, heck no, there will not be a re-match (YHC may be dumb, but he’s not stupid).

    Number-ram-a, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out. It’s a time to give thanks, and time to take a moment to say thanks. Take a minute to thank the people in your life for what they do, say, provide, share, etc. that makes you thankful for them. And, think of ways to bring people back into the fold, especially where there is a break in a relationship.

    NMS:

    YHC loves giving directions. YHC loves repeating directions so much that any opportunity to repeat directions is an exercise in patience, self-restraint, and stroke avoidance. Future YHC Q’s will require each PAX member to sign a waiver indicating that said PAX member has read the Official Rules for Touch-a-Tree and understands said rules.

    YHC now understands why Dr. TryHard loves the Merkin Challenge – it’s one set of directions for the whole 45 minutes. “Circle up. 45 minutes of merkins. BTTF.” Frickin’ genius.

    Announcements:

    Thanksgiving Day Convergence. 06:00 at 45MOM, but for one hour. TYA has the Q. Bring a coffee cup or be prepared to do an inverted keg stand for a hot cup o’ joe.

    Day after Thanksgiving Loop-o-ram-a. 07:00. Forest Hill Park. Meet where the swap meets and farmer’s markets are held. Do one loop at 7. Rest until 8. Do another loop. Rest until 9. Repeato until you give up or 21:00 hours.

    Dr. TryHard is holding a 37th birthday party for himself on Saturday at DogPile. Venison steaks and a free workout are included. Bring a party hat or party bandana.

  • That’s Some Good Bar-b-que

    2-PACs sallied forth into the evening Gloom for some fellowship and a good meal.

    COP (FYI: this means “Circle of Pain,” as in, the PAX has to circle up, which the PAX did – Vers thought this was weird.):

    YHC failed to read all of the instructions while starting to cook bar-b-que. YHC asked for advice from a more experienced member of the PAX, who suggested that a quick flip of the Q to her (YHC’s M) would help, and things were quickly straightened out. With that and a ton of advice, she re-earned her FO3 designation. Someone give the lady a tassel.

    Back to YHC…

    Out and Back’s (Evolution 1):

    Slow Mosey…to and from the car. YHC and Vers carried items in bags or crock pots. 3 rounds.

    Slow Drive-sy:

    Drive to 180 Belt. Blvd. Try to find as much traffic as possible at 5 p.m. on an RVA Sunday.

    Back and In’s (Evolution 2):

    Reverso the previous exercise with the following modifications:

    1. Unload, and
    2. Add one round of stair walking (up AND down) as part of each evolution.

    3 rounds.

    Serve-a-Ram-a

    Vers and YHC heated and served bar-b-que, mac-and-cheese, and veggies. Self-serve on the beverages. Cookies for dessert.

    A minor scuffle was avoided when the Medical Q (Nurse) executed a Search and Seizure (or perhaps Search and Seizure Avoidance) Order against a resident who had absconded with 3 chocolate-infused cookies against doctor’s orders. The names – even the F3 names – were changed to protect the innocent (and to avoid any HIPPA Violations).

    Clean-a-Ram-a:

    Vers crushed this, doing virtually all of the work OYO. Like when you and a partner do Dora 100-200-300 and the other guy has done all 100 merkins by the time you return from the first run. Well done.

    Out and Back’s (Evolution 3):

    Rinse, wash, and stack. Repeato. AYG.

    PAX went down stairs with empty dishes, yet full hearts and full stomachs. 2 Rounds. Mission accomplished (no banners were flown).

    NMS:

    Another successful evening of food and fellowship. Vers continues to crush this, each time taking on more and more of the responsibilities on her own. YHC estimates he’s down to 25-30% of the on-site work. Basically, YHC is eye-candy at this point. Way to go, Vers!

    For any PAX who have not had a chance to do this as well as for the handful of PAX who have told YHC they would do this, but have not yet signed up (and you know who you are…), there are plenty of spots on the Q-sheet.

  • 21 Men, 42 Guns, and 34 CBOSs

    21 stone masons donned 42 pairs of gloves to build themselves and their brothers into better men. Temps were sunny and 70 with a wind chill of 30. A perfect way to start the day started with…

    The COP:

    SSHs
    Imperial walkers
    Invisible Jump Rope (forward AND backward!)
    Don Quixote’s
    Reverse crunches
    Littlest of Baby Crunches
    Hand release merkins

    Mosey to the Far Circle to:

    Collect your coupons. Or, as Hardywood calls them, Cinder Blocks of Success (CBOS). Good ole fashioned blocks. Home Depot’s finest.

    11’s from the circle to the Carillon fence…decline merkins on one side, reverse crunches on the other. Carry your coupon with you. Or, if you are a miserly fellow, like Swirly and Hardywood, collect coupons and carry more than one.

    Hold at the Carillon Fence for:

    Touch-a-tree. One man touches 5 trees while carrying his coupon. Partner performs American Hammers, with or without coupon. YHC takes his hat off to those who did the AH’s while holding the coupon. Well done.

    Mosey to the Amphitheater for:

    Coupon decline merkins. 3 decline merkins on each step. Use the coupon, at your leisure, to make these double-declines.

    Round-the-World Relay:

    Stick with YHC on this. Four men, two stations. Station 1: orchestra pit. First Man does donkey kicks (has coupon with him). Second Man runs with his own coupon from orchestra pit to circle at top of amphitheater where he meets Third Man (at Station 2) who is doing WWIIs with his own coupon. Fourth Man started at Station 2 and has run with his own coupon to relieve First Man at Station 1. Much easier than it sounds.

    Alternatively, YHC points at people and says “You! (points at first guy) Start up there (points to top). Run around with your coupon. You (points at other man)! When he (points at first guy) gets here (points at ground) then You go THAT (points in the other direction) way. Got it?” Clear as mud.

    Line Up for Coupon Run, then YHC conducts a total failure of a Jail Break to return coupons to their new home (under wooden amphitheater). Future Qs, feel free to use.

    BTTF for 5 MOM:

    Hello Dolly (IC)
    Flutter kicks (IC, Lawrence Welk-style).

    Number-am-a, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out. Let’s all find a person to pull across a personal or professional goal line this holiday season. 12 days to Thanksgiving.

    Announcements:

    Keep Swiper, LugNut, Circle K and others running this weekend in your thoughts. Crush it, boys.

    Thanksgiving…TYA has the Q at 45MOM. 0600 start time for 60 minutes. Coffee to follow. BYO pick-up truck with a tail gate.

    December 7: Magnum PI Day, bring your best mustache or caterpillar, dress as your favorite Magnum PI character, and practice saying,”Oh, my, God, Magnum” over and over in a British accent. Double points if you show up with a helicopter, black sunglasses, and an over-the-ear head-set (TC!).

    Thursday at The Forge…join your F3 brothers striving to win a tussle and a tassel by performing in excess of whatever number of merkins in 45 minutes.

    YHC is a man who enjoys both contests and rules. Good contests have predictable rules. With that, YHC posits that HRMs are the only proper test for a merkin contest. The US Army agrees (t-release merkins, as they call ’em). Start with elbows locked in a plank position. Drop until chest is on ground. Slap belly on ground (shout out to the Hoedown crew). Lift palms off ground for one moment. Place palms back on ground. Extend arms until locked. Count one merkin. Repeat. After 45 minutes, you have set YOUR standard. “It’s you against you.” Strive to beat that standard the next time out. Remember the words of Lazarus Lake, founder of the Barkley Marathons, “If you are going to face a challenge, it has to be a real challenge. You can’t accomplish anything without the possibility of failure.”

    Day after Thanksgiving, Forest Hill Park Loop-a-ram-a. 0700. Run one lap (or bike one lap). Wait until 0800, then run another lap. Wait until 0900. (Check for text from M asking how things are going). Repeato. Wait until 1000. Repeato. Wait until 1100. Repeato. Wait until 1200. (Check for text from M asking what time you think you’ll be home). Repeato. Wait until 1300. Repeato. Wait until 1400. Repeato. Wait until 1500. (Check for text from M reminding you of family event that you are supposed to be home for). Repeato. Wait until 1600. Repeato. Wait until 1700. Repeato. Wait until 1800. Repeato. (Check for text from M asking why you are not home). Wait until 1900. Repeato. Wait until 2000. Repeato. (Check for text from M asking whether you are ok. Ask F3 friends whether they think your M is asking about your mental or physical condition). Repeato. Wait until 2100. Repeato. (Meet police officer in park. Introduce self using F3 name.) Wait until 2200. (Check for text from M asking why police officer who knows your F3 name has called your home). Repeato. Wait until 2300. Repeato. (Check for text from M suggesting you sleep at TYA’s house. Check with TYA and obtain invitation. Text wife saying you are going to stay at TYA’s. Wonder why your M, who likely has never met TYA, somehow trusts him with your well-being more than she trusts you with your well-being).

    NMS:

    Not two days ago, Swirly said to YHC that it wasn’t cold days that were hard, but cold and windy days. Sure enough, cold with a side dish of windy. Brrr. Good day for gloves, and that made it a good day for coupons.

    As with many of his own Q’s, YHC missed much of the mumble-chatter, however, YHC didn’t miss Handshake’s jazz-hands or whatever those were during the American Hammers. Next time, pick up the coupon.

    Welcome to Drew, now “Rasputin” (He was renamed at ETs, and then renamed again). Google it, if you aren’t familiar. YHC will be looking for you next Saturday.

  • Trochanteriosis (yes, you have this)

    13 runners started, so 13 runners must have finished. Start times, routes, and paces varied. No bikers were present or accounted for. Best anyone can tell, temps were sunny and 70.

    The security cameras recorded someone starting at 3:45. Two someones. How do you train for a half-marathon? Run 15 miles. Yeah, do the math. Well done, Lug Nut and Bleeder.

    Those who started at 05:00 headed west on Grove, turned past St. Chris, then east on Patterson, and looped back somewhere ’round The Arthur Ashe Boulevard before coming back to the ranch.

    Those starting at 5:30 headed east on Grove before turning north on Malvern and proceeding across Broad to Westwood. 5’s turned around at Laburnum. 6’s turned east on Laburnum, and turned around at Lynwood Holton.

    Number-ama, Name-a-rama, Marv took us out with a message about genuine love.

    Announcements:

    Stache for Cash hit the mark. Well done, fellas.

    NMS:

    Slow start to the chatter this morning. YHC tried to goad Handshake into one of his good stories of lore. Not having it. YHC shared a practical joke about a man and a person who walked like a woman and talked like a man (a “Lola,” if you will). Yet, still, relatively modest chatter.

    Who knew that Lola himself would, on the last mile, jump start the conversation with the word trochanteriosis, or at least that’s what YHC thinks Lola said. Inflammation of the hip. Ask him about it. Good stuff.

    UpChuck spits the bit.