Some in attendance still appeared to be chewing on remnants of last weekend’s sand-infused beatdown and were understandably reluctant to sign up for another ByProduct birthday Q. Nevertheless, four brave stallions, displaying either admirable courage or questionable judgment, arrived to see whether BP had any creativity left in the tank for 2026.
After the mandatory disclaimers, legal notifications, and other corporate governance requirements, we got warmed up:
- SSH x 57 IC (one rep for every year BP claims not to feel)
- DQ x 15 IC
- Arm Circles (front, back, small, large) x 15 IC
- APDs x 15 IC (for Gomer, because traditions matter)
- Merkins x 15
We then moseyed to the tunnel and bear crawled through to the other side. A lifetime achievement award and immediate exemption from the remainder of the workout were offered to anyone who could catch Tater.
As expected, Tater remained several tax brackets ahead of the field.
Next, we made our way to the overflow seating area by the tennis courts and each selected a lane. At every retaining wall, we completed five double-count step-ups, gradually accumulating enough reps to qualify as a lower-body investment portfolio.
The stops included:
- 1st landing: 15 LBCs
- 2nd landing: 15 Squats
- 3rd landing: 10 Merkins
- 4th landing: 15 Crunchy Frogs
After working our way through the circuit, we returned to the tunnel and bear crawled through once again because apparently one bear crawl wasn’t sufficiently character-building.
Tater remained uncaught and largely unbothered by the pursuit.
From there, we headed to the octagon bench area for a Jack Webb featuring Dips and Air Presses. Participants were reminded that there is no upper limit to air presses, only varying degrees of regret.
Next stop was the waterfront for a Triple Check:
- Runner: Up the hill and back, including at least one Burpee at the top
- Station 1: Freddie Mercuries
- Station 2: Derkins on the boat ramp
While enjoying the scenic views and elevated heart rates, ByProduct remembered a joke recently shared by SAAB concerning the difference between a chickpea and a lentil. Ever the seasoned entertainer, BP waited until all participants were lying flat on their backs and an attractive jogger happened to pass by before unveiling the punchline.
Coincidentally, this timing also prevented anyone from escaping.
We then ran back up the hill for two rounds of PLTs (20-count), because nothing says “recovery” quite like additional abdominal suffering.
Returning to the invisible flag, we received an educational seminar on T-Burpees.
Special thanks to Whitesnake for the demonstration. His performance was equal parts inspirational and cautionary tale. After careful review, the group agreed that traditional Burpees remain more than adequate for our fitness needs and emotional well-being.
To finish:
Because ending on an even number would have demonstrated weakness.
Numberama
Namerama
Prayers
Whitesnake took us out. Thanks for letting me lead. As always, it was an honor to guide four men through a carefully curated series of poor life choices before 7 a.m.
