Seven men showed up in the gloom for what has quickly become one of the Woodshed’s favorite highly questionable traditions: . . . running around before sunrise launching glowing arrows across the AO. Because apparently normal burpees aren’t enough anymore.
We opened with the traditional strategically slow mosey, followed by stretching and a quick class on:
• how to shoot a bow
• how NOT to shoot a bow
• and several reminders not to accidentally turn the AO into a medieval crime scene.
The disclaimer and safety briefing included:
“Range is hot.”
“Range is cold.”
“Please stop pointing loaded bows at each other.”
Nobody seemed overly concerned.
The Teams
• Futon & Crabgrass
• Trespass & Gotham
• Warby, Snooki & Globetrotter
The first volleys launched and glowing chem-stick arrows immediately began streaking across the AO like tracer rounds.
The mission:
• Fire
• Sprint to impact
• Three Burpees
• Recover arrow
Fire again until target is hit. 1st team = 1 burpee. 2nd team (AKA first place loser) = 3 burpees. Last team – five burpees
Simple in theory.
Absolute chaos in execution.
Notable Events
Gotham & Trespass came out HOT
They stacked a couple quick target wins early and Gotham immediately began talking trash…while holding his bow completely upside down.
Confidence remained high despite several concerns from the observing community.
At one point PAX were forced to navigate a busy street while launching arrows across the street.
Nothing gets the heart rate up quite like:
• moving traffic
• darkness
• and grown men chasing glowing projectiles playing Frogger across intersections.
Search & Rescue Operations
Warby, Snooki, and Globetrotter spent an unreasonable amount of time conducting what became a full-scale arrow recovery operation. At one point the missing arrow was discussed like:
• a lost child
• government property
• or buried treasure.
Globetrotter delivered the undisputed shot of the morning: absolutely drilling a mailbox from a completely stupid distance which would have been awesome if he was actually aiming at it.
Lessons learned
• Trash talk is more effective when your bow is facing the correct direction
• Busy roads increase cardio output significantly
• Finding arrows burns more calories than shooting them
• Brotherhood > accuracy
• Glowing arrows make bad decisions easier to track
Takeaway
Most AOs spend Wednesday mornings doing merkins and SSH. The Woodshed spent the morning preparing for the collapse of civilization armed with glowing arrows, tactical confusion, and a stupid amount of burpees. Honestly… felt pretty efficient.
Closed with Countorama, Nameorama, announcements, and prayer requests.