Cold Exposure Edition (Apparently This Is Virginia)
PAX: Futon, Snooki, YHC (Globetrotter)
Despite aggressive weather deterrence and the kind of cold that makes an Arizona man question his life choices, three brave HIMs emerged from their fart sacks for a global expedition of questionable judgment. YHC, still biologically calibrated for desert mornings and sensible sunshine, was reminded that east coast “cold” hits different. Futon and Snooki, however, showed no fear—either from the temperature or from whatever playlist was about to drop.
The Thang:
Globetrotter’s World Tour of Pain—a musical passport stamp tour featuring international beats and F3 classics, because if you’re going to suffer, you might as well do it rhythmically.
Stations rotated through various “countries,” with exercises inspired by allegedly traveled destinations that he could neither confirm nor deny Standard F3 movements were upgraded with Cindy’s for extra cultural enrichment. At one point, Snooki demonstrated the structural limits of government-issued concrete by breaking a cinder block, forcing an equipment swap mid-beatdown. OSHA was not notified.
Exercises included a mix of merkins, squats, carries, lunges, and other globally recognized movements of pain with Savannah Sprints between sets. Music selection was loud, questionable, and fully committed to the theme—no passports required, just grit.
Cold conditions ensured proper form through involuntary muscle tension. YHC remained vocal about the temperature in an attempt to manifest warmth through complaining. It did not work.
COT / BTTF:
- Counterama: 3
- Namerama
- Announcements
- Prayer
- Choclateria (hot chocolate as YHC doesn’t drink coffee)
Naked Moleskin:
- Futon and Snooki get full credit for showing up when logic suggested staying home.
- Snooki’s cinder block did not survive the workout, but Snooki did—next block lived to see another day.
- Turns out international pain feels the same no matter the country.
- Virginia cold remains disrespectful, especially to Arizona imports.
- World Tour completed. No refunds. No souvenirs. Just soreness.