Six men showed up in the gloom with no coupons in sight… just bows, arrows (tipped with lighted chem sticks), and a bad feeling about where this was headed.
We opened with a strategically slow mosey (Excel already managing energy output), followed by stretching and what may have been the most important evolution of the morning:
The Archery Disclaimer & Safety Briefing
“Range is hot.”
“Range is cold.”
“Don’t shoot each other.”
“Yell “fore” before shooting each other”.
- Gotham nodded like he’d heard this before.
- Snooki looked concerned.
- Trespass was already scanning for shortcuts.
- Futon was wondering where he could take a nap at.
The beat down Begins:
PAX split into 3 teams of 2 and launched the first volley of arrows lighting up the AO — glow sticks streaking across the sky like tracer rounds.
From there:
- Sprint to your arrow
- 3 burpees at impact
- Regroup
- Shoot again until target is hit
1st team to hit the target
-1 burpee
2nd team (AKA – 1st place losers) to hit the target:
-3 burpees
3rd team to hit the target
-5 burpees (sucks to lose)
Winners called out the next target. Rinse and repeat.
Notable Events (aka the highlight reel)
- Trespass attempted a “tactical shortcut”… and successfully navigated his team directly into the woods and temporarily off-grid
- One team (names withheld to protect the guilty… looking at you, Snooki ) struggled with the basic concept of how to shoot a bow and arrow
- Excel stayed methodical, likely tracking all his misses in a mental spreadsheet
- Gotham operated like a man who’s seen worse — calm, steady, and mildly disappointed in the rest of us
- The younger PAX applied pressure early and often, proving once again that youth + cardio = bad news for the rest of us
- Multiple allegations of intentional targeting were raised, but there were no confirmed hits. Although there were several suspiciously close “near-misses.”
We’ll call it controlled chaos.
What We Learned:
- Accuracy saves burpees
- Shortcuts lead to the woods
- Not everyone earned an archery merit badge
- Glow sticks make bad shots easier to track
- Brotherhood > accuracy
Takeaway:
This wasn’t about perfect shots or clean wins. It was about showing up, doing something different, and pushing each other through a workout none of us will forget (mostly because we were all grown men running all around the AO like a bunch of little school kids literally chasing something shiny.
Most AO’s do a beat down at 0530. This week the Woodshed prepared for the zombie apocalypse with a stupid amount of burpees thrown in for good measure.
Closed with countorama, nameorama, announcements and prayer.