Fourteen able-bodied HIM rolled into the gloom expecting a light credit workout and perhaps a birthday celebration. Instead, they participated in what will undoubtedly be discussed at every By-Product Gridiron Q between now and 2032.
Warm-Up
Circle up for:
- Side Straddle Hops x15 IC (White Deer style, if so inclined)
- Invisible Jump Rope x15 IC
- Don Quixotes x15 IC (performed with impeccable Attila form)
- APDs x15 IC (for Gomer)
- Merkins x15 IC
Indigenous Peoples Run
The PAX split into two groups:
Group 1 (White Deer)
- Rifle-carry a 30 lb kettlebell from the invisible flag to the far tennis courts in the back 40.
Group 2 (By-Product)
- Mosey the outer loop around the track.
- Rifle-carry a 20 lb kettlebell, rotating carriers after an undisclosed but universally agreed upon excessive amount of time.
Tennis Court Hospitality
After extensive commentary from Attila regarding the moisture content of the tennis courts, White Deer led the PAX in bear crawls to each court line followed by:
- 5 Merkins at each stop
By this point, approximately 20 minutes had elapsed and morale was still reasonably intact.
The Sand Migration
The PAX moseyed to the bleachers, where 760 pounds of sand awaited in a collection of 50 lb and 70 lb bags.
The mission seemed simple: move all the sand from one of the furthest points in the AO to the other furthest point in the AO.
On paper? Outstanding.
In reality? Less outstanding.
Each man grabbed a sandbag and began the relay. Some ambitious souls elected to carry two 50 lb bags.
Triple Check at the Bus Loop
Runner
- Run the bus loop
Station 1
- Chest Presses with a 50 lb sandbag
- Attila, refusing to acknowledge normal human limitations, used only the 70 lb bag.
Station 2
- Squats with a 50 lb sandbag
The procession then continued toward the next waypoint.
At some point during the haul, By-Product casually shared that every bag had been purchased from Lowe’s and was intended to be returned after the workout. This revelation explained his increasing concern regarding bag condition and why every tiny sand leak was treated like a financial reporting issue.
Attila responded by threatening to introduce an X-Acto knife into the situation if the nonsense continued much longer.
Pavilion Stop
At the pavilion near the pull-up bars:
2 Rounds
- 20 Dips
- 10 Double-Count Step-Ups
- No weight
Around this time, the PAX realized a disturbing fact:
By-Product’s truck was nowhere to be seen.
The grumbling intensified, but the mission continued. The entire 760 pounds of sand was ultimately transported to the furthest available parking area in Striker Park.
Finish
The PAX returned to the invisible flag and knocked out a few burpees until time expired.
Learnings
- Always read the fine print before volunteering for a By-Product logistics operation.
- Lowe’s may or may not be accepting slightly used sandbags later today.
- This workout will be referenced repeatedly for years to come.
Moleskin: Happy Birthday, White Deer. What started as a workout became an expedition, a moving service, and possibly a case study in poor project planning. The sand was moved, no bags were intentionally punctured, and the PAX lived to tell the tale. T-claps to all who embraced the suck. Aye!
Announcements.
Numberama, Namarama, Atilla took us out.
Great work men!